I have been told before that I am often too descriptive, which over-complicates my work. I'd be grateful if you could read over the opening paragraph of my new story and tell me if this is the case here. As a bit of background it is set within the last couple of years- the narrator is also the protagonist, and without giving too much away I want an unsettling, brooding tone from the outset...so here goes:
'The woods stretched out in to the grim half-light of dawn like a living ocean, white mist collected in the troughs of the tree-top waves and seeping through the troglodyte world of the undergrowth with searching, icy fingers.
The most distant edge of the forested horizon was little more than a colourless outline, swallowed up by an advancing deluge that looked all the more hostile from the warm light of my room,'
Any thoughts welcome. Thank you very much.
2007-10-08
22:27:50
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18 answers
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asked by
David
2