asking me to make the first move in steps to talk to him. My father and mother are still married. Growing up I have seen my father physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse my mother. Well 4 months ago I took my son to see them and my father started his normal drunken rant about what a peice of crap I am. (for reference I graduated valedictorian of my high school and currently am trying to get my bachelors degree, I am a single mom due to leaving my ex of 5 years that put me through 2 walls and tore all the ligaments in my wrist) Well the reason my mom wants me to make amends with my father is because I am getting married in a 6 months and she wants to be a part of the wedding but she's scared my dad wont let her. See he tells her what to do and its very upsetting to see him mistreat my mom. She has done all of the tile work in the house that they had built, he demands her to make him drinks, gets upset with her for working, and just belittles her. WHAT SHOULD I DO????
2006-12-03 18:26:57 · 9 answers · asked by kort 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son hasnt seen his grandfather in 4 months either.
2006-12-03 18:33:17 · update #1
My Dad and I have not be close all my life. He has treated me and my sister like crap from as far as I can remember. He doesn't treated my brother like that. So one day I just woke up and said no more. I went to him and told him that I loved him but I was not going to put myself through this pain and hurt anymore. From that day on I felt free. He tries everything he can think of now to get me to do things with him and tells me he loves me but it's too late and doesn't even phase me now. I am way passed the pain and I am through bring hurt.
The minute I let my guard down he will stab me in the back again.
So don't give your dad the hold on you cause that's what he wants.
I still talk to him when and if I see him but as to have a relationship with him, I don't want it and don't even try.
They always say that you marry someone like you father. Well I did when I was 18yrs old and was divorced by 20. I am now 33 and have not been married since. So I would just take a look at this person you are about to marry and make sure he is the one.
Tell your mom that you love her and wish she wouldn't stay in her situation but if that is what she chooses then that's fine. I told my mom if you are happy then I am happy. I would tell her that you and your son will not be a part of your father's crap. You don't want your son thinking that is ok and him end up being like that.
He did my sister that way too and she had my brother give her away. He was very very mad and wouldn't talk to us for months but eventually he got over it.
You are the only one who can protect your son, so do it and do it well. And Please make sure this man you are going to marry is going to be good to your son. I mean as good as you are to him.
You are a package deal and he NEEDS to love him too.
I know this is long but I hope I helped a little.
If you can, don't even tell your dad when you are getting married and tell him you guys are having lunch. Or tell him how you feel and make him choose.
2006-12-03 19:16:18 · answer #1 · answered by Stephie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard as it may be I'd cut my ties with him, you don't need the emotional and verbal abuse. Just tell your Mom that you love her and want her to be a part of your life, but not your Dad. You are not asking her to make a choice between the two of you, your just telling her like it is. You can still see her, just not at their home. You nor your child need to hear and see him be mean to anyone. Your Mother is obviously co-dependent and if she doesn't want to put a stop to how he treats her there's nothing you can do unless your there or on the phone and hear the physical abuse, then of course you can call 911. If she has any marks on her they will take him to jail. Although she will probably be mad at you, but it will be worth it if it saves her life.
2006-12-03 18:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee, this situation sure sounds familiar. I did the same thing and my kids FINALLY started talking to their dad; only to break it off with him because of his erratic behavior once more. I think your mother is being a little unrealistic here. Is she too blind to see the truth?The Bible teaches us to forgive but then again there is such a thing as being taken for granted and emotionally abused. I've had it for years and I'm glad I'm away from it. I would act civil towards your father but would refuse to be around a situation where he can be mentally abusive.
2006-12-03 18:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really hate to see people go through things like this. you're a very strong person and very talented--congrats on being first in class! i think your mom needs to leave your dad. she should have left him a long time ago because of all the abuse. its so awful to hear that. i'm rereading your details, and that's the only thing i can come up with. i hope this helps and i hope you get what you truly deserve: a happy life with loving people surrounding you. my prayers are with you.
2006-12-03 18:42:00 · answer #4 · answered by blue_bee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See, You're tending to apply your own morality to your parents. You can't do that. If your mom, or any other person for that matter, accepts the relationship they are in for what it is, none of us have any business judging them for it.
A person, your dad in this case, will always take it to the level that they know will be tolerated.
Take a lesson from your folks and don't take any crap.
That includes crap from your dad!
To keep things as great as you can, I think you should say that you aren't not talking to him, rather, you choose not to expose yourself and your child to that kind of abuse. I'd tell MY dad that I'd be happy...thrilled to talk to him if he has anything that he cares to make the effort to talk to me about.
Finally, your mom is enabling your dad by asking you to forgive his treatment of you.
If you so disrespect your dad for the way he treats your mom, you must also disrespect your mom for tolerating such mistreatment.
Stand your ground. If she can't attend your wedding that will just chalk up as another of the many sacrifices she chooses to make on a daily basis in order to maintain her level of happiness in her marriage.
DON"T MAKE HER CHOOSE SIDES!! It's your mom! Just don't ask your dad to forgive you for the way he treated you so that your mom doesn't have to deal with it. She chooses her relationship every day. She should deal with it, not you.
I wish you luck!
2006-12-03 18:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by JOHN G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom really needs help and shouldn't put you in such a position. And you shouldn't have your child around your drunken dad. Try and get your mom some help, counseling or something.
2006-12-03 18:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither you nor your daughter choose this ba*<"^*), yet then deep down you understand this already. bypass on, locate somebody else, once you should safeguard your daughter on your own then achieve this. you quite opt to ignore him completely, there's a lot to do including your existence so do it and also you may want to lose the stress. Its a tricky determination to make, do purely it and quickly
2016-11-23 15:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow,that is awful. he needs an intervention.. that is a dilema...he is obviously a problem, your mother should be there more than your father , but how can you choose. what your father is doing is very wrong. you do not need and should not have any worries on your wedding day, maybe he should not be invited
2006-12-03 18:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by i_am2die4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this situation i would avoid your dad...If your mom wants to put up with his crude, she is a grown woman and thats HER problem. There is no need for you to have anything to do with dad, nor let him have anything to do with your kid...
2006-12-03 18:50:37 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋