i need something to hold onto?

Question

(emotionally) there is nothing, noone to hold onto. everyone has proved to be a backstabber/doesnt care. I need someone I can be comfortable with pouring my heart out, and know that they are an endless source of love and care for me.

what can i do? i dont want to be this close to breaking down.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel.......but you have to be careful in this kind of thinking. In one sense, everyone needs friends---people we are comfortable with, who we feel accepted and loved by, and who we can lean on when times are rough. But there's a difference between a "friend" and a person we set up in our lives to use as a crutch. If you need another person in your life who is almost like an IV pole, that you hook yourself up to and get an infusion of love, caring, support, and all of the things you are missing in your life, that's more than friendship.....that's using someone to try to make yourself complete, which isn't healthy.

When we get into this mindset, this is when we're the most vulnerable to being hurt or "backstabbed," because we're willing to open ourselves to the first person who shows the most minor amount of kindness, and sometimes we don't use good judgement. There are plenty of people out there who know how to turn on the charm to get what they want from someone who is needy, and then leave them hanging without giving them anything THEY need. This just starts the cycle over again for the person left behind, because they have yet ANOTHER example of someone who didn't care, didn't love them, etc., to add to the list of failures and disappointments in their life, and they feel ever more justified in saying "Now I REALLY need someone even more than I did before"...and the cycle just continues.

The key, as I see it, is to find ways to meet those emotional needs in ourselves. Friends are important, yes, and support from all quarters of life. But if we're going to make good decisions about who to include in our lives, we need to start from a position of strength, not weakness. This means being able to see YOURSELF as someone worthy of being loved and treated well. When you can view yourself this way, then you'll start projecting that confidence, and you'll attract the right kind of people to you. It all starts with US.......we have to be able to say "I'll be OK even if I'm alone the rest of my life." Then we can go out into the world happy and free, rather than as an "easy mark" for people looking for someone to meet THEIR needs and then leave behind like an old rag.

It's not easy but it's the only way. The only people in life who can ever be endless sources of unconditional love and care are our parents, and many of us didn't have parents who were able to do that, so we spend the rest of our lives looking for it from someone else, and it doesn't work.

The thing to do is look at yourself in the mirror and know that you are satisfied with YOU, and then go out and look for ways that you can be a friend to someone else. Smile and show that you're a strong happy person, and good healthy and loving people will start to appear in your life, seemingly out of nowhere, and you won't even remember the days when you were relying on unhealthy abusive people to give you a sense of self.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

Ok, 1st, stop, relax, and take a deep breath. Life is difficult and people constantly dissapoint. However, there are so many great things about life as well. Here is my suggestion... Even if you are not religous, go to church, It does not matter what denomination. There is a bunch of reasons why. 1st, and foremost, get close with Jesus, he is someone that will never let you down and always has your back. Jesus is the true meaning of endless love. 2nd, reason, is the people at church, there are a lot of groups and events you can get involved in. And the people you meet become life long friends. 10 years ago, I was addicted to drugs, women, and gambling. Today I am a Catholic Minister! Drug and addiction free. the same or more can happen for you. There is an endless love waiting for you. No matter what happens, you have 2 friends for life. Jesus and me, I will pray for you to find solice and happiness. Jesus loves you. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Feeling let down? Well join the club. We are not a select few. Our ranks are open to all who suffer from that most crippling of all maladies: Our predisposition to feeling Our own humanity.
Somewhere on the path between cynicism and apathy there is a little enchanted glade called "Hope". On one side there are the vertiginous heights of untrammeled sangfroid, on the other the abysmal depths of despair. Find this sanctuary; before it is invaded by accidia and ennui. Plant Your unflagging trust in the good nature of Our ilk there. Nurture that seed and let it blossom into a full grown and flourishing ideal. Then, by means of the written word, use it to shake off the shackles of emotional lethargy that now bind You. Set Your imagination free, and let it wander where it may.

Answer 4

You say everyone is a back stabber /they don't care does this include your family as well or just friend related ..first what might help you feel better about your self is writing things down when you feel this way so that it is down on paper ..If you can talk to someone in your family or a relative will help ..Look in to a Dr. in this field find one that suits you and talk to them because this is what they are there for ..this is what they went to school for and they maybe able to help you and guide you ..The main thing is don't give up on your self stay strong ..Get yourself a crystal pendant /necklace to wear one that is clear that will filter out all that bad and only let good in ..place clear crystals in your windows to block all the bad out ..Sleep with soft instrumental music like Celtic music or music by Richard Searles you can only find him at the Renaissance Faire or Scottish Festival.. This will help you feel better ..If you feel you can't find someone to hold on to look in the mirror and you will see that there is one person very close to your heart that you have over looked and that person is you and your inner self this is all that you need you shouldnt care about anyone else but your self ...Stop confiding in others if what you have trusted them with has gotten out /or like you stated they give you the impression they don't care then they should be scratched as friends ..Maybe the things I have said here will help put you on the right tract ..you will one day find a person that you can trust to pour your heart out to that will care for not whats on the outside but whats on the inside as well ..you seem to be a person who cares about others and has forgotten or lost your way to the one who matters the most to..That is YOU...PLEASE SEE A DR..if this dosen't help you ...please get better ..feel better about yourself ..There are those who do care about you out here..Take Care of yourself

Answer 5

You need the Great Healer. The friend that sticks closer than a brother. The lover of your soul. The Great I am. The one who controls the winds and the waves. He can control the winds and waves in your heart too. You just have to let Him.

He will not judge you, even though He has the right. His love for you is unconditional and endless. And forgive your past? Honey, He already forgot it.

I have been where you are. I called out to Him...and He saved me.

www.notreligion.org

Answer 6

Its not just you, most people are like that now. Everyone is worried about self. You just have to trust in yourself and keep looking for people that are true, you will find them one day. It may just take a while longer, you have to be a little more patient. Give people chances, but don't let them in close enough to hurt you until they have proven themselves. How are you with your family? I know sometimes it seems like they dont care, but they really do. Give 'em a chance, just sit 'em down and tell them you need to talk to them, they will listen. If you need someone else to talk to you can email me, I'm a good listener and I think I know what you are going thru, I've been there before.

Answer 7

Outside of your god ( or higher power ) you will never find that person, unless you pay them ( psychiatrist ). If you need this, maybe the ones you feel let you down need some understanding from you. Make a mental observation, Do you expect this from everyone ? I'm sure you can think of a number of others who never gossip. These are the ones who will not stab you in the back. These same ones are often the ones who will become part of you in the near future.

Answer 8

Parents? Siblings? Other relatives?
If it helps, you can try talking to a stuffed animal of sorts or a source of comfort for when you were younger? You can also keep a private journal to pour out your thoughts and feelings. It can just be any kind of book, not necessarily an actual journal you can buy. I find that using regular notebooks for school helps.
Hope it helped even a teeny tiny bit.

Answer 9

Find someone who does love for you and care for you and hold on to the future to the hope of happiness,love and whatever it may bring you really don't know what could change have faith that it will get better make some changes in your life and be around caring people who will Not back stab you and will be there for you

Be safe

Answer 10

Many of us, including me, have only the hope for the future to hold onto. Stop obsessing on the past and even the present and look toward what might be. Work and plan to that end.