I've been part of a particular online community since 1998. A few of us have met in person or talked on the phone, and many of us have become great friends despite never having met in "real life."
Today I learned that a particularly dear lady suffering from brain cancer (diagnosed a scant six weeks ago) has gone into hospice care and is not expected to live much longer. I am in shock and grieving for someone I've never met and never spoken to, yet who is a friend. She is the third such cyber-friend this community has lost, and we miss them all. I will never get used to knowing people so intimately, yet not knowing where they live or even what their real names are.
This particular lady thought so highly of our cyber-group, that she asked a friend to keep in touch with the board's owner and let us know her condition. I'm in shock.
Has this ever happened to you?
2007-12-28 12:58:32 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Yes, and I met both. Pennsylvania friend died with MRSA after surgery, and Massachusetts friend died with multiple myeoloma. A third I didn't meet died with cancer after refusing chemo.
I'm not so sure it matters where someone lives or their real names. The intimacy, sincerity and companionship possible online is as real as anywhere.
We get into our cars and call each other traffic, "in real life" includes thinking in this place and every other place, and our hands at keyboards are the same as our hands on shopping carts.
2007-12-28 15:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by Dinah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies go out to you and your online community.
Yes, I have lost friends from online communities. One lady I had met at one of our off-line 'Gatherings' and two other members I had never met in real life. The grief I experienced was real; because our long associations and online friendships were real.
I understand what you mean when you describe grieving for people who we only know by their community nickname, and who we've never heard their voice or seen in person. It does seem odd; and certainly difficult to describe to anyone who has not belonged to one of these communities. I think of it as missing a relationship that has had time to mature....we may not spend time with them in a physical space, but we do spend time with them. And when I really think about it; I wonder how well do we really know most people we see off-line?
Hopefully your friend has someone who can pass along your care and concern back to her. One of the things the communities I've belonged to have done is to host memorials in chat rooms and on the message boards. I hope you all can do the same.
2007-12-28 22:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so very sorry to hear this. I understand how you feel. I had an online supprt group back in 1998, I developed friendships and actually had met this youn lady several times. We had gone to DC as lobbiest for this rare medical disorder so that we could gain research dollars. Her doctor gave her pain medication, didn't monitor her and she was dead on teh 3rd day. She was only 27 at the time. It was such a shock and a tragedy. I hope that you will be OK, and hope that your dear friend is not suffereing.
2007-12-28 20:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by slk29406 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, net yet, that I know of. I was a member of an online community from 1999 - 2006 and had the same experience as you - met many face to face - and some not at all, yet remained friends despite. I have seen some marry, have children, become ill, divorce, get new jobs, get fired, lose loved ones...etc yet no deaths yet.
We even traded email addresses of one family member, so that if we 'disappeared' off the site or in email, someone could query as to whether we were OK.
2007-12-29 02:13:37 · answer #4 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh lost as in passed away? Yeah..my first kitty, who was a birthday present when I was a kid and we saved from a shelter, ended up being really sick and she eventually died...I was extremely sad. But I've moved a Lot in my life and a lot of the places didn't allow pets, so usually we gave them away. I still remember when we had to give away our favorite, most amazing cat cuz we had to go to an apartment..we cried for sooo long. So I guess crying was how I dealt with it when I was a kid. I have two dogs now and have had them for a while now..I don't know what I would do if I lost them. Just don't try to replace him..it will never be the same..
2016-05-27 14:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I lost one today. Thankfully not as you have experienced tho.
Please let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. The loss of any friend is difficult to accept. You have the support of your other friends and that will help you to cope.
I had a good cyberfriend but today I got an email from her saying never email her again. It is a complete misunderstanding but she didnt even give me the chance to email and explain. That is sooo sad. I feel as if I have been hit by a mallet.
2007-12-28 18:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is amazing how close some of our cyber relationships become, without ever meeting the person face to face. Often we share our most intimate thoughts and feelings with someone "out there" and feel their caring and compassion in return as we go through our day-to-day trials. And when we lose one of our online friends, we feel a very deep loss. Sending positive thoughts your way.
2007-12-28 13:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by Wandering In The Wilderness 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So Sorry...yes I have got close to people.
I can remember before I got involved with meeting people on line I thought the word cyberfriend was a crazy word I soon realized a few years later what true friends were my (cyberfriends).
Take Care
2007-12-28 16:26:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mustbe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it happened to me last year. I'd met a lady on Classmates.com a few years ago. We were in a private group & hit it off from day one. We e-mailed each other daily, then one day, I got an e-mail from her daughter, telling me that her mother had died suddenly of a heart attack. I was stunned. I'd never met Carol but I felt as though I'd known her all of my life. I feel blessed to have been her cyber friend for as long as I did. We never know what tomorrow will bring, do we? I am so very sorry to hear of your friend's illness. I will keep her in my prayers & you'll be in my prayers as well.
2007-12-28 15:45:42 · answer #9 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes and I still belong to this group. I started in 2003. The group is a breast cancer support group and I have lost many friends since the beginning. I really do understand your grief.
2007-12-28 13:22:06 · answer #10 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋