Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

i wold have it take me everywhere. work,bathroom... ect. what about you?

2007-01-12 06:32:10 · 3 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

I don't know

2007-01-12 06:19:41 · 8 answers · asked by i am game 2

i went 2 weeks before. not by choice though. it was the worst feeling ever

2007-01-12 06:18:44 · 19 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,
"I had an affair with a woman... almost." The priest says,
"what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together
but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting
it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and
then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and
says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you
said it was the same as putting it in!"

2007-01-12 06:15:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 06:08:42 · 6 answers · asked by Brian S 2

A guy approaches the window of the movie theatre with a chicken under his arm, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.

He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"

The girl tells him that he CAN'T take a chicken into the theatre, so he goes around the corner, stuffs the chicken into his trousers, and returns. He buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theatre, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his fly so the chicken can stick its head out - get some air and watch the movie.

Sitting next to him is Agnes. She elbows Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it.....you've seen one, you've seen them all."

Agnes says, "I KNOW......but this one's eating my POPCORN!"

2007-01-12 05:55:49 · 17 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A person suffering from Fistula was admitted to hospital, after three days he was discharged, doctor advised him to apply cream at affected parts, twice a day, doctor said that, this time I will apply the cream thereafter you manage at home.

When he is going to bed, he asked her wife to apply the cream, when she was applying the cream, he asked, I can not understand, you are having one hand on my shoulder and other on affected parts, while when doctor was applying the cream, his both hands were on my shoulder.

2007-01-12 05:55:23 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 05:50:31 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
-- ------ ---- --- --- -- --- ---.


10 pts 4 the 1st right ans.

2007-01-12 05:48:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The owner of a large factory decided to make a surprise
visit and check up on his staff. Walking though the plant, he
noticed a young man leaning lazily against a post.
"Just how much are you being paid a week?" said the owner
angrily.

"Three hundred pounds," replied the young man.

Taking out a fold of notes from his wallet, the owner
counted out £300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and
said "Here's a week's pay -- now get out and don't come
back!"

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has
that lazy bum been working here anyway?"

"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just
delivering a pizza!"

2007-01-12 05:48:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,"replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. " He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first..."

2007-01-12 05:48:04 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friend Billy
Had a ten foot willy,
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
--- --- --- ---- - -- -.

2007-01-12 05:43:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

good jokes? I would like to hear few.. all are welcome. (blonde jokes, dumb jokes, immature jokes, adult humor, anything really.)

=)

I will pick best answer.
The funniest joke gets it.

also, if you know where you found the joke, post the link up here please.

2007-01-12 05:39:04 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old time’s sake. He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age. After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three Knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "you're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."

2007-01-12 05:34:49 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 05:27:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 05:16:15 · 19 answers · asked by tootalll12 1

A frog walks into a bank. He sits down with the loan officer and notices her name plate which reads "Patricia Mack". He asks the loan officer for a loan of $10,000 so that he can buy a new lilly pad. The loan officer says that he will need collateral for a loan that size. He says how about this, and holds up a figurine of a little dog, it's the most valuable thing I own. The loan officer not wanting to hurt the poor frog's feelings excuses herself so that she can talk with the bank manager. She explains the situation to the manager and then tells him about the dog figurine that is obviously only worth a few dollars and explains that he wants to use it as collateral. He says "What's the problem? It's a nick knack, Patty Mack, give the frog a loan!" :)

2007-01-12 05:10:08 · 11 answers · asked by Zippy 2

When Neil Armstrong first set foot on the moon, he is recored as saying "A small step for man, a Giant Leap for Mankind".
Some years later, being interviewed on TV, he was asked, "That was wrong, wasn't it - you wanted to say "A small step for *A* man.....", didn't you?
"Well, that's what was scripted, yeah, but what I really wanted to say was 'Go, Mrs Ginsberg, Go'.
"huh?".
"When I was growing up, our neighbours were the Ginsbergs. They never closed the window or the curtains to their bedroom when they went to bed, so like any other curious teenager, I used to look and listen. I once heard Mrs Ginsberg say to her husband, "That kid next-door will walk on the moon before you ever get THAT thing in MY mouth".

2007-01-12 04:49:02 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

the correct answer wins

2007-01-12 04:44:44 · 14 answers · asked by the Bruja is back 5

Also did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

2007-01-12 04:43:44 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 04:39:33 · 8 answers · asked by Sexy 1

2007-01-12 04:39:05 · 19 answers · asked by Le Saqib 3

2007-01-12 04:38:56 · 20 answers · asked by ♥kristie♥ 2

2 men are sitting next to one another on a plane, and don't know each other
- One man leans over and says, "im bored, so i have a proposal for you,"
- the other man complies, "ok im listening."
- man 1 continues, "i am one of the smartest men alive, and if u can come up with a question that will stump me, I will give you 55 dollars. I am so confident in my intellect, that I will ask you a question as well, and if you don't know the answer, you will only have to pay me 5 dollars."
- the second man ponders a little, "ok, i think i have one for you."
- "lets hear it" the genius says arrogantly
- "what has 8 legs, no arms, but walks on its hands?"
- the genius looked shocked and said, "my god...I don't know, what is it?"
- the man replies, "i have no idea, so where's my 50 bucks?"

who's the real genius?

2007-01-12 04:29:42 · 8 answers · asked by tmapes 3

2007-01-12 04:27:42 · 13 answers · asked by ♥kristie♥ 2

2007-01-12 04:25:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. "That's not right"............... Sum Ting Wong

2. "Are you harboring a fugitive?".. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3. "See me ASAP".................... Kum Hia Nao

4. "There goes Stupid Man".......... Dum Dum Wa King

5. "Small Horse".................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6. "Did you go to the beach?"....... Wai Yu So Tan

7. "I bumped into a coffee table"... Ai Bang Mai Ni

8. "I think you need a face lift"... Chin Tu Fat

9. "It's very dark in here"......... Wao So Dim

10. "I thought you were on a diet".. Wai Yu Mun Ching

11. "This is a tow away zone"....... No Pah King

12. "Our meeting is next week"...... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13. "Staying out of sight!"......... Lei Ying Lo

14. "He's cleaning his automobile".. Wa Shing Ka

15. "Your body odor is offensive"... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16. "Great"......................... Su Pah


what do you think? Easy... rite?

2007-01-12 04:25:23 · 8 answers · asked by Cubanita 5

2007-01-12 04:20:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 04:12:40 · 12 answers · asked by ♥kristie♥ 2

2007-01-12 04:07:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous