How do men remain unemotional?

Question

There are times when its inappropriate to display emotion. How do boys/men learn how to be unemotional?

Answer 1

We have the display of emotion beaten out of us at an early age by other males.

We learn to distance ourselves from our feelings, so that they can be kept under control. That's why a man will often have no opinion when he is asked how he feels about something. He's so detached from his feelings that he literally does not know how he feels. This leaves a man with a monochromatic emotional palette - happy, sad, and angry are pretty much what we have left to work with. Men's emotions are black-and-white, women's are Technicolor.

Hard to say whether this would still be the case without the early conditioning. But females don't have that early training and they are generally pretty aware of how they feel. Men tend not to understand how women can be pushed around by their emotions; women tend not to understand how men can be unaffected by theirs.

Answer 2

The truth is men do not remain unemotional. They may cry less, due to social pressures that boys are not allowed to cry. I also believe that Fathers display less emotion than mothers which also teachers boys not to show thier "emotions". However, men are much more reactive with anger. Look around, you'll see many more men frustrated with their children in the mall than women.
The reality is that I have seen many men cry about things that made them sad. Sometimes when someone needs to be strong they just act unemotional because it helps others. I have seen many mothers do the same thing when it was helpful for the kids.
Basically what I am saying is that men are just as emotional, although sometimes in different ways. It is probably that you are looking for times when they are not emotional and only attending to those times and discounting when they show emotions.

Answer 3

Actually this is a classic nature vs nurture argument. In truth both have a part in this tendency in men. What is meant by this is that society trains men at a young age to not be "cry babies" men are competive and do not want to show weakness by displaying unwanted emotions. Men also by nature while having emotions like women tend to not have the emotional range that women do. Women can often have many more feelings on a single incident or object or person than men typically do. They detach themselves and it is not really completely understood if this is also enviromental or biological.

Answer 4

Well, both genders can learn to be unemotional. (Some women have very tight reins over their emotions.)

But part of the difference is that men approach things differently than women, psychologically. So in some instances where women might naturally cry, men do not... so it seems like they have more control over things.

The brain is wired a bit differently. As an example, while both genders might experience depression, they express it differently. Lately psychologists have been studying whether male depression is under-reported because it might not resemble female depression; there is a hypothesis that males more often get angry and irritable when depressed, rather than weepy or despondent.

“Anger” seems to be an “acceptable” male emotion, whereas many other emotions are not. (Anger is basically an emotion that can be channeled easily into action rather than leaving one vulnerable and open, such as crying would do.)

Basically, a male is not only expected to perform but is also “wired” to do so. Emotions can often interfere with the “performance,” so a man naturally focuses on the task and not his inner emotional state, and society also pushes him in that direction. (Note how common it is for men to “do things” as part of showing they care, whereas women much more easily have the ability to relate to each other directly.)

Basically, if an emotion would impact the success of a task, the man is wired and taught to ignore it while pursuing his goal. A woman is wired and taught to embrace her emotions and use them as a tool to relate to other people.

I think we need to look at both ideas: Not just how men manage to be unemotional, but how women manage to be emotional. Usually if you look at how men and women mature in adulthood, men have to learn how to express their emotions and not be afraid to share them with others (i.e., how to be “open”), while women generally have to learn how to momentarily lay emotional thinking aside when approaching situations that call for cold, decisive action (i.e., how to be “tough”). These are just generalizations, though.

Answer 5

Society is to blame and the was we raise our children. From an early age, boys are told that they are "just fine" when they fall and cry. A masculine stereotype in our society is that men are strong and have no need for emotion. And of course there is always a biological answer. Men's brains and emotional networking are completely different from females.

Answer 6

men don't have the same hormonal inbalance women do so they are generally more stable emotionally. this is simple biology that is being covered up in the name of feminism. estrogen is a euphoric so when your body is pumping it you are happy -- when it stops (like that time of the month) women go wonky.

socially men also learn to go with the flow early on. girls are brought up to think they are somehow more unique (daddy's princess, etc). i have been a manager for 15 yrs and have always been amazed when girls who are math geniuses get giddy over something silly like wedding dress magazines. becasue of course your wedding day is your day and nobody better stand in your way. guys of course are brought up that a wedding is a rite of passage but not exactly a joyful occasion.

its not that guys are unemotional or hide it -- they just aren't as loud about it. expect guys to want to be left alone when they get moody -- not run around yelling at screaming. on the rare occasion when a stable guy blows up you know something is up -- because its not every 15 mins (likes some but not all females) you take it more seriously.

like it or not we have several different worlds we live in. guy world is generally more sedate because men have learned to appreciate things like complacency.

these are of course huge sweeping generalizations. i know gay guys that could take down any girl in the emotional wreck department anyday. learning to appreciate each others differences is a big part of learning what it is to be a little wiser.

Answer 7

Men are socialized at an early age that they should not show emotion. They are called names like sissy or punk for crying in public. It is not something that we are born with, it is a learned behavior. We are "hardwired" to respond to situations differently than women (ie fight, break things out of anger, etc.) but the emotions piece is based on how we are raised and how we are taught to interact with others at a young age. Hope this helps.

STYT

Answer 8

It's usually natural for us no to. After one does not cry for so long, it's nearly impossible for us to again, unless we truly get something painful in our eye, but even then it's only enough to get the debris out. We have our genes working for us in that department. For emotions are only protein peptide amino acid chains that plug into our cells, translated into emotions by our brains processing. Similarly to how adrenaline released makes you excited and alert, etc. It's nearly all chemical. You learn to get passed it through practice and intention. Everything plugs into an equilibrium, like memory neuron-nets and one's sense of balance. After you get used to something, you never forget it. Like riding a bike, or experiencing something painful that scars you for life. The neurons wire together and fire together if you will, to make things that you've done in the past more likely to occur in the future. That's why people tend to do the same things, or the things that they're comfortable doing rather than trying something new.

Answer 9

It is conditioning and they are taught to be the strong ones although that is changing somewhat now we still have a long ways to go. also, all people are different. Not all women will show emotion like others will, so it's our genetic makeup, our raising and society that teaches us how to respond. Who knows what is right we are all different in many ways.

Answer 10

From the time we are born we are conditioned to think certain ways. We are competitive in arenas that require a certain hardness to come about. We are taught not to cry over certain things and certain stimulus is removed to avoid emotional outburst. We are emotional and many times it is internalized. I am more emotional than some guys, and I attribute a lot of that to my grandma and mother raising me.