Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Two sardarjis are trying to measure the height of a flag pole they tried hard standing one on top of one other but still cannot reach the top.

By then a passerby asks what are they actually doing. They explain to him.

He just removes the pole from the ground and measures the length of it and goes

Then the first Sardarji said to the second one " He thinks we are fool, we want to measure the height and he is showing us the length

2006-11-17 13:44:51 · 9 answers · asked by stone 4

There was a rumor that a Louisiana man was fishing illegally, catching many fish, but he would not ever get caught at it. So one day, a new game warden, also new to the territory, decided to catch this man at his game, and he went to where the man usually fished. Dressing like an ordinary fisherman, and carrying his fishing pole, he approached the man and asked if he could go fishing with him. The man looked him over, and then said, sure, why not.
So they got into a small row boat and rowed out into the middle of the lake. After a couple of hours of regular fishing, the man decided that the new guy was okay, so he pulls out some dynamite and proceeds to lite it.

The young game warden immediately says to the man, “Mister, I am the new game warden and you are under arrest for illegal fishing.”

The man, holding the lit dynamite, hands it to the game warden, and says, “ you gonna fish or talk?”

2006-11-17 13:36:08 · 6 answers · asked by scrubbag 7

Your stuck in a room with no windows, doors, or anything. It's just a room. Four walls, thats it. Inside the room is a mirror and a table. How do you get out?




















Look thru the mirror, see what you saw. Grab the saw, saw the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb through the whole [hole] and get out. =] He he...made me giggle.

2006-11-17 13:21:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a guy walking through the store pushing a shoping cart. I heard him calling Crisco! Crisco!!

So being the ever helping clerk I walk up to the man and say " sir Crisco is on aile number five."

He looks at me and says I think you have misunderstood me. " I am looking for my wife."

I say " You'r wife's name is Crisco?"

He says," No!! She just doesn't like it when I call her lard*ss in public".

2006-11-17 13:10:09 · 8 answers · asked by Jackie G 3

you dont get down off an elephant, you get down off a goose.

2006-11-17 12:53:57 · 11 answers · asked by whacky doodler 1

Doctor says to lawyer We were born on the same year, month, day, and minute. We were born in the same hospital, hospital room and we have the same 2 parents. We are not twins and we have no brothers. Explain this.

2006-11-17 12:52:16 · 20 answers · asked by frogxlegs 1

cuz they cant walk, hardly.

2006-11-17 12:47:22 · 8 answers · asked by whacky doodler 1

1. A fortune-teller worked at midnight. One night she told a customer that in exactly one week, the sun will not rise. Sure enough, the sun did not rise exactly one week from that day. How did she know that?

2. Mickey and Minnie were found dead on the floor. Water and broken glass was found around them. There was no sign of any weapons used and their bodies were left untouched. How did Mickey and Minnie die?

3. On the roof of a farm, a rooster lay an egg exactly in the middle of the roof. Which way did the egg fall?

2006-11-17 12:32:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

...he sees a man with a mask on, turns and runs the other way, whos the man with the mask on?

2006-11-17 12:30:02 · 8 answers · asked by tdakpj 3

Ask your mate or enemy the following. Be sitting or standing across from him. When he says no...deliver a good solid backhander to his face and with your best german accent shout LIAR

2006-11-17 12:26:58 · 8 answers · asked by elephant 1

2006-11-17 12:25:00 · 21 answers · asked by Deafro 4

theres a one story house and everything is pink the lamp the carpet everything.....what color are the stairs

2006-11-17 12:11:12 · 22 answers · asked by mnkyinabarrel 2

1. Echo yourself(example: How are you today..day..ay..ay..)

2. Talksofastthatnoonecanunderstandawordyousay....

3. Sing annoying songs

4. Talk about something in great detail to someone who has no
clue what the hell you're talking about

5. Laugh like a ManIac for no particular reason

6. Yell to a friend across the theater in the middle of a movie

7. Scream in someone's ear.

8. Talk about something disgusting

9. Talk in gibberish

10.Alktay inay igpay atinlay

11.Orop inop opop-topalopkop (Or in op-talk)

12.Tell REALLY bad puns

13.Jump from topic to topic with no warning

14.Talk loudly to a friend in front of members of the opposite
sex, using the word "sex" often(only works with young teenagers)

15.Talk in rhyme. Don't stop when asked to

16.Sing WAY off key

17.Hold up a gerbil/mouse, talk in a squeaky voice and pretend
that you are the gerbil/mouse

18.Talk about something blasphemous to very religious
people ...or vice versa

19.Make a face. Hold it that way. People tell you to shut up
even though you said nothing

20.Stare at someone for a long time without responding to "Got
a staring problem?" etc. Once again, even though you said nothing,
people will say "shut up" because you are disturbing them into
confusion. (YESSSSS!:)

2006-11-17 12:05:12 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

DATING
That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I'm not very skinny!
Well, that's what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is "Nude?"
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.

* * * * *

We were lovers,
but now she is my biggest enema!

* * * * *

We have hated each other for so long.
I want to borrow the hatchet.

* * * * *
My relationship with my
ax girlfriend was so painful.

* * * * *

FOOD AND COOKING

Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!


* * * * *


I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.

* * * * *

Do you like your coffee cremated?

* * * * *


Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I'm not so hungry
right now.


* * * * *

—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.

—Add two cups of ground flowers.

—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.

—Then add small feces of fish.

—Don't forget to insult the soup.

—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.

—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.

2006-11-17 11:56:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-17 11:51:50 · 7 answers · asked by Psychodelic Chicken 5

But its not worth getting reported ?

2006-11-17 11:40:36 · 10 answers · asked by How e' ye Horse 2

1.Why are some grapes purple & others are green?

2.If you lose about 100 hairs a day, how come, eventually you dont
have tiny little sprouts all over your head?

3.Why do people have different color hair?

4.Why are babies so small?

5.Which came first, the chinken or the egg?

6.Why do we start out young and get older, insted of the other way around?

7.Why arent humans the pet and animals the owners?

8.How does your voice go across a telephone line?

9.Why do cats meow?

10.How does a rainbow appear in the sky?

11.Why does some peoples eyes change colors in the sun?

12.Where did god come from?

13.If a tree falls in a forest, but nobodys there to hear it, doess it make a sound?

14.Why are somethings considered a vegetable that are really fruit? Vise versa?
See how many questions you can answer. There are no wrong answer

2006-11-17 11:36:35 · 23 answers · asked by pete_vasquez2010 1

2006-11-17 11:34:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

...(You MUST read them out loud)

1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............................. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum ***
5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great ................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

2006-11-17 11:33:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-17 11:22:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What would your answer be and why? This is just for fun.. I know I have seen these when I was younger but I can't remember the answer.

People from Magna all tell lies, and people from the neighbouring community of Lazink all tell the truth. You have become hopelessly lost in the subway system that links these two neighbourhoods. When you emerge from the subway station, you see someone who lives in this neighbourhood, that you know has to be either a Magnite or a Lazinkian, but you don’t know which one. You may ask this person one short question only, of not more than four words, to figure out where you are.
What is your question?

2006-11-17 11:05:12 · 7 answers · asked by Midwest 6

2006-11-17 10:59:07 · 25 answers · asked by scho2000 1

2006-11-17 10:58:03 · 10 answers · asked by Psychodelic Chicken 5

I met this guy 2 weeks ago and have been on a date and he been to my house and had tea and watched a dvd he wants to see me tuesday next week. I go to dublin for 4 days early friday morning next week do you think i shoulld buy him a little present or not and if so wot do i get him

2006-11-17 10:56:03 · 19 answers · asked by Pet 1

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice the guy next to him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, I'm 6' tall 200lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5 pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is a U.S. blonde.Think about it mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times."


Blonde goes into a chemist to buy deodarant for her husband. Assistant asks "Is it the ball kind?"
"No," replies blonde "it's for under his arms."

2006-11-17 10:55:59 · 18 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Two girlies had gone for a girls night out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband, "These damn girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt saying 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we will never forget you'.

2006-11-17 10:52:34 · 12 answers · asked by OO7 3

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue...

Little Boy Blue who?......



Michael Jackson!

2006-11-17 10:50:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde was speeding down the road followed closely by a police car driven by a blonde policewoman, after an hour the blonde driver stops, the policewoman pulls up beside her and asks to see her driving license.
The blonde fumbles about in her handbag and comes out with a mirror, she looks in it and then passes it to the policewoman, the policewoman takes the mirror, looks in it and says "Oh, your a policewoman too, well drive carefully next time!"

2006-11-17 10:50:27 · 10 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Answer...3, one to change the bulb and 2 to go to the whole-salers!

2006-11-17 10:46:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

one day his parents went out 4 dinner and left the totally hot babysitter in charge. when the parents came home johnny was on top of the babysitter fu**ing her brains out. the mother in shock yelled "JOHNNY FUKAHARDAH!!!!!"
Johnny then replied " I'm trying mom, I'm Trying!"

2006-11-17 10:45:14 · 8 answers · asked by RENA J 2