I've noticed recently that I appear to have an annoying lack of confidence when speaking in front of others, and it obviously affected my speech presentation.
I'll go into unintentional nervous breakdowns even though I know what to say and start getting a raspy, shaky voice. It's embarrassing and annoying!
for instance this morning in class we were required to bring an object. I brought an antique white owl figure, and placed it on the desk when it was my turn to present. I could not articulate what I wanted to say. I don't know if it was nerves, the 25 mg of Prozac for panic disorder mostly, not depression (only my 4th week), or the vistaril I took to soothe me.
Now I know I'll avoid vistaril though. It made me real sleepy.
My topic was morbid. The intention was to express my positive connection with something that represents death. After the suicide of my great grandfather due to failure, his eldest daughter (my grandmother) was given a little owl as a reminder of him. My great grandfather always spoke of how owls were mythologically beautiful.
Although I never met him, I feel spiritually attached for many reasons. 1, we both seem to be the only artists in the family (he painted, wrote, and sculpted), 2nd we shared the same birthday, 2 he suffered from extreme depression/panic. I can't believe the only family member I can identify with is deceased.
Sounds creepy. What's even odder is that I dreamt of him when I was about 11. In my dream I was a child clutching his arm, dreading the fact that the funeral car was coming for him. When it came, I begged "don't leave me, take me." All he said was "go back inside, not yet."(of course I wasn't going to bring up the dream, that's pretty private. I'm just using the dream to show the impact he has had in my life)
Going back to the owl, I wanted to describe how the owl was like a torch when all is dark. It reminds me that taking drastic measures will never rid you of problems. In the end those who you leave behind are wounded.
Was this insane to even bring up in class?
He did specify to bring something were emotionally attached to....something significant.
I just completely lost my concentration and the transition of idea to idea.
It was ******* humilated.
People even pointed out that I looked nervous.
I slured my words, stop mid-sentence out of nowhere and not know what to say.
I don't want to show up to class anymore. And sadly, I've got another final upcoming speech.
I want to put myself out of my misery.
I'd really appreciate suggestions as the problem has been nagging me.
2007-11-26
18:08:52
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6 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Mental Health