Senior Citizens

2007-12-28 13:24:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

When you look into the mirror does it seem that you are looking into your mother's or your father's face? Do you find yourself saying or doing some of the same things that you saw them saying and doing when you were a child? I often see my mother when I look into the mirror and many relatives tell me I sound just like her when I speak. Does this sort of thing ever happen to you?
Thank you for your responses.

2007-12-28 13:14:52 · 26 answers · asked by Bethany 6

One day long ago she was standing nude in front of a mirror and asked if there was something she might do to enlarge her breasts.
I replied she might try rubbing some toilet tissue between them several times a day.
Some weeks later she asked if I was sure that rubbing toilet tissue between her breasts would enlarge them.
I said, well it worked on your buttocks didn't it?
I woke up three hours later in the ER.

2007-12-28 13:07:24 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've been part of a particular online community since 1998. A few of us have met in person or talked on the phone, and many of us have become great friends despite never having met in "real life."

Today I learned that a particularly dear lady suffering from brain cancer (diagnosed a scant six weeks ago) has gone into hospice care and is not expected to live much longer. I am in shock and grieving for someone I've never met and never spoken to, yet who is a friend. She is the third such cyber-friend this community has lost, and we miss them all. I will never get used to knowing people so intimately, yet not knowing where they live or even what their real names are.

This particular lady thought so highly of our cyber-group, that she asked a friend to keep in touch with the board's owner and let us know her condition. I'm in shock.

Has this ever happened to you?

2007-12-28 12:58:32 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yeah!!

2007-12-28 12:34:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Take a look. Sometimes it's really funny.

2007-12-28 11:57:24 · 28 answers · asked by curious connie 7

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

2007-12-28 11:44:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."


He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2007-12-28 11:33:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Read or watch TV

2007-12-28 11:19:21 · 31 answers · asked by Tracer 5

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

2007-12-28 11:14:54 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first cleansing of a slacker, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker was doing here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Delivering pizza."

2007-12-28 10:55:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I read a good book, doesn't even matter if I have read it before or not, to relax, as far as I am concerned a good book, puts me in a good relaxed state. How about you?

2007-12-28 10:41:06 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-28 10:39:30 · 19 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:38:24 · 35 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:37:08 · 30 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:35:37 · 32 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:34:23 · 24 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:33:33 · 27 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:32:30 · 11 answers · asked by for the times 7

2007-12-28 10:26:14 · 16 answers · asked by for the times 7

( ocean , lake , river ) .

2007-12-28 09:52:33 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you belive Monopoly has a credit card type now? I liked it better before. It was a sneaky way to teach kids math.

2007-12-28 09:50:23 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Have you looked through her briefs?

2. He is one hard judge.

3. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

4. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

5. Is it a penal offense?

6. Better leave the handcuffs on.

7. For $200 an hour, she better be good.

8. Can you get him to drop his suit?

9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

10. Think you can get me off?

2007-12-28 09:49:10 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-28 09:46:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-28 09:44:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

and fails to uphold it? Last night there was a large apartment fire, displacing 21 people. I was called out as a volunteer to go to the site and find shelter for people. Red Cross has a contract with this hotel, when I called, they said they couldn't do anything until they spoke with the manager at 7 AM. It was only about 2:30 AM then. I scrambled to find other motels in the area, these people lost EVERYTHING they owned, some were only in a bathrobes and needed a place to go

2007-12-28 09:22:06 · 13 answers · asked by slk29406 6

Would you buy stuff from me? Like `Real Rat Tail brooms, or pig snout vacuum cleaner hose attachments?

2007-12-28 09:11:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-28 09:06:02 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

As an attacker deterrent?

2007-12-28 08:58:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I do. The area we live in has some elite homes and my sister had showed me the thrift store. I have found that some people give away some really great furniture and I'm hooked.

2007-12-28 08:22:56 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous