Senior Citizens

YA's spell check malfunctioning this afternoon? I know it showed 'no misspellings found' at least once when there was an obvious error.

2007-11-30 09:04:46 · 18 answers · asked by Just Hazel 6

A Martian went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Martians.


The game warden ordered the Martian to show his hunting license, and the Martian pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.


The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license,boy?"


The Martian reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.


The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"


The Martian reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"


Again the Martian reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.


The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Martian "Just where the hell are you from?"


The Martian smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, " You tell me, you're the expert

2007-11-30 09:02:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

For a change? My one disability pension has been approved! WAHOO ! I will now receive $900 a month instead of the $600 I have been struggling to live on. AND they provide some medical and dental coverage as well - and hopefully coverage for the bottled water and supplements and medications I have to take. I cant drink tap water, I start throwing up if I do and I have to avoid ALL bacteria sources. Other people can handle them, I cant.

This IS good news. God is good.

2007-11-30 08:44:57 · 40 answers · asked by isotope2007 6

never to late

2007-11-30 08:27:38 · 20 answers · asked by gggggg 6

Hubby had been doing the veg for dinner. He likes to do them, on a board ,in the front room while watching TV. Goes back and forth from kitchen to living room with prepared veg in various saucepans. All of a sudden "I've lost my knife"
Major brain damage! We searched the kitchen, the front room, The bin outside (because he had recycled something)
the bathroom (I even looked down the toilet). We searched the couch where he had been sitting and he even said I know I am going to stab myself at some point.
Well, luckily he didn't but he found them in the back pocket of his jeans! Was this a lapse, a senior moment or should I keep a close eye on him in the future?

2007-11-30 07:53:10 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was in line at the convenience store last night and a man in front told the child with him, "Put that milk (a pint carton) back, I ain't got no money to spend on junk like that." Then he proceeded to buy $10 worth of lottery tickets. I wanted so badly to call him on it but didn't have the nerve. As soon as I was back at home, I wished that I had either bought the milk for the child or read him the riot act. What would you have done?

2007-11-30 07:10:20 · 36 answers · asked by Just Hazel 6

she went to bring the new neighbors some fried chicekn and they grabbed it, kicked her in the shins and then proceeded to toss water blaoons at her. Then after, she called me in hysterics as they started throwing chicken bones at her house and shaking their "big butts" on her windows. What do I do, she loves that neighborhood.?

2007-11-30 07:09:28 · 12 answers · asked by Patrick 3

Tennis balls that is. This guy is really amazing.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=N2NDpPSgfwo

2007-11-30 07:04:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny: A Moral Story

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story....

The next day Johnny tells his story....

"My dad fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more, but the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands"

Teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story....Johnny replies, "Yeah... don't mess with my dad when he's been drinking"

2007-11-30 06:53:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-30 06:37:35 · 13 answers · asked by Sugar 7

For Better or Worse

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side ....You know what?"
"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck."

2007-11-30 06:36:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades . She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot 'gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were seven more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggled and flipped the 'gator onto its back. Rolling her
eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out:

"Damn.... ......... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

2007-11-30 06:22:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

And the 'background' music is so loud or so obnoxious that you can't think. I know I'm dealing with an old brain and - with distractions - it doesn't function well so does it bother anyone else? Sometimes I think the music is there to either amuse the employees or to keep them awake. It doesn't matter if it annoys the customers. Unfortunately my local grocery and drug store do this often.

A certain book store I used to frequent had a corner devoted to music and videos. The music manager would play one type of music and the book manager would play another and each would see who could play the loudest. To customers, it was sheer cacphoney - discordant sound - and not at all conducive to choosing a book. I'll bet someone in an office somewhere wondered why this book store sold so few books that they had to go out of business.

Background music was originally designed to keep large, cavernous buildings from having a 'dead' sound. It was never meant to be intrusive.

2007-11-30 06:18:49 · 20 answers · asked by Just Hazel 6

2007-11-30 06:02:55 · 10 answers · asked by Yahoo 4

I did not drink many sodas for years but in the past year I have realized I traded half of my usual coffee imbibing up for Coca-Cola. The calories, the acid--I don't care at this point. I want sugar and caffiene.
I tell myself well it is cheaper than Crown Royal...and I don't become loop legged.
There a ton of other things I do that are not the healthiest, but hey have to save somethings for future Q's & A's.

2007-11-30 05:54:11 · 43 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

Most of us seniors here grew up in the beginnings of the rock n roll era. Music has progressed a lot since then, and there have been some really great new artists in the last few years, but do you find that a lot of the new stuff is redundant, same
sound over and over with not a lot of originality? I don't like the fact that a lot of performers "eat the mike" and you can't understand the words. Even my 17 yr old grandaughter says, "what good are they if you can't understand the words so you can sing along?," so I don't think it is just my aging ears. What new rock songs or artists that you really like? Do you think American Idol is a good thing, are are we getting really good performers or are we getting "manufactured" artists?

2007-11-30 05:34:12 · 17 answers · asked by Isadora 6

When someone near retirement age...
loses all savings... for whatever reason...

how can you help them? (if not financially)...

2007-11-30 05:05:13 · 7 answers · asked by C Sunshine 6

2007-11-30 05:03:08 · 19 answers · asked by ndnquah 6

I love reading the jokes & stories.

2007-11-30 04:16:28 · 11 answers · asked by EM 6

I just found this at:
http://www.mindingoureldersblogs.com/2007/11/home-instead-se.html

Sounds like a great idea! Do you participate in this program or others?

2007-11-30 04:06:27 · 8 answers · asked by kayboff 7

in your hometown-either where you lived as a child or where you live now-that is a tourist attraction but you have never been there?

2007-11-30 03:41:15 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

a unique pet name you call your spouse, children or grandchildren?
When we first married my husband and I called each other "Beso" (which means "kiss" in spanish). I call my granddaughters (don't even remember how or why it started) "pumpkin noodle" or "pooh berry" Jow about you?

2007-11-30 03:39:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse comes along. And when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves, Art Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.

2007-11-30 03:08:25 · 34 answers · asked by Gladys 6

2007-11-30 03:06:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

We (in Australia) have a new Prime Minister who has promised to "bring the troops home".....how do you feel ? Do you wish that your President would do likewise?

2007-11-30 02:44:00 · 33 answers · asked by Stella 6

2007-11-30 02:17:35 · 25 answers · asked by ndnquah 6

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked
out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said,
"Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I
can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when
he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the
Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the
coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor
asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terribly, doctor, terribly."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up
and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love
on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."

2007-11-30 02:16:20 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

Jane: "I visited my Nana."
Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Harry: I had a ride on a choo-choo."
Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Little Johnny: I read a whole book by myself for the first time."

Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?"

Little Johnny, with a big grin: "Winnie The S#it!"

2007-11-30 02:12:06 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is only a question, not a rant, not a statement, just a question. I am only asking for your views?

2007-11-30 01:45:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

An older man goes for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.

When the doctor enters the examination room he says, 'I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample.'

The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, 'What did he say?'

The wife yells back to him, 'Give him your underwear!'

2007-11-30 01:45:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous