Here are the steps you need to take in order to be a good democrat:
You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and are caused by soccer moms driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand and immediately pulling the plug on anyone who happens to be in a coma.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
You have to believe that every plan Republicans make is a bad idea, but you cannot form any plan of your own whatsoever.
You have to believe that giving the government complete control over everthing you do is a good idea.
You have to believe that manipulating other people through guilt is O.K.
You have to believe that allowing the Army to invade a state illegally without the governer's approval is O.K., and is better than actually getting a governer who is willing to call greyhound buses to transport natural disaster victims to medical help and living stations they had prepared ahead of time.
You have to believe that you can blame the President for the failure of a state government's to do what it's supposed to do.
You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal.
You have to believe that the only reason that socialism fails whenever it's been tried is because people like you haven't been in charge.
You have to believe conservatives that tell the truth belong in jail, but a Democrat that's liar and sex offender are fine in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interests of the United States.
You have to believe that emotions, not facts, should affect objective decisions.
You have to believe that it is normal to get all choked up at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You have to believe that Tony (Frank Sinatra) in the movie A Hole in the Head is a victim.
You have to believe that the lives of animals and convicted murderers are more valuble than the lives of human fetuses.
You have to believe that it is immoral to build factories in third-world countries, but funding their kleptocracies isn't.
You have to believe that when gun-control laws are implemented, criminals will just hand over their guns.
You have to believe that bussinesses do not create wealth but the government does.
You have to believe that this list is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
2006-07-07
06:07:10
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10 answers
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asked by
Vincent Valentine
5
in
Politics