I want become a fantasy novel writer, how are my writing skills so far?

Question

Here is a short passage from my book, but I need to know how bad it is and please point out the mistakes, Im just a beginner in the art of writing

Joane woke up to the sweet scent of the red roses. She felt warm and comfortable under the black silk sheets of the great bed. She slowly got off the bed, dressed in a silk black nightgown, the cloth soft to the touch. Her bare footsteps met the cool surface of the black marble floor as she made her way towards the tall golden doors that opened up to the balcony. The high balcony looked over the rose gardens of the house. As she opened the tall golden doors, a soft scented wind greeted her face and the bright amber light of the early red sun flooded into the marble walled room, making it bright with a golden glow. She stepped up to the balcony and looked over the land, her land. She looked at the city before her, beyond the walls of her house, the many houses of the city lined up under the crimson sun and the black moon. One side of the moon a vibrant glow of amber, soon the sun would move to block the moon behind it, making the city bright with its vibrant amber light. Her house towered over all of Rose city’s buildings except for the holy temple. In the East, below the amber black sky, she could see the domed rooftop of the holy temple of Rose city, its golden dome a warm glow under the light of the small crimson sun. She remembered the first time she saw the House of Roses. It was years before, when she was just a little girl. She had moved to the Rose city with her mother when she was still a child of ten. She remembered seeing the two towering buildings for the first time, the House of Roses, all made of black marble, its top flat and red with gardens of roses. Her eyes then had marveled at the beauty of the golden dome top of the temple of Roses, its white stone walls bright and pure. She remembered riding slowly with her mother through the busy streets and crowds of people, the two towering buildings had stood high on opposite ends, the black house of Roses on the West and the temple of Roses on the East. That was all long ago. Many years had passed since that day she rode with her mother for the first time into the Rose city. Many years had passed and many things had changed. She wished her mother had been there to see her rise to rule over all of the Rose lands. But now her mother was gone so there was no use thinking of things that didn’t happen and could never happen. She had become all powerful and feared but with all her power, with all her priests and with all her mages, she could never bring her mother back from the dead.

I just want to say thanks to all the answerers, already I have learnt so much from the things you pointed out. It will jelp me become a better writer, really, thanks!!

Answer 1

I would say that you have a good storyline, but there are a few things I would change. For instance I would spend a little bit less time describing things. And at the beginning maybe say Joane woke up to the sweet scent of red roses. Instead of Joane woke up to the sweet scent of the red roses.
I would love to get a chance to read more of your story.
The Beauty of writing is that it's all up to you the author.
You can make anything happen in your books whenever you feel like it.
I too love to write fantasy.
Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Yeah, it is kind of repetitive...hearing the same descriptions several times gets well, repetitive...try switching words around, like instead of tall golden doors, the second time, you can put the mammoth gates, the giant etc., something like that, or instead of using only the word black, use ebony, or dark. Don't use the same descriptive words too many times. But it is worse if you use a word you don't know how to use properly, so avoid that.

Also I keep hearing the words "golden" and "amber" is there any way to avoid using the same words like that over and over? Other than that, I like it, good luck at becoming a writer.

Answer 3

I am the editor of a private company dealing in fantasy--your lucky day! (I'm between assignments at the moment.) Your prose is well-composed, descriptive, and proper in context and grammar. (Thank you!) But there are way too many descriptive adjectives. More colors are named than one can comprehend. It's not necessary to name the color of the floors, clothes, and doors in the first paragraph, and amber was used more times than necessary.
I'm supposing that Yahoo Answers merged the story into one huge paragraph and that you had the sense to divide it between action of the character and description of the city, and then musing on the past.
I'm supposing, with the description of power and fear, she is an anti-heroine. You'll need to stress that throughout the tale and not move to make her sympathetic. If you do want to make her misunderstood and put-upon, then drop those words.
To be published, you need to complete the story fully. Good luck. It looks like an interesting beginning--keep it up.

Answer 4

It's actually not bad at all. But I (the grammar freak) have to say/type two things:
1) You're using too many "she"s. That usually stops a lot of stories from flowing together.
2) Wouldn't city (as in "Rose city") be capitalised?

Answer 5

A little repetitive. I had to read the the sheets are black silk and the robe is black silk. The she walks twoards the tall golden doors and then opens the tall golden doors. she looks over the land, her land and then she looks over the city. Etc.

Otherwise it is a good beginning.

Answer 6

Not bad at all, but avoid repeating some words and try not to use too many color adjectives, but liken the color to some other object. One other thing, try making your sentences a little longer, combine a couple of shorter ones. You're off to a good start.

Answer 7

Its nice. Very descriptive. It reminds me of Ann Rice's style of writing, she is very decriptive as well.

It does not seem to flow as well as it could however. You need more story line mixed in with your decription.

The story line needs to draw the reader in and guide them along, the descriptions fill in the details...

Answer 8

It looks pretty good to me. All it needs is separating into paragraphs.

Answer 9

great opening wonderfull descritions loved it im also an aspiring author but i write realistic fiction

Answer 10

this is awesom. Continue writing and i'd be happy to read the whole story. this is my email: [e-mail]
send me your book and i can even publisize it over the internet, if you like.
you are excellent.
Please rate me good.