It's my Father.
Ever since I can remember he's been very manipulating and when he doesn't get his own way becomes abusive emotionally either directly and/or indirectly.
Throughout the yrs. I've TRIED to make this relationship work/it's just way too long of a story to post here.
Ultimately he seems to put a price on his relationships w/his daughters [me inc.] and I'm sick and damn tired of it because this is NOT what life is supposed to be about.
Now he's all mad because he realizes that he has no power over me concerning money anymore [he was always dangling carrots in my face and constantly speaking of his will]
I told him all I wanted was "TIME" [to spend w/him]
However it has always been us going to visit him, then he never keeps his word about visiting me,unless of course I were in the hospital [when I had surgery]
He's mad at me because of this he says he's not giving out Christmas gifts this year. FINE WITH ME!
HOWEVER he'sTAKING IT OUT ON MY SISTERS TOO!
not good!
2007-12-03 19:47:39 · 15 answers · asked by Shuggah Pie Sweets 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Your Dad is an insecure and scared man who has had no role model in his childhood to show him how to give love and affection exept by giving gifts and money. He thinks that people will love him by the things he gives (notice that he says that he won't give presents this year, so is like a kid saying to their Mum "I don't love you any more") and when you say you want to spend time with him, he doesn't know what that means or how to act in that time as this is an alien concept to him. Remember this about him when you have contact with him. It won't change things at first, but may make you more tolerant of his behavior and more willing to spend time with him. Just keep telling him that you want to spend time with him, maybe even arrange little things to do together. Keep at it. I am quite sure he loves you. It's just that he doesn't know how to show it other than the way he thinks is right.It may not work but at least you will have more insight into why, and perhaps can think more kindly toward him although you must also look after yourself in this.There's a lot of water under the bridge and I guess you are feeling angry with him as well . I wish you luck.
2007-12-03 23:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No - it's not good. I had a mother who was very controlling and extremely manipulative. (I won't bore you with the details) - but everything had to be done her way - or not at all! I never had any choices, and she could be physically cruel too - so one day I was asked to do the dinner dishes (we had live in help). I refused (stressing homework) and was told - do the dishes or leave this house! I packed a bag and left. Had a scholarship to Univ. and lived with an aunt until I graduated. Best decision I ever made. Life's too damn short! Some women just should not have children.
2007-12-04 16:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No but I know of a person who has a mother who is very manipulative and self centered. Yet she continues to try to please her yet complaining all the time about it. I think she likes the drama. I can't figure out why else she would want this hateful woman in her life or why she would take a chance on her also causing pain to the grandchild involved. This is a great mystery to me. I would have put this person out of my life long ago. This is an adopted daughter also. She was adopted at the age of 10.
2007-12-04 09:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my mom....she appeared narcissistic with tendencies toward being extremely mean with a horrible demeaning temper...this continued my entire life, up until I calmly told her I did not deserve that and would not tolerate it and when she felt she could speak with me with respect, I'd be there, but not to contact me otherwise. She called back six months later and did something she had never done before with ANY one...she said "I'm Sorry"...She didn't change overnight...just curbed what she said to me...but she later transferred her nastiness to my daughter, who I helped contend with it....
As time went on I realized there were internal demons that were causing her behavior and extreme unhappiness, yet I knew not what they were. I prayed for God to release her....
Well, he did. Not maybe in the way I would have preferred [she now has Alzheimers] but she turned into a sweet, giving and always happy woman who loves everybody and for the last 5 years I have known the kind of mother I always wanted...a blessing in disguise.
2007-12-04 04:47:20 · answer #4 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dropped my only sibling..an older brother..23 years ago this Christmas.He sexually abused me as I was growing up. Yes, I forgave him for that, because he was young also.But, when my Dad died after an extended stay in the hospital, my brother went to my Father's house the same night and cleaned everything out.He lived 60 miles from my Dad and me.It has been one of the best things I have done in my life. Now, I don't wonder what is going to happen next.I don't have any children, so I am alone, but it is still better than dealing with all the crap.
2007-12-04 00:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I kept my manipulative, abusive parent in my life. He was always very, very difficult to be with but I always loved him (and told him so). He loved me and his other children but he was just plain mean. He committed suicide a few years ago. I'm glad that I made the effort to continue our relationship. I was very angry with him for killing himself but I know that I tried my best to be a good daughter. I didn't have to worry about an inheritance because he was not wealthy.
You have to live with yourself after you make this decision. Keep that in mind because one day your father will be dead and gone.
Added note- I'd pay special attention to Morgan O's answer. Looking back on it now I can see that my father was pushing everyone away too.
2007-12-04 03:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by Miz D 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should say to your Dad that you are sorry that he has such a low opinion of himself, to think that the reason you come around is because he has some money. Tell him to keep it and to come over when he would like to spend some time with you. It might wake him up, but don't count on it. Don't worry about Christmas, maybe your sisters need to wake up, but maybe the money is important to them, how sad.
2007-12-03 22:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
http://www.webheights.net/GrowingbeyondEmotionalAbuse/sforward/sftp.htm
This is about toxic parents.
This information will help your mental state and
may give you a new perspective while making a decision.
I think you may be co-dependant. To help open your eyes find an Al-Anon meeting in your area. This helped me.
God bless you with a new perspective on your Dad.
Juju
Blessings- Juju
2007-12-03 23:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by Ju ju 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Plan your life without taking him into account. If he comes in he comes in but that would be his choice. If he comes in and starts abusing this concession (and it is a concession) you are allowing ask him to leave.
You sisters problems are theirs not yours. If they want advice or a shoulder to cry on give it but other than that they must sort their own lives out.
2007-12-04 01:47:25 · answer #9 · answered by Maid Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you're my long lost sister... my dad aint too pleasant either, but i learned to love him, besides, he is my father, and he gave me life... plus he'll give me death if i dont listen to him LOL little father humor... but yeah, you're probably young considering your story... so i'd just hang on and wait a while, you'll change and so will he, this doesn't sound like great advice at the moment but believe me, give it time and you'll see how it will do you some good :)
2007-12-03 19:58:01 · answer #10 · answered by I Dream of Best Answer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋