Senior Citizens

Ok, I sent a mail to some friends, and one has dared me to share it on the senior page. Here goes then! lol

A new employee was hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reported for her first day promptly at 8 a.m.

At 8:45 a.m. there was a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and began to rant about the new employee. He complained that she was incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decided he should see this for himself, so the two men marched down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there were Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they were really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stood the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

2007-12-04 09:13:55 · 26 answers · asked by ? 5

I've always used to sing "Deck the halls with "balls" of holly". One of my kids had to correct me!

2007-12-04 09:13:04 · 27 answers · asked by Gladys 6

A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."
"You've Thinned?"
"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."
"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."
"Will that wash away me Thin?"
"No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."

11.

2007-12-04 09:02:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need to know where the poinsettia came into Christmas and what it symbolizes...Thanks for input.

2007-12-04 09:01:28 · 6 answers · asked by Maw-Maw 7

pain inflicted by outsiders is never so terrible as suffering caused by one's own kin:

2007-12-04 06:50:23 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip, one pries says "Well, we've all worked together for many years, but don't really know one another. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins." They look nervously at each other but nod OK. The first priest says "Since I suggested it, I'll go first. With me it's the drink. Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself blind for a few days. Get it out of my system." They all look each other again nervously, but the next priest slowly starts "Wellll......with me, it's gambling. Periodically, I nick the money out of the poor box and go to the races. Spend it all! I get it out of my system." The third, who is really nervous now reluctantly says "This is very difficult. My sin is worse. I take off my collar and go into the red light district, pick out a lass, and spend a week in the saddle. I REEEEAAALY get it out of my system." They all look at the fourth priest waiting. He doesn't say anything. Then one of the four speaks up "Come now, we've all told our innermost faults. It's your turn." He looks at the others and starts hesitantly "Welllllll..... I'm an inveterate gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"

7.

2007-12-04 06:47:31 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

"dumbed down" a posted job classification or description in order for a friend or relative of theirs to qualify for and receive the job ?

2007-12-04 06:13:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Iam going to put on my raincoat, put on my little dogs raincoat and go for a walk as soon as i finish this question. I can see snow on the mountains this morning, at last.

2007-12-04 05:46:08 · 24 answers · asked by Star doodle 2

They sometimes tab us a old "rut puppies" do you ever do or say something wild and crazy just to rattle their chain?
If so, what?

2007-12-04 04:27:50 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New York where before long, she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went to confession in the church, which she had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"

2007-12-04 03:55:14 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

I sit on his lap every year at our towns Christmas kick off event. This year he sat on the step and I sat in Santa's chair! I didn't even ask for anything for Christmas this year. Just a photo!

2007-12-04 03:35:54 · 28 answers · asked by Granny 6

I liked this one I read in Arkansas:

Ma loved Pa
Pa love Women
Ma caught Pa with two in swimmin
Here lies Pa

2007-12-04 03:34:01 · 15 answers · asked by Miz D 6

Men are like..Laxatives...They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like..Bananas...The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like..weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like..Blenders...You need one but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like..Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth and they usually head straight for your hips.
Men are like..Commercials...You can't believe a word they say
Men are like..Dept.Stores...their clothes are always 1/2 off
Men are like..Government Bonds...They take soooooo long to mature
Men are likeMascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like..Popcorn...They satisfy you, but only for a little while
Men are like..Snowstorms.. You never know when they are coming, or how many inches you will get
Men are like..Lava lamps... fun to look at but not very bright.
By the way GUYS, Only joking! I love you all really!

2007-12-04 03:22:06 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-04 03:11:09 · 34 answers · asked by ivy 3

My mother is 89 years old, blind in one eye and has terrible eyesight in the other. Does anyone know of any organizations that could provide support for such a person? If not, what products beyond a standard magnifying glass might be useful? We live in St. Louis county, Mo. Thanks

2007-12-04 01:41:52 · 8 answers · asked by lojo 2

2007-12-04 01:26:45 · 11 answers · asked by Lady M 6

A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked "THE BOOK" and didn't find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.

Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large number of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn't find, they would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.

Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and folks were beginning to almost enjoy it.

About a month later the red phone rang. The devil answered, and found that God was on the other end of the line.

"Remember that mechanical engineer we sent down about 4 months ago?" God queried.

"Hell yes, I remember!" Said the devil.

"Well, Saint Peter missed that man's name on the last page of our book because the page was stuck to the one in front of it. So I want you to send the engineer back UPSTAIRS, as is our agreement. If they're on THE BOOK, then they stay UPHERE and if not, they go DOWNSTAIRS." God exclaimed!

"I'll be damned if your going to get that engineer back. He's put in an air conditioner and a sprinkler system down here and folks are almost happy to be here. I expect that when some folks hear about this they may begin to request to be sent DOWNSTAIRS!" said the devil.

"Now look here! We have an agreement! In the book---UPSTAIRS and not in the book---DOWNSTAIRS!! If you don't send that engineer back right away I believe I'll have to sue you!!!" shouted God!!

"And just where do you think you'll get an attorney?" replied the devil!!!!!

2007-12-04 01:22:52 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
> > I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
> >
> > What do they say?" the priest inquired.
> >
> > They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
> >
> > "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment.
> >
> > "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two
> > male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
> >
> > "Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage
> > with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and
> > worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
> >
> > "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
> >
> > The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he
> > ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage,
> > holding rosary beads and praying.
> >
> > Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
> >
> > After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're
> > hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
> >
> > There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the
> > other male parrot and exclaimed,
> >
> > "Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"

2007-12-04 01:05:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

While visiting her husband in hospital the consultant called her aside for a private word.

He says " I'm afraid I don't like the look of your husband"

The wife replied, "Neither do I, but he's not home a lot and he is good with the children!"

2007-12-04 00:51:08 · 24 answers · asked by ? 5

Since July I have been campaigning to stop the building of three new properties very close to my house. Final meeting is Thursday. Only 3 of us have done the research and attended the meetings and whole heartedly campaigned, although at the first meeting 47 households had loads of enthusiasim to object. They will all be affected in some way, so should be helping too.
I am feeling let down. I've since been told this often happens. How about you, have you been let down by false promises?

If this is deleted for chatting so be it! It is a genuine question though so give it chance to get some answers. please.

2007-12-04 00:39:08 · 18 answers · asked by ? 5

2007-12-04 00:23:03 · 20 answers · asked by ndnquah 6

...does anyone else skim or just skip over questions/answers that are really long or Q&A's that turn out to be just long jokes/stories?

2007-12-03 21:34:40 · 28 answers · asked by yoga guy 4

2007-12-03 20:36:50 · 29 answers · asked by ⓑⓐⓨⓢⓐ ™ 6

It's my Father.
Ever since I can remember he's been very manipulating and when he doesn't get his own way becomes abusive emotionally either directly and/or indirectly.
Throughout the yrs. I've TRIED to make this relationship work/it's just way too long of a story to post here.

Ultimately he seems to put a price on his relationships w/his daughters [me inc.] and I'm sick and damn tired of it because this is NOT what life is supposed to be about.
Now he's all mad because he realizes that he has no power over me concerning money anymore [he was always dangling carrots in my face and constantly speaking of his will]
I told him all I wanted was "TIME" [to spend w/him]
However it has always been us going to visit him, then he never keeps his word about visiting me,unless of course I were in the hospital [when I had surgery]

He's mad at me because of this he says he's not giving out Christmas gifts this year. FINE WITH ME!
HOWEVER he'sTAKING IT OUT ON MY SISTERS TOO!
not good!

2007-12-03 19:47:39 · 15 answers · asked by Shuggah Pie Sweets 3

are hiding? Like Lady G, Wally and daisymae just for starters.

2007-12-03 17:58:13 · 9 answers · asked by Ju ju 6

"After a While"

"After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company isn't security.
You learn that Kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up high
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
And things have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you ask to much of it.

So, you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that your really are strong,
That you really can endure,
That you really do have worth.
And you learn
And you Learn
With every good-bye you learn

Author Unknown (19 yrs old when written)

2007-12-03 17:35:49 · 20 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

We love to eat this in the Winter months. There is way more tomatoes in it than macaroni-more on the soupy side.

2007-12-03 16:54:08 · 25 answers · asked by kriend 7

2007-12-03 16:52:51 · 20 answers · asked by LittleDaisy. 6

...and look forward to sharing more tomorrow...

2007-12-03 15:58:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!
> You my friends so do you mind if I share it with you?
>
> ???? Forward to all your friends, including me. And don't tell me
you're too
> ???? busy for this. Don't you know the phrase "stop and smell the
flowers"?
> ???? See how many "bouquets" you end up with!
>
> ???? Happiness keeps You Sweet,
>
> ???? Trials keep You Strong,
>
> ???? Sorrows keep You Human,
>
> ???? Failures keep You Humble,
>
> ???? Success keeps You Glowing,
>
> ???? But Only God keeps You Going!
>
> ???&! nbsp; Yo u are! so special!
>
> ???? Today is " online buddy day " Send this to your online friends
-? even? me , if I'm one of? them - and see how many you get today
>
>

2007-12-03 15:12:11 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous