Here is a short passage from my book, but I need to know how bad it is and please point out the mistakes, Im just a beginner in the art of writing
Joane woke up to the sweet scent of the red roses. She felt warm and comfortable under the black silk sheets of the great bed. She slowly got off the bed, dressed in a silk black nightgown, the cloth soft to the touch. Her bare footsteps met the cool surface of the black marble floor as she made her way towards the tall golden doors that opened up to the balcony. The high balcony looked over the rose gardens of the house. As she opened the tall golden doors, a soft scented wind greeted her face and the bright amber light of the early red sun flooded into the marble walled room, making it bright with a golden glow. She stepped up to the balcony and looked over the land, her land. She looked at the city before her, beyond the walls of her house, the many houses of the city lined up under the crimson sun and the black moon. One side of the moon a vibrant glow of amber, soon the sun would move to block the moon behind it, making the city bright with its vibrant amber light. Her house towered over all of Rose city’s buildings except for the holy temple. In the East, below the amber black sky, she could see the domed rooftop of the holy temple of Rose city, its golden dome a warm glow under the light of the small crimson sun. She remembered the first time she saw the House of Roses. It was years before, when she was just a little girl. She had moved to the Rose city with her mother when she was still a child of ten. She remembered seeing the two towering buildings for the first time, the House of Roses, all made of black marble, its top flat and red with gardens of roses. Her eyes then had marveled at the beauty of the golden dome top of the temple of Roses, its white stone walls bright and pure. She remembered riding slowly with her mother through the busy streets and crowds of people, the two towering buildings had stood high on opposite ends, the black house of Roses on the West and the temple of Roses on the East. That was all long ago. Many years had passed since that day she rode with her mother for the first time into the Rose city. Many years had passed and many things had changed. She wished her mother had been there to see her rise to rule over all of the Rose lands. But now her mother was gone so there was no use thinking of things that didn’t happen and could never happen. She had become all powerful and feared but with all her power, with all her priests and with all her mages, she could never bring her mother back from the dead.
2007-06-21
04:50:07
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11 answers
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asked by
Exedius M
1