'Twas the Night before Christmas, And Santa's Pissed
Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ***
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..
The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS
And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM
If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird
Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.
I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ***
And collect unemployment
There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....
2006-12-03 18:27:23 · 10 answers · asked by katlady927 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Very good Al p you should put that out there I see you knew the real side of Hollywood I lived In LA 83-86 at Normandy and 25th which Normandy ran straight into Hollywood and that place is a sin hole
2006-12-04 05:04:14 · update #1
I wrote this in 95
T'is the night before Christmas, I'm in Hollywood, Ca.
I'm all alone, but thats okay
out in the yard I hear a lot of chatter
I peek out the window to see what's the matter.
Fat drunk on the sidewalk he's holding his d.ick.
He's pis.sing in my bushes this guy ain't St. Nick.
Movie stars are slumming down on Sunset Blvd.
Making millions of dollars cause they work so hard.
Alec Baldwin punches a paparazzi in the nose.
Hugh Grant's driving Sunset. He's looking for ho's.
The night clubs are jumping, the brat pack is there.
River Pheonix won't be home for Christmas this year.
Heidi Fleiss is supplying young girls to the rich .
Charlie Sheen is buying the horny son-of-a-bit.ch.
Paula's breaking up with OJ don't want to see him again.
She's concerned about that area under her chinny chin chin.
A producer's counting out all the money he can skim.
Got an opening for a new star if she's got an opening for him.
Things are kinda different here in my neighborhood.
Can't say it's real bad, but it ain't all that good.
The winos are snuggled in their newspaper beds.
While dreams of hot meals dance in their heads.
Crack whores on their knees trying to earn some rock.
While the higher price hookers are just down the block.
Gang bangers hanging out playing music real loud.
A chevy drives by someone shoots at the crowd.
As I look around I see maybe I don't have a lot.
but I am thankful cause it's more than they've got.
I turn from the window I turn on the TV.
It's a cosy little Christmas just my dog Jelly and me.
2006-12-03 18:42:40 · answer #1 · answered by al p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-17 16:34:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best 1 i have read on here today LMAO thank you
2006-12-03 20:22:14 · answer #3 · answered by chass_lee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
aww thats a good one imma give you a 10!
2006-12-03 18:54:19 · answer #4 · answered by YoMoMMa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is cancelled? Thank christ for that.
2006-12-03 18:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by people are scum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG LMAO that's a good one!
2006-12-03 18:31:05 · answer #6 · answered by booh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first time ive laughed at anything on answers .. its great ..
2006-12-03 18:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahahaha finally someone has posted something i haven't heard before. Thanks 4 the laugh.
2006-12-03 18:54:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lia*808 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh .... i cant stop laughin!!!!!
2006-12-03 18:39:06 · answer #9 · answered by ToXiC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddd
2006-12-03 18:30:42 · answer #10 · answered by Hermione 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋