what if in the end it doesnt even matter? what if all we work for just disintegrates right before our very eyes? what if you fall to lose it all?
lately i have been thinking about suicide. everything is falling apart for me. i have really bad anger problems, im going to counseling, depression... nightmares. horrible nightmares. i have been very close to dying a couple times, bad grades.... what else is there to live for? one minute i can be extremely happy and funny and whatnot, and then the next i can be like a ******* serial killer. my family doesnt trust me anymore, and all i do is disappoint my girlfriend. i cant help the things i do. sometimes i dont even remember fights when they send me over the edge. its like something takes a part of me.... people who know me well seriously think i am bipolar. the few friends i have, my family, my girlfriend... everyone. all this is making me a mental case. in my head i dont deserve to live because of all the things i have done and said. and the depression is getting worse. i cant handle all this pressure.
as i think about my past, i start to have thoughts about revenge for everything everyone put me through as a kid. i cant talk about what they did to me, but it was horrible. trust me. my last girlfriend i was going out with i went out with for like 6 months and another 6 months off and on. one night, she decides to lead me outside, and get guys to jump me. i ended up stabbing one of them. from that night on, i have had nightmares everynight. ask yourself how it would feel for someone who said "i love you" at one time to seduct you and try to kill you. you couldnt understand unless it happened to you. and try to understand the pain of depression... you have no idea. i thought i knew when i wasnt depressed what depression would feel like, i was wrong. its impossible for you to even fathom what i feel every single night unless you personally feel it once again... the pain is always going to be here. i need a remedy...
2007-01-12
15:46:20
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13 answers
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asked by
psymon
2