A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceed to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp it.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the Cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat Me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The reccommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-11-14 19:35:24 · 13 answers · asked by 2Tall 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Star if u like?
2007-11-14 19:35:46 · update #1
That was funny. :-)
2007-11-14 20:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by Baby Kitty Sucks! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hilarious!
2007-11-14 21:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Funny! 100!
2007-11-14 22:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hilarious! Made me laugh out loud!
2007-11-14 19:41:38 · answer #4 · answered by sheek Txn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's!!
This is just too fantastic. Man. Loved it, loved it. I still have tears in my eyes. Thanks man, you just made my day
2007-11-14 22:45:11 · answer #5 · answered by Kil B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You get a star. The late J.C. LMAO
2007-11-14 19:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by Sincere Lee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
poor child she lost mommy and uncle paul
2016-05-23 06:01:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL
Definately made my day!
2007-11-18 19:29:39 · answer #8 · answered by bgirl-illest 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol, 10/10, *, hilarious.
2007-11-14 21:08:24 · answer #9 · answered by xyz 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, yea, that's FUNNY!!!!
2007-11-14 19:53:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I LOVE IT - IT ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF. I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD IT MADE ME CRY. THANKS SO MUCH FOR A MUCH NEEDED LAUGH AT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!
I give it 4 stars!!!! Thanks once again!!!
2007-11-14 19:44:01 · answer #11 · answered by Su-Nami 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋