HELP. I need to know something extremely important.?

Question

I was just sitting on my couch watching Barefoot Contessa. I was picking my nose in glee when I heard a sharp clang in the basement. I looked at my watch to see what time it was. My nostril was getting obstructed and sore from the constant friction. So I started to take gentle bites from my Big Mac. I rushed downstairs to see what the disturbing clang was. I was rushing so malevolently that I didn't see my gramps in deep slumber on the stairs... or so I thought. I kicked his left fleshy protuberance with protruding force as his rigormortis corpse hurled down the stairwell with off-the-charts G force. I then charged to the bathroom to find some bengay for my leg that cramped up a few days ago. I didn't find any.. but I did find my ol' Aunt Gertrude with her face stuck in the ventilator. She was gasping for oxygen. How should I help my Aunt? And what should I do about Grandpa Ernest? It's been 2 hours, and maggots are eating his eyesockets. It's pretty exiting. What exactly should I do?

Answer 1

Interesting confabulation ... though chronologically cattywhompers.
I like it.

Answer 2

I'll only tell you this once. Your story is not a good one. Don't think about trying to publish the book with these contents in it. Maggots don't start in that soon. The maggots would eat the eyeball before the eyesockets. So you don't have a good story. If you find this exciting, then I wonder if you could write this book(story) if you were confined somewhere. I will tell you what to do. First take a taxi over to your local hospital. Tell them that your there for a long rest. Ask them to commit you to the area where only the delusional people stay. With hopes the Trauma Center can get help for you Quickly. Don't delay, do it now.

Answer 3

You should consider writing for Tales From the Crypt........
Till they call, though, maybe you ought to get Grampa's corpse out of the house. Bad housekeeping, you know, to leave a rotting corpse in the house. Bury it outdoors, preferably in a nice sunny spot where you might be planning to put in some pretty flowers. He'll make good fertilizer.
As for the Aunt, she seems to have everything under control, at least for the present. If she starts turning blue, though, you might want to prepare a spot near Grampa and consider planting a really BIG flower garden next spring.
Have fun!!

Answer 4

Some people have an overdeveloped or even distorted sense of fun and find it difficult to restrain themselves.
The Bible speaks about practical jokes. It says: “Just like someone mad that is shooting fiery missiles, arrows and death, so is the man that has tricked his fellowman and has said: ‘Was I not having fun?’” (Proverbs 26:18, 19)

Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “As long as we have time favorable for it, let us work what is good toward all, but especially toward those related to us in the faith.” (Galatians 6:10) Do practical jokers follow this counsel? Hardly.

Answer 5

Fantastic.

Answer 6

This is easy, take your monitor. Hold it about 12 inches above your head, then proceed to violently beat yourself until you either pass out or become a normal human again.

Answer 7

those are some fast maggots since it takes longer than that for a flys egg to hatch. just toss them in the nearest dumpster. and go back to whacking off. ooooooooh that was picking your nose

Answer 8

That pepperoni pizza really does give one indigestion doesn't it. Do you have a day job? Get off the couch and do something constructive. And oh, get out of the religion section.

Answer 9

Pick up a new hobby, obviously Yahoo Answers is rotting your brain, lol

Answer 10

Go directly to the hospital and tell the doctors there you are having a psychotic episode and need help right away.