I have am interesting mental predicament. I am not suicidal, all though my mind likes to test me. My irrational mind, often brings up the topic of suicide. I am not one to even go in the direction of something so drastic. I am not even that sad, I just deal with a little anxiety. It feels as if my brain is constantly testing me, by bringing up the idea of suicide, I get confused, for I ask myself “does that mean I am suicidal” and then I start to freak out, and I get a headache, and then I start feeling anxiety. The thought of suicide makes me very un-easy, and the fact that I am writing this, and spending m Saturday night asking this, makes me feel like I’m nuts. But sometimes, my brain cant help but to go to a dark place.I don’t want to hurt myself, I WOULD not do that. I am scared by these thoughts, and would rather not have them. They come up as a test, and how I deal with it. I cant help but indulge because its such a serious topic!
Any input, or anything to help me understand the irrational part of my mind. My thoughts contradict my soul and my heart. My soul and heart would never do such a thing, I love life to much. But my brain wants to come in and bother that, and test me.
Oy, headache!
2007-06-08
18:09:29
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12 answers
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asked by
forme2now
1