Religion & Spirituality - 9 September 2006

A little Christian humor for a change

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They mouse.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

"JESUS SAVES."

2006-09-09 14:17:26 · 22 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

am i the only Jew on Yahoo! answers to make it obvious? I mean why arent you all proud of your relligion?

2006-09-09 14:17:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Christians, where then is heaven? Man has landed on the moon 250 thousand miles away and has explored the solar system, with millions of kilometers covered, yet Heaven remains elusive. Who is fooling who?.

2006-09-09 14:13:54 · 33 answers · asked by deleagbeyo 1

Does anyone know if the last name applebaum is a jewish name?

2006-09-09 14:11:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

or Chinese?

2006-09-09 14:08:59 · 41 answers · asked by Ammy 6

Would I have to give up flirting with trashy women,getting a buzz,eating BBQ pork,I can't get on my knees to pray I have arthritis.I love god, he knows that already .Why is being a christian not good enough?

2006-09-09 14:08:07 · 31 answers · asked by getnabargain 2

If someone you loved was dead would it comfort you to know that he could see and hear you?

2006-09-09 14:03:47 · 60 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-09 14:01:32 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am visiting a mosque, they are followers of The Honorable Elijah Muhammad. Anyway...I am visting for the first time and I don't want to offend anyone. I am traditionally Baptist by birth, and when I go to a Baptist church, I wear slacks or jeans, depends on how I feel that morning. I am really not a dress person. So, with all of that said, what type of attire do I wear while visiting an Islamic Mosque? I really don't want to offend anyone by wearing something disagreeable.

2006-09-09 13:59:59 · 6 answers · asked by pussy_kat_365 2

2006-09-09 13:52:18 · 19 answers · asked by shamanuchia 2

THESE ARE SERIOUS QUESTIONS NOT JOKES!!!
Question #1:

Is there such a thing as dragon magick? If yes, is it good or bad? I tried looking it up online and got the usual illusionist crap, None of my books mention dragons, and the library is too far away. So here I am. Please answer seriously. Websites please!

Question #2:

Is it possible for my spirit/ animal guide to be a dragon? I have always had a fascination with them and dream about dragons alot.
If it is my guide is it a good or a bad thing? This is a serious question for serious people. Please post websites.

You could answer one question or the other but I would prefer if you answered both. PLEASE ANSWER SERIOUSLY! I AM NOT ON DRUGS! Sorry, if I don't post things like that people always make fun of you.

2006-09-09 13:51:38 · 12 answers · asked by Seeker 3

Personally, I've seen more evidence for Bigfoot than I have for angels. Any neat websites I can see?

2006-09-09 13:51:12 · 28 answers · asked by Tofu Jesus 5

angel of death true or not

2006-09-09 13:50:32 · 13 answers · asked by outlander 1

...then why not come to church and find out for yourself? There are friendly Christian congregations almost everywhere!

Church is about worshipping God, not judging others. No one is perfect, but by God's awesome grace and Jesus' resurrection, anyone can be forgiven and healed.

A church fellowship is also about building strong communities, connecting with neighbors, and making new friends. In addition to the usual Sunday-morning worship, most churches offer extra worship services, Bible-study groups, community service, volunteer opportunities, outreach programs and other activities throughout the week.

Won't you join us this Sunday?

2006-09-09 13:49:42 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why do you think religion has survived for such a long time?

2006-09-09 13:49:02 · 21 answers · asked by young one 3

How serious is this?

An Archeological Atrocity

Jerusalem Post Editorial

Jerusalem is one of the most
archeologically rich cities in the world. Within Jerusalem,
perhaps the most mysterious area from an archeological
point of view is the Temple Mount. This month, the Wakf
(Moslem trust) dug a hole 30 meters square and 12 meters
deep into the Temple Mount and dumped tons of the
excavated material by the truckload into the Kidron Valley.

According to the Antiquities Authority, the Wakf committed
an "archeological crime" by using bulldozers to cut into a
place that archeologists might have probed with
toothbrushes. Although much of the damage has been done
and cannot be reversed, this damage will be significantly
exacerbated if Israel does not properly protect and
excavate the tons of fill that now sit alongside a garbage
dump.

2006-09-09 13:48:11 · 25 answers · asked by prometheus_unbound 3

For people not to have sex? Sort of like a metaphor? That being a virgin is sacred and sex is wrong?

2006-09-09 13:48:10 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

I'm just wondering, why do most people believe in God? I've provided some answers, but if you know of another, then please state it.
(a)It serves as some kind of comfort to them that a higher being is out there
(b)They are scared into believing in God for fear of the repercussions
(c)They truly and honestly believe in the good lessons and values Chritianity has
(d)They can't see things in a different light or on a bigger scale
(e)Ignorance or lack of knowledge about how our world functions
(f)other, please specify

2006-09-09 13:45:20 · 19 answers · asked by young one 3

2006-09-09 13:45:06 · 15 answers · asked by jvg49er 6

2006-09-09 13:41:44 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

would sign a form stating that if they break the law in this country would suffer a muslim punishment? e.g. hands chopped off for theft, death for blasthemy etc.
not many i think, they have got lots to say but still choose to live in our wonderful country. if we are so bad, WHY???

2006-09-09 13:40:59 · 17 answers · asked by DAVID H 4

Do many sikh women actually follow the ritual of not shaving/cutting/waxing any body hair? Or is it just a few?

I'm not trying to be disrespectful or to make fun of the religion. I like sikhism and I'm just wondering since it would be hard for women nowadays to actually follow this?

2006-09-09 13:38:33 · 7 answers · asked by Doodles 1

2006-09-09 13:38:03 · 13 answers · asked by bonjing2003 1

I am slowly developing a closer relationship with Christ, and I am curious on your insight of the subject. I was going through some hard times with my alcholism about 2 weeks ago. When I hit rock bottom, I prayed to God. I had a very serious heart to heart. Not just "another" prayer. I prayed that He would take away the craving of alcohol that I have had for 5 years. Tears streamed down my face after the prayer. I felt "lifted" up. I felt like I could stand on my own 2 feet again without the help of a bottle. My demenor made a complete turn around. For the 1st time in ages I was at peace and it was the strangest thing for me to find that. I have always been a very analytical and logical person but that night, something happend to me that I cannot explain.

2006-09-09 13:34:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

according to Dan 8:14 the 2300 days(years) ended in 1844,since the starting date for this prophecy is 457 bc according to Ezra 7. so if the sanctuary is to be cleansed (day of atonement)at the end of the 2300 days that means Jesus has moved into the Most Holy Place of the Heavenly Sanctuary. Where he is now investigating the characters of his professed people,to see who is acceptable to be received into His Kingdom. Please read Lev 4 and Lev 16 to understand the sanctuary types.

2006-09-09 13:31:02 · 10 answers · asked by norm s 5

I'd be happy to answer to the greatest of my ability, but I can only do so if you allow messages to be sent to you.
Peace and love be with ye.

2006-09-09 13:30:15 · 29 answers · asked by Tofu Jesus 5

I was just sitting on my couch watching Barefoot Contessa. I was picking my nose in glee when I heard a sharp clang in the basement. I looked at my watch to see what time it was. My nostril was getting obstructed and sore from the constant friction. So I started to take gentle bites from my Big Mac. I rushed downstairs to see what the disturbing clang was. I was rushing so malevolently that I didn't see my gramps in deep slumber on the stairs... or so I thought. I kicked his left fleshy protuberance with protruding force as his rigormortis corpse hurled down the stairwell with off-the-charts G force. I then charged to the bathroom to find some bengay for my leg that cramped up a few days ago. I didn't find any.. but I did find my ol' Aunt Gertrude with her face stuck in the ventilator. She was gasping for oxygen. How should I help my Aunt? And what should I do about Grandpa Ernest? It's been 2 hours, and maggots are eating his eyesockets. It's pretty exiting. What exactly should I do?

2006-09-09 13:29:44 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have just always wondered about the three names comparison since I took Psychology.

2006-09-09 13:29:26 · 11 answers · asked by Faerieeeiren 4

What evidence for Bible inspiration emerges when we compare Old Testament prophecies of the coming Messiah with New Testament happenings in the life of Jesus?

The Bible says, "And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, He [Jesus] expounded unto them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself." Luke 24:27. "For he [Apollos] vigorously refuted the Jews publicly, showing from the Scriptures that Jesus is the Christ." Acts 18:28, NKJV.*

Answer: The Old Testament predictions of the Messiah to come were so specific and so clearly fulfilled by Jesus of Nazareth that both Jesus and Apollos used these prophecies to prove to the Jews that Jesus was, indeed, the Messiah. There are more than 125 of these prophecies. Let's review just 12 of them:

Prophecy Old Testament Scripture New Testament Fulfillment
1. Born in Bethlehem Micah 5:2 Matthew 2:1
2. Born of a virgin Isaiah 7:14 Matthew 1:18-23
3. Of David's lineage Jeremiah 23:5 Revelation 22:16
4. Attempted murder by Herod Jeremiah 31:15 Matthew 2:16-18
5. Betrayal by a friend Psalms 41:9 John 13:18, 19, 26
6. Sold for 30 silver coins Zechariah 11:12 Matthew 26:14-16
7. Crucified Zechariah 12:10 John 19:16-18, 37
8. Lots cast for His clothes Psalms 22:18 Matthew 27:35
9. No bones broken Psalms 34:20; Exodus 12:46 John 19:31-36
10. Buried in rich man's tomb Isaiah 53:9 Matthew 27:57-60
11. Year, day, hour of His death Daniel 9:26, 27; Exodus 12:6 Matthew 27:45-50
12. Raised the third day Hosea 6:2 Acts 10:38-40



Jesus fullfilled more than 125 Old Testament prophecies concerning the Messiah.

Dr. Peter Stoner, former chairman of the departments of mathematics, astronomy, and engineering at Pasadena College (California), worked with 600 students for several years applying the "principle of probability" to the prophecies of the Messiah's coming. They chose just eight from the many available and finally decided the chances of all eight being fulfilled in one man in a lifetime is one in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. What would the odds be on the more than 125 prophecies of the Messiah? It couldn't just happen!

2006-09-09 13:29:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

While all religions have traditionally given women second class status, what is it about islam that allows its men to force their women to wear bhurkas, stone them to death for infidelity (something their men need never fear) and perform clitoral circumcisions so that they will not enjoy sex?

VanGoghs gran nephew was working on a film detailing these and other atrocities commited by islam against women before he was stabbed 12 times and had his throat slit by muslims on the streets of Amsterdam.

2006-09-09 13:29:09 · 10 answers · asked by caesar x 3