I sat there on the cold ground with the salt burning in my eyes as the tears ran down my face and soaked my shirt. Mixing with the blood from my wrists as I wiped my cheek. I couldn't stop shaking.my muscles twitching uncontrollably. Teeth grinding tight , the front four scraping as my jaws came together. Unable to speak out. The weight inside my chest pushing out violently then pressing shut so tightly that I could almost feel the point of suffocation between breaths. I pressed my face against the the brick wall, soaked with my sweat, and my tears, and my blood. I pushed the metal cylinder to my teeth. The metallic taste firing through the nerve endings as I bit down.My thoughts slowed and fell away like an ember turning to an ash. All the fire cooling. I thought about her again. The tears stopped. And I knew what I had to do.Minutes later, I'm walking down the sidewalk. A crowd is gathered on the opposite side of the street and I am drawn towards them. My legs taking over as if in an involuntary reflex. I cross the street thinking to myself how effortless a task this is. Only seconds earlier, the avenue was filled with the business of cars whizzing by; almost as if the drivers on the near side were all speeding towards what must have been something spectacular and not worth missing, given the hurry they seemed to be in. While the drivers on the far side seemed have already been there and could not get away from that place quickly enough. But as I found myself in the middle of this street, there was no traffic. No cars to dodge, no people walking. Nothing but the still city, the frozen crowd on that far sidewalk, and a soft, dry wind blowing across my still bloody shirt. My foot touches the curb and the city resumes. I step into the crowd. I attempt to speak to a woman. She is beautiful with long, red hair. She is very professionally dressed and groomed. I want to see what color her eyes are, but I cant as she is looking up. I wonder what she is looking at. I turn around to attempt to speak with some one else. A man. There is nothing distinguishing about this man. Average height. Average build and looks. Completely average. Absolutely nothing about him would ever make seem distinguishing to anyone. I think about how funny it would be to watch him in a police lineup. He would be the guilty man and the eye witness would never even recognize him due to the fact that he was so very average looking. And how he would simply walk out of the jail house and fade right back into the crowd never to be found again. I attempt to speak with him but he only stands there looking up as well. As I look around myself I come to realize that everyone in the crowd is looking at some far off thing above them. They are all completely silent as they watch. I look up too. There is a building in front of us. As my eyes pan up I see the front lobby and above that, thirty or forty more stories.Atop all the windows and people wandering aimlessly within them, no doubt fulfilling some mundane and meaningless office task, there is more concrete and glass stretching toward the sky . By the time I can see the top of the building I can only make out the silhouette of the structure meeting the blue sky. There is something else. Breaking the sharp lines of the building against the sky there is a figure. So small, but undeniably a person standing at the edge of the roofline. The silence of the crowds awe becomes broken as some begins to cheer. Then the others follow. "Jump. Jump. Jump....", over and over until their voices fall into perfect unison and they continue. Their cheers are so loud that I cover my ears, but continue to look up. The figure falls and everyone grows silent. I watch. Story after story he silently falls. His arms are outstretched and he falls gracefully in an almost swan dive position. He falls. Second after second he becomes closer and more visible. He is going to land at my feet, but I am frozen. He continues to fall and then..... He pauses, at my eye level. His arms are outstretched. His jacket is caught by the air within it. His head tilts upward and as I see his face and he looks at mine I realize that the man falling is myself.
2006-12-29
05:23:49
·
6 answers
·
asked by
Vespr
2
in
Psychology