Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

he kisses his wife good bye then goes out the door....he is in the elevator listening to the music when the power goes out....then he says oh no my wife is dead what happened

2006-08-15 17:23:14 · 10 answers · asked by zacsgrl212 1

Its a wierd riddle, and my friend and i don't know the answer. we found it in the back of a magazine,. but there was no answer.

With this summertime food, you throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it?

2006-08-15 17:15:01 · 17 answers · asked by *Tatsu_Miazaki* 2

A man and his son were in an automobile accident. The man died on the way to the hospital, but the boy was rushed into surgery. The emergency room surgeon said "I can't operate, that's my son!" How is this possible?

2006-08-15 17:11:42 · 34 answers · asked by liltexas36 3

A man left home running. He ran a ways and then turned left, ran the same distance and turned left again, ran the same distance and turned left again. When he got home there were two masked men. Who were they?

2006-08-15 17:03:59 · 29 answers · asked by liltexas36 3

I'm suppose to embellish something and add some "merriment" to it. I was thinking a good joke....or a cheer, maybe. Would love some people's input before I get started. Thanks!

2006-08-15 16:59:58 · 11 answers · asked by Brenda 6

Mary's mom has 5 daughters
Cha Cha
Che Che
Chi Chi
Cho Cho
whats the fifth ones name?

2006-08-15 16:58:58 · 63 answers · asked by liltexas36 3

Bufford went on down to Spring City last Saturday night to see what was selling at the Hinker Boys' Auction. Well, they had a parrot there that a rich lady was selling, and Bufford kindly took a likin' to the critter.

When the auctioneer brought the bird around for bidding, Bufford asked him, "Charlie, kin that parrot really talk?"

Charley Hinker, the head of the auction house, assured Bufford it could talk and furthermore, it was real smart.

Bufford made up his mind to buy it, pulling all $2,000 out of his savings account just in case. Well, the bidding commenced, and Bufford jumped right in and stayed at it all the way. Several folks were bidding, but when the bids hit about $800, it settled down to a real mean contest between

Bufford and someone at the front of the room. Bufford finally won the bid at $1,900 even, though he looked a bit pained as he walked to the auction office to pay for the thing.

When he got ready to pay, Bufford again asked the auctioneer, "Are you sure that parrot kin really talk, Charlie?"

Charlie said, "Bufford, I know that parrot kin talk real well, seein' how it was the parrot that was the one bidding against you."

2006-08-15 16:58:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

(.)(.)

2006-08-15 16:58:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.

2006-08-15 16:57:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The meaning of "secure a building" in different branches of the military:

If you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

Air Force personnel would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

2006-08-15 16:55:28 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

On my way to the fair, I met 7 jugglers and a bear, every juggler had 6 cats, every cat had 5 rats, every rat had 4 houses, every house had 3 mouses, every mouse had 2 louses, every louse had a spouse. How many in all are going to the fair?

2006-08-15 16:53:45 · 26 answers · asked by liltexas36 3

What vegetable do you throw away the outside, cook the inside, then use the outside, and throw away the inside?

First one with the correct answer scores...

2006-08-15 16:53:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

One Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.

As he gets to the street he realizes it's worse than he thought: there is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."

To which she sleepily replies, "And can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"

2006-08-15 16:53:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-15 16:52:28 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

The only city whose name can be spelled completely with vowels is Aiea, Hawaii, located approximately twelve miles west of Honolulu.

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

The Madagascan Hissing Cockroach is one of the few insects who give birth to live young, rather than laying eggs.

The Andy Griffth Show was the first spin-off in TV history. It was a spin-off of the Danny Thomas Show.

Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Many Japanese golfers carry "hole-in-one" insurance, because it is traditional in Japan to share one's good luck by sending gifts to all your friends when you get an "ace." The price for what the Japanese term an "albatross" can often reach $10,000.

All porcupines float in water.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Ralph Lauren's original name was Ralph Lifshitz

2006-08-15 16:49:13 · 27 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

2006-08-15 16:48:13 · 6 answers · asked by winnyabhi 1

what is the worst veggie to have on a ship????


1st right answer gets points

2006-08-15 16:47:24 · 8 answers · asked by Smile =]™ 4

Finish this:

My name is________I cant live without my______ cuz i __________ and thats why i________ cuz you kno I _________ you know you _______ too.

the funniest one gets ten points.

2006-08-15 16:44:03 · 8 answers · asked by ♥Just Love It♥ 2

i have always wanted to know

2006-08-15 16:43:06 · 6 answers · asked by gus gus 2

what falls down, but never breaks? ? ? ?

1st right answer get the pts.

2006-08-15 16:42:20 · 10 answers · asked by Smile =]™ 4

2006-08-15 16:35:31 · 6 answers · asked by bdogparty 1

The one who makes it sells it.
The one who buys it doesn't use it.
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it.
What is it

What am I

2006-08-15 16:31:44 · 19 answers · asked by serena b 2

what do ducks put in thair soup






quackers lol

2006-08-15 16:28:35 · 9 answers · asked by ma_foy 2

TELL ME A JOKE...

2006-08-15 16:24:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the
beginning of every end, and the end of every place?

2006-08-15 16:24:30 · 10 answers · asked by Truly_Complexed 4

2006-08-15 16:22:58 · 58 answers · asked by bugzaper 3

With a big round belly,
I have been called stout.
When I get steamed,
I start to shout!

2006-08-15 16:22:54 · 24 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

(_._)

2006-08-15 16:22:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick
boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after 6
rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man
throws a punch.

2006-08-15 16:21:26 · 7 answers · asked by Truly_Complexed 4

2006-08-15 16:13:43 · 12 answers · asked by Laurie 3