Senior Citizens

2007-11-30 01:44:05 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Osama was killed by a US bomb, and immediately found himself in a large room filled with fat middle aged men.

"Will the Star Trek Convention Klingon Council Break-Out Session now commence?"

Osama grew panicked, and ran out of the room, only to face Muhhammed himself.

"This is not the paridise I was promised in the Quoran."

"Yes it is...where did you expect I'd find you 72 virgins?"

2007-11-30 01:42:03 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"

2007-11-30 01:40:47 · 36 answers · asked by ? 5

I'm from the south, so I had never had apple cider.
A couple of years ago I was in the Florida Panhandle and it was freezing. Everyone was huddled around a fire and I was given a cup of hot apple cider, it was delicious.
I saw the man who prepared it put in a round packet of spices and have not been able to find out what the were are where you can purchase them.
I've looked around Wal-Mart and have never seen anything resembling that packet or anything that says hot apple cider spices.
Could someone from the great white north please clue me in? What am I suppose to season apple cider with?
I need an expert:~)

2007-11-30 01:40:36 · 17 answers · asked by Cheryl 6

2007-11-30 00:57:12 · 17 answers · asked by Esperanza 1

Well friends, I will be out of reach for approx 2 weeks as we depart Louisiana and head south to Texas. I thought I would never get out of here alive.
When I reach Texas, we will have to purchase a satellite system, so that we can have internet. This we have already ordered and is waiting our arrival.
I am anxious to leave and have much to do.
We should hit the highway either tomorrow or the following day.
Stay warm and stay safe. I'll be chatting with you soon:~)
Cheryl

2007-11-30 00:54:05 · 13 answers · asked by Cheryl 6

I was just thinking about past Christmas's and pondering on the parties etc,(not that I went to many though) and I had to chuckle about the time I went to a new years eve party and was told everyone HAD to wear fancy dress, so I got me a lovely outfit, I was going as a 1920's Flapper, it was a very cute dress, I was slim then..... I heard my Son chatting to friends on his phone, the conversation went..."Ye, we've all got our outfits...and guess what, my Mum is going as a SLAPPER" ..... omg.... I nearly died laughing......after a very speedy explanation to my Son
So, my question is, have you experienced someone misunderstand what word you used that turned out to funny

2007-11-30 00:00:32 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ HOPE ♥ 4

2007-11-29 22:25:46 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Christmas, staying at home or going to realtives or leaving the country!!!

2007-11-29 19:24:58 · 17 answers · asked by Little miss naughty 5

i feel a little sad about the whole thing, the old mans happy because it takes us ages to get them up and in place. i don't know if christmas will be the same.

2007-11-29 18:19:03 · 22 answers · asked by ⓑⓐⓨⓢⓐ ™ 6

2007-11-29 16:30:18 · 12 answers · asked by ncgirl 6

2007-11-29 16:04:28 · 10 answers · asked by ncgirl 6

Also known as the Ku Kux Klan.
How many seniors remember this group ?
Do you think they still exist in todays world?

2007-11-29 16:04:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you sang, danced, played an instrument etc .what are you doing with those talents now?

2007-11-29 15:59:21 · 14 answers · asked by Maureen S 7

sometimes I am and sometimes not!

2007-11-29 15:58:10 · 8 answers · asked by ncgirl 6

Have you had your ______ today?

2007-11-29 15:56:15 · 13 answers · asked by ncgirl 6

2007-11-29 15:37:45 · 20 answers · asked by ncgirl 6

Do you wear a flannel nightshirt and socks? Or do you wear nothing at all?

2007-11-29 15:04:23 · 49 answers · asked by Miz D 6

I don't know enough to even ask this question (sorry) but have you ever tried to play any of the video games? X-Box, Play Station, and whatever is new out there? What game? What was your experience with it?

I played my nephews Terminator game when they were kids (a long time ago). It was kind of fun. I played very bad but I can see how it can be addicting for the young ones. As I played longer, I got better. Other adults had to pull me off. Never played since.

2007-11-29 14:55:58 · 21 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists ... two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.. "This gun is loaded with blanks,” she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

2007-11-29 14:28:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-29 14:06:49 · 74 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

......worth only $25 or less do you hope to get?

2007-11-29 13:50:35 · 25 answers · asked by Eve 5

What was the word?

2007-11-29 13:46:49 · 31 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

"I pity the fool who _____________________ ?"

2007-11-29 13:45:13 · 29 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

....left to live what are 5 really important things that you would make certain to do?

2007-11-29 13:31:56 · 25 answers · asked by Eve 5

As a senior citizen, do you think this is a good idea?
I might be able to get a 25 year career.
I had a stroke at 29, now I realise that time is a differnt concept to what I thought.
I need some advice from older people, who have life experience.
Thank you.

2007-11-29 12:54:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hospital Cost Cutting Measures
To: All Hospital Staff
From: Adminstration/Groundskeeping
Date: March 23, 2000
Re: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective April 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas. In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardiac and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.

Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated phones will be available in the patient rooms for this purpose as well as for other calls the patient may wish to make.

Housekeeping and physical therapy are being combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range-of-motion exercise as well as a clean environment. Families of ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts for their final bill. Time cards will be provided.

As you can see in the "FROM" line above, administration is assuming grounds keeping duties. If an adminstrator cannot be reached by calling his/her office it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawn mower, weed whacker, etc.

Engineering is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the TIME_LIFE "How to..." series of maintainence books. These books can be checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving the series at the rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on Basic Wiring, but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.

Cutbacks in the phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related lab tests on patients who are already bleeding.

Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two x-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turnaround time required by Revco's photolab. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if they want extra sets. Revco's will honor competitor's coupons for one-hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any coupons, please clip them and send them to the ER.

In light of the extremely hot summer temperature the electric company has been asked to install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc., so that the electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will be available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop.

In addition to the current recycling program, a bin for the collection of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor. Families, patients and the few remaining employees are encouraged to contribute discarded produce. The resulting moldy compost will be utilized by the pharmacy for nocosomial production of antibiotics. The antibiotics will also be available for purchase through the hospital pharmacy and will, coincidentally, soon be the only antibiotics listed in the HMO's formulary.

2007-11-29 12:51:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was just a little girl but had a MAJOR crush on him!
http://www.fiftiesweb.com/tv/wild-bill-hickok.htm

2007-11-29 12:22:10 · 14 answers · asked by jersey girl in exile 6

I still have my record collection that I have moved from place to place for the past 30 yrs., I refuse to give it up!

2007-11-29 11:55:40 · 17 answers · asked by judy b 4

I'm just a regular country bumpkin. I tried living in a city once and couldn't handle it. Too many people, too close. I like plenty of elbow room!

2007-11-29 11:46:16 · 29 answers · asked by judy b 4