All categories - 14 November 2007

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceed to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp it.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the Cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat Me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The reccommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

2007-11-14 19:35:24 · 13 answers · asked by 2Tall 2 in Jokes & Riddles

I converted my original RAW file to an Exif TIFF in Canon's Digital Photo Professional as my Photoshop does not support .CR2 files. I then edited the image and uploaded it to Flickr. The EXIF data isn't available.

2007-11-14 19:35:21 · 5 answers · asked by Claire A 1 in Photography

my cousin who is in, high school, has a report due which involves creating their own kind of solar system. taking the task to heart, she then came up with:

2 suns (blue and red), 13 planets with her "home world" being the 5th one, the 4th and 6th planets crossing the 5th planet's orbit from time to time, the 5th planet has a ring around it with 4 different moons, the 5th planet has the usual 4 seasons, day and night, and an ice cap only on its northern hemisphere

now she wants me to come up with the number of days it takes for the planet to make a year, how often the 4th and 6th planets cross the 5th's orbit and how far the 2 suns are from the planets and each other.

needless to say, this is out of my league, so help! please? ;o)

2007-11-14 19:35:18 · 5 answers · asked by michael q 1 in Astronomy & Space

hes in some good pain, and we need to quell it til the morning, what can wedo?

2007-11-14 19:35:04 · 5 answers · asked by travo 1 in Pain & Pain Management

"Women who attend religious services are about 80 percent as likely to to die as those not regulary attending. Discuss tthe extent to which each of the following three apply to this quote:
1. the baseline risk is missing
2. the time period of the risk is missing
3. the reported risk is not necessarily your risk

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

2007-11-14 19:34:55 · 1 answers · asked by Chris 3 in Mathematics

$8 for me.

2007-11-14 19:34:44 · 15 answers · asked by †ђ!ηK †αηK² 6 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:34:41 · 9 answers · asked by Kat 5 in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:34:39 · 18 answers · asked by ? 5 in Philosophy

Do you know what any recurring motifs are in those book? Apparently there are motifs that are similar and motifs that are different to each other, but I'm not exactly sure what they are.

Anyone have a hint for me?

2007-11-14 19:34:28 · 4 answers · asked by alli7201 3 in Books & Authors

2007-11-14 19:34:06 · 6 answers · asked by MB 1 in History

2007-11-14 19:33:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

Why / Why not

2007-11-14 19:33:53 · 16 answers · asked by X 2 in Military

2007-11-14 19:33:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:33:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

2007-11-14 19:33:04 · 3 answers · asked by karina s 1 in Government

this was not there yesterday,she seems fine though.

2007-11-14 19:32:47 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Dogs

Hello,

I found a internship opportunity in Hong Kong for a year.
My salary will be 7000HKD, and the firm found me a room to rent for around 2100 HKD (I don't know if people in HongKong pay taxes for water, electricty, apartmant fees or is it included??)
So apart from that, do you think that I could manage to live there with that amount of money? or is it too low?
As far as I heard, 3000 HKD would be enough for one months food costs,
so except my rent and food, I will have 1900 HKD for living, for taxes (if there are any) and for social stuff..

what do you think??

2007-11-14 19:32:42 · 13 answers · asked by gd 1 in China

Do you believe that angels and saints can live among us?

2007-11-14 19:32:25 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4 in Religion & Spirituality

I will be moving to Santa Fe fairly quickly and need to know how it is as far as housing and the decent parts of town. Also what is the price range for renting apartments, vs mobile homes vs duplexes.
IIs it a hard town to learn to get around in and is is fairly well marked?
Thanks for any and all information.

2007-11-14 19:32:03 · 1 answers · asked by Su-Nami 6 in Other - United States

i'm just dying to know

2007-11-14 19:31:19 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Food & Drink

So that wall paper lasts long, what should one b careful of while applying?

2007-11-14 19:31:18 · 2 answers · asked by Mirando M 1 in Decorating & Remodeling

Charlemagne, King David,Julius Caesar
Alexander the Great?

If you are a woman with who would you prefer to have a romance?

2007-11-14 19:30:57 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4 in History

I went to the ER yesterday I am 15 years old and I was diagnosed with strep throat,a severe case anywho my doctor was snobby and didnt want to answer any of my questions,So I took the shot to the but it was very painful =[ but it's not for pain just an antibiotic shot,So therefore im left here in this un-bearable pain of my throat and I am straving! What can I do or eat to relieve this pain? NOTE; I do ont have any honey,hot tea,lime or anything like that.
But I do have ice cream,Thanks for your help and time God bless-

2007-11-14 19:30:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pain & Pain Management

i've never had one before so i have no idea where to go.

2007-11-14 19:30:16 · 10 answers · asked by bubble31 2 in Other - Beauty & Style

What do you do when you love someone so deeply and that someone is not showing any interest in you?

2007-11-14 19:30:07 · 5 answers · asked by yod 1 in Singles & Dating

2007-11-14 19:30:07 · 48 answers · asked by berty 3 in People with Disabilities

2007-11-14 19:29:59 · 16 answers · asked by trinity 5 in Religion & Spirituality

We are planning to go to Diveagar from Pune by car. Most of the people have recommeded via the Tamhini ghat, but we would prefer express highway. We had gone via Tamhini ghat to Roha earlier, but found the road extremely winding with continuous curves. Can someone explain the route via express highway? Also, how much more time will we take if we travel via express highway than tamhini ghat?

2007-11-14 19:29:25 · 3 answers · asked by maze_nav 1 in Other - Destinations

This is my high school sweetheart,my first boyfriend,i fell in love with him.We went out when i was 15(18) and he was16(19),our relationship lasted 11 months b/c i broke up with him, we had a longdistance relationship.He's been always abad guy,been in jail & all that,and also cheated on me that's why i brokeup with him b/c i couldnt trust him.We didnt see each other 4 almost 2 years.When he came back i gave him another chance,but he messed up again,b/c he didnt do anything to become a better person instead kept doing drugs no job nothing.Iwas mad,& i got tired of this situation b/c i do go to college and have a decent job, & thats what i wanted for him. Now his family is sending him out of the country so he told me he is leaving next week.We spent monday nite together i was happy,but i called him today if he wanted to meet up,& he said no b/c he didnt want to say bye,&dont stress or worry about him.he'll be ok.& to be good,i'll find someone that deserves me.i love him idntknow what 2do

2007-11-14 19:29:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

10- I'm the nicest person I know....lol

2007-11-14 19:29:18 · 58 answers · asked by ?only?me? 6 in Polls & Surveys