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'Twas the Night before Christmas, And Santa's Pissed

Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.

I've busted my ***
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..

The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS

And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?

And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM

If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.

They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.

I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ***
And collect unemployment

There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....

2006-12-03 18:27:23 · 10 answers · asked by katlady927 6 in Jokes & Riddles

So two weeks ago I told you about how my boyfriend stole a condom from me. I said nothing about it and waited to see if he would do it again and he DID!

I broke up with him on that same day and told him that I did not want to be with him because he stole my condoms to obviously use with someone else. Of course he claims that he made a mistake and accidentally left 3 of them in his pocket but that does not explain while he went into my room when he thought I was not looking and took some from my stash.

Why would a guy take condoms from his girlfriend while she is not looking???

Obviously he is cheating right???

2006-12-03 18:27:03 · 18 answers · asked by pretty_nice_girl 2 in Singles & Dating

asking me to make the first move in steps to talk to him. My father and mother are still married. Growing up I have seen my father physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse my mother. Well 4 months ago I took my son to see them and my father started his normal drunken rant about what a peice of crap I am. (for reference I graduated valedictorian of my high school and currently am trying to get my bachelors degree, I am a single mom due to leaving my ex of 5 years that put me through 2 walls and tore all the ligaments in my wrist) Well the reason my mom wants me to make amends with my father is because I am getting married in a 6 months and she wants to be a part of the wedding but she's scared my dad wont let her. See he tells her what to do and its very upsetting to see him mistreat my mom. She has done all of the tile work in the house that they had built, he demands her to make him drinks, gets upset with her for working, and just belittles her. WHAT SHOULD I DO????

2006-12-03 18:26:57 · 9 answers · asked by kort 2 in Family

2006-12-03 18:26:57 · 2 answers · asked by gomathi e 1 in Politics

i need help ???
i want to know why can't a male & female be close friends
why do the male always want something more then a friend
he is confusing me ?? This make me hate him.

2006-12-03 18:26:44 · 3 answers · asked by 1111 3 in Friends

Bad Pet Rock..Bad!!

2006-12-03 18:26:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I'll never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever, I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to Heaven.

2006-12-03 18:26:39 · 17 answers · asked by metal maniac 3 in Singles & Dating

2006-12-03 18:26:24 · 19 answers · asked by Macky 2 in Singles & Dating

2006-12-03 18:26:23 · 11 answers · asked by drateRa 3 in Polls & Surveys

i don't mean chapter of John which came many years after jesus crossification, i mean the chapters that actually happend during Jesus time, when he was a live.

2006-12-03 18:26:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

i just want to know that above mentioned details

name yogesh verma
date of birth 29/08/1982
time of birth 11:15 AM

2006-12-03 18:26:03 · 6 answers · asked by Yogesh V 2 in Horoscopes

Can someone tell me how hair stylist get you hair thinned. i understand they use thinning scissors but im not sure how it thins.

2006-12-03 18:25:41 · 9 answers · asked by RONNYBOO! 2 in Hair

I AM 14 AND I HAVE STRETCH MARKS I AM LOOSING ALOT OF WIEGHT BUT I AM NOT LOOSING THE STRETCH MARKS AND ITS TORTUREING ME WHAT DO I DO?!

2006-12-03 18:25:34 · 6 answers · asked by helper 1 in Women's Health

then why not call a taco or burritto a sandwich too .huh??

2006-12-03 18:25:31 · 10 answers · asked by dirtdevil215 3 in Ethnic Cuisine

a link would be nice :)

2006-12-03 18:25:26 · 2 answers · asked by alexp 1 in Other - Holidays

2006-12-03 18:25:18 · 5 answers · asked by amazing_sweet_angel 1 in Homework Help

For instance; once people are married, or in a serious relationship, it seems that they aren't interested in getting closer; or maybe it is just me that aren't interested in geting close to.

Anyway, I would welcome some replies and peoples views on this subject; but please be kind.

2006-12-03 18:25:18 · 7 answers · asked by thenew30 1 in Friends

2006-12-03 18:25:14 · 4 answers · asked by RainbowGirl 4 in Other - Society & Culture

i m hard worker and very profesional in computer, designing, advertising. I am single and very available to marry. I came from good family, and my earn is good too. I know i am good looking also. i want to live and work in canada. i am 37 yo. is that fault ?

2006-12-03 18:25:03 · 4 answers · asked by avcuser 1 in Other - Canada

there is a guy that is interested in me... has shown it for a while now... he is way older than i am and normally i dont like older guys but since i graduated from college, i have automatically been turned on by men 15-25 years older than me.. he is wealthy and has high status... is it possible that this is whats drawing so close to him'? im not a gold digger but i just have never experienced liking someone so old, so im trying to figure out why im so hooked?

2006-12-03 18:24:57 · 7 answers · asked by trendsetta 1 in Singles & Dating

with following weight watchers and excersing everyday?

2006-12-03 18:24:57 · 6 answers · asked by 1212 2 in Diet & Fitness

My kids got me computer..must have done a 90 day trial..was out of town --today my computer said these four things expired 4 days ago.

McAfee SpamKiller,
McAfee Privacy Service
McAfee Personal Firewall Plus
McAfee VirusScan

It show my antiabuse and antispam killer as red (antivirus index and antihacker index still are green)

Virus span and personal firewall plus are still protected, while privacy service and spamkiller are expired.

Are there any free comparable protections out there..also to reinstate all, how much is it..is it $29.95 for each one or for all of them?

If you give a free program, do you have link for download..is it permantly free or temporary?

Please help.

2006-12-03 18:24:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Security

on and on...."down in jamacia they've got lots of pretty woman,,,,,,"

2006-12-03 18:24:56 · 4 answers · asked by jgmafb 5 in Music

NOTE:

1) I am not a racist person, i just asked because I am just curious to know what other people thinks

2) and, keep in mind, GENERALLY SPEAKING, when you answer.

3) please no exceptions.

2006-12-03 18:24:47 · 9 answers · asked by David F 2 in Sociology

I met my girlfriend about 7 weeks ago and we have been together ever since. She is wanting to wait till we're 'in love' before we have sex. I was totally fine with that because I really care about her. BUT we don't even fool around. It is ****** frustrating because all we do is kiss and its getting old real fast. I know she doesn't want to have sex and thats fine, but some kind of sex life is important and anyone who thinks otherwise is full of sh*t. I tried discussing this with her but it didn't go too well. I don't see this being a healthy relationship if I can't do anything with my own girlfriend. Should I accidentally have sex with someone else to tie me over?

2006-12-03 18:24:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

fedest.com, questions and answers