please somebody help me....?

Question

what if in the end it doesnt even matter? what if all we work for just disintegrates right before our very eyes? what if you fall to lose it all?

lately i have been thinking about suicide. everything is falling apart for me. i have really bad anger problems, im going to counseling, depression... nightmares. horrible nightmares. i have been very close to dying a couple times, bad grades.... what else is there to live for? one minute i can be extremely happy and funny and whatnot, and then the next i can be like a ******* serial killer. my family doesnt trust me anymore, and all i do is disappoint my girlfriend. i cant help the things i do. sometimes i dont even remember fights when they send me over the edge. its like something takes a part of me.... people who know me well seriously think i am bipolar. the few friends i have, my family, my girlfriend... everyone. all this is making me a mental case. in my head i dont deserve to live because of all the things i have done and said. and the depression is getting worse. i cant handle all this pressure.

as i think about my past, i start to have thoughts about revenge for everything everyone put me through as a kid. i cant talk about what they did to me, but it was horrible. trust me. my last girlfriend i was going out with i went out with for like 6 months and another 6 months off and on. one night, she decides to lead me outside, and get guys to jump me. i ended up stabbing one of them. from that night on, i have had nightmares everynight. ask yourself how it would feel for someone who said "i love you" at one time to seduct you and try to kill you. you couldnt understand unless it happened to you. and try to understand the pain of depression... you have no idea. i thought i knew when i wasnt depressed what depression would feel like, i was wrong. its impossible for you to even fathom what i feel every single night unless you personally feel it once again... the pain is always going to be here. i need a remedy...

Answer 1

You are in a lot of pain. You have good reason to be. It seems that you feel like you are a disappointment, but I promise that if you were to commit to suicide that people would be very sad. Even if you don't believe it, I promise you. I have felt suicidal before, and a website was helpful. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Pain does not need to always be with you. There is always a way out. I can not say that it will be easy, it may be the hardest thing of your life. If you can try to think far enough ahead, imagine first of all overcoming this, and what an amazing accomplishment that would be! Also, imagine that by killing yourself your not just killing you, but generations of people. You eliminate any children you might have, and all of their children and grandchildren. Its hard to imagine, but that could be hundreds of heroic people. I am glad that you are reaching out. You are alive now and that is good. Just take it step by step. It sounds like maybe your counselor is not helping you a whole lot? You should talk to them about how you feel. If they are not helping you, search for someone else. Friends are always good to talk to, and you will always be able to find someone to relate to. You are never alone. Good luck :]

Answer 2

I can feel your pain and it just breaks my heart. I do understand. I have had depression for over 20 yrs. now.
I just lost my 21 yr. old son to suicide on 7/6/05. He too was depressed. Are you on meds? I am bipolar also. It can be a difficult disorder to treat, but it can be done. Yopu need to be on medication. I'm glad to hear you're in counseling but you need meds also.
You are not crazy, please understand that. I'm so sorry you're childhood was so horrible. I know that pain also. Talking about the pain is so important. Eventually you will be older and it won't be so painful..I promise you.
I promise you that pain can be better. You don't have to live like this. When my son suicided, he left his brother who was his best friend behind. Garrett still believes he could had done something to keep him from doing it. That if had just loved him more. None of that is true. Garrett would have given his life for him. After he died, he kept saying he should be the one who died. Garrett is married and has 2 young babies. We had to worry that he would kill himself. I had to worry about losing my last child and that my grandbabies would lose their daddy.
I understand the feeling of wanting to kill myself, I have tryed several times in many years past. I am glad I ended up in the hospital instead. I have tryed to stay stable so that I don't ever have to feel that way again!
This can get better..please just take each day at a time. Call your areas crisis line. There may evan be support groups in your area. Maybe some for teens. There are many chats and forums for people with depression on line. Try healingwell.com.
Talk to your counselor!!! Talk to any adult you trust. you need meds. If you're on meds then you need the dose to be raised or a med change. Please hang on.

Answer 3

I understand your pain.
Sometimes everyone feels like life just isn't worth it some time or other...
Deppression can be the worst of all feelings.
But I believe that your strong enough to overcome, don't give in. When you look at life, REAL life you'll see the beauty.
The reality of it all:
not having the best grades or the perfect family relationship, not getting into the best college or looking the best.
Look at the sky more often, the sunshine and the silent rain. Take long walks and hear the world for what it is,
LIfe is a chance that we all take. Like falling in love.
Living is the most beautiful gift that can be given to anyone, believe me. I've been through alot too,
Dumb #@$ psychologist who don't know jack, my friends turning my back on me when I needed them the most, my boyfriend dumped me when I was deathly sick and decided I wasn't worth it after 5 years.
I cried till my eyes were bruised black and blue, I wore black and hid myself in my room for many-many months. I lost so much weight and got sicker and sicker.
But one day out of the blue, I decided that I woudn't go out that way.
I was born for a reason, still unknown to me. But I decided I want to find out what it is. And death is no solution my friend, because if you believe in a higher power like myself you know that Heaven is better than hell, and suicide will definitly get you there.
I'm not perfect, my relationships are still difficult, my grades still suck and black is my favorite color.
But now I know that when people fail you, you have to remain strong and not fail yourself. Your the only one that can bring greatness into your life.
If you commit suicide the world will miss out on what you could have been, the world will loose an innocent beautifull life tainted by bitterness and sadness.
Instead of thinking about ways to end your life, think about ways to better it. Be great and become powerfull. Have determination.
I know you'll make it
Don't give up on your self
There's someone out there who hasn't given up on you...me

Answer 4

I understand your not wanting to talk about the memories that haunt you. I promise you, your not alone. The problems you are having now, the bipolar, the rage, the depression are probably the result of your subconscious trying to make sense of those memories.

It's normal to want revenge, it's normal to want the world to take a flying leap off a cliff, and its normal to want to kill yourself to stop the memories, the insanity, and the ******* hell your life has turned into.

I don't know if the world has meaning, but I know I made my own meaning. I don't know there are any answers, but I will never stop asking questions.

You need help, but there is no remedy, no pill, no quick answer. The help you need can be found by talk with other people who have been there. I know you may not have been through the same hell that I have, but regardless of what hell you've survived, there are others. I'm going to put some links at the bottom of this that may help you find others, and you can contact me at [e-mail], and we can talk, and if I'm not the right person for you to talk to then I'll help you find who is.

When the nights were worst, I got through by holding onto one thought. Eventually you will need to let go of anger and revenge, but for now, be angry, stay angry, it will help you survive.

If I had killed myself, they would have truly beaten me. And I vowed to walk through hell itself before I let them win.

Hold on, there is help. And I promise, you are not alone.

www.siawso.org
www.traumasurvivorssupport.com

Answer 5

well i dont think death is all that great of a remedy. i mean, yes. it would all be over. but think about it. it would ALL be over. regardless of if your family 'doesnt trust you' your death would hit them hard. same with your gf. hey, maybe you are bipolar. but they have medicine for that! as for anger problems.. do you drink at all? if you do, why not stay away from alcohol? im sure it will help you out if you always had as clear of a head as possible. or maybe you really do just have an anger problem. take up a hobby that will help you release all your anger. like boxing :) then it will be acceptable to knock the **** out of some one. as for being screwed over in life, im sorry. that must kill. but try to forget. (yeah, easy to say, not to do) but really. can you move away from them all? get a fresh start? what ever you do, dont take the easy way out!

Answer 6

Your life right now may not be as nice as you would like it, but you and only you can change it. If your depressed get help. Try talking to your girlfriend about your situation maybe she will enlighten your spirits. This may or may not help you. You are a very important part in God's plan try praying for help. Please don't do such an act becuase you would be missed by both your family and girlfriend. People who are standoffish do not understand, and I certainly do not understand, but your feelings are your own and only you can control these emotions. No one says you can't be mad but try and learn to relax and go somewhere quite and meditate. Calm yourself down. Only you can do this. Take CARE of yourself.

Answer 7

HAY don't feel alone,, I have been throw the same thing , I know about the pain your going throw. I'm still going throw it,,, When I was 7 or 8, I remember what the other kids in school do to me, Many of times I wanted to pay them a visit,,, It has taken 30 years for me to get it out of my mind, If it wasn't for my wife of 30 years,, I would be gone myself, I'm 50 years old, But their hope,, I know you have herd this be four, but Jesus help me all these years I'm going to a Dr. to get some meds to help me
Just don't give up Good Luck

Answer 8

You clearly need a shoulder to cry on as soon as possible, but if I were you I would get a professional psychiatrist. Amateurs like myself and the first answerer may mean well but we aren't really trained for this.

Just don't kill yourself. People who feel hopeless can and do come back from the brink and find meaning and contentment. I should know...good luck.

Answer 9

Your REMEDY my son is JESUS CHRIST!! He is the only one whom can help. It does sound like you have bipolar or split personalities from everything you have been thru I would seek psy. help from a Dr. i know about the depression and it can be over whelming and just make you want to flip out when that happens pray to God seek help thru him he's a good listener and is always there no matter what ask him into your heart and if you already have him then keep praying GOD will help you!!! I hope this helps and sorry to hear what all you have been going thru but it can only get better in time and with JESUS CHRIST in your life. I just ask you father to place your hands on him father and take all the pain away father God and touch him with your love father God let him know he is truly loved and wanted and you GOD are always there and never far father God. In your wonderful loving name Father God AMEN

Answer 10

You may want to read this article http://nitzitry.notlong.com/ i found, will be useful also has info on different treatments and should help with your depression. And some natural remedies which will help cheer people up.