I was abused as a child, but I can't seem to convince myself that it was real. I tell myself it wasn't even a big deal...that people in the past went through worst, so it is justified. And I turned out fine, so what's the big deal. But sometimes I just really hurt inside, and wish I had a home with a mother who loved me. Sometimes I have memories of the things she did to me, and it hurts so much, because I bet she was stressed. She was a single mother. She was a waiter. She raised my sister and I on her own. I just can't seem to admit that it wasn't my fault, and it's tearing me apart. She's normal now. She eventually went to college and got a better job. Less fiancial strain, I guess. I want to forgive her, because she is okay now. But it is so hard. What do I do?
Some hings she did:
--beat me with fists, broom, anything in reach
--bloody noses
--pull my hair
--bang my head against the wall
--when I was little, I would scratch myself after beatings. I don't know why. when my mom found out, she called me crazy and "helped" me by scratching my neck and back
--tape my mouth shut with tape
Please help. I love her, but I want to *like* her. Counseling is not an option, so don't suggest that.
Thanks.
2007-02-11
17:54:07
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9 answers
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asked by
bones_to_heaven
2