We've lived together/dated for 2 years. Our lease expires next month and last night I told him it's best we don't live together. Today he asked why, and I told him I don't want to live like a married woman until he gives me a commitment (not even marriage, just engagement would be fine). He doesn't understand that guys do this to "get the milk for free" and says he's not one of them-he obviously is. He said "we can't afford to get married, or a mortgage on a house..I can't afford a ring unless you want it to be $60".. I said "who said anything about getting married right away OR a mortgage on a house??"
That was the summary of the convo and he stormed out of our bedroom and won't talk to me.
2006-12-29 06:05:44 · 9 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
Well, there's definitely two sides to this situation. I think that both you and your boyfriend have valid arguments. It's true that you shouldn't let him just string you along while getting all of his needs met and not yours, yet at the same time, if he has valid reasons for not being able to support you as a wife, maybe you shouldn't try to force it on him. However, you are where you are so here's my advice: Definitely, if you do love him, don't turn this issue into a power play with him regarding who is going to talk to who first. Reach out to him and tell him how you feel; that you've been feeling like you were being taken advantage of by him and the living arrangement and that you want to know what plans he has for the two of you and what his method is to get there. What I mean is, does he plan on marrying you? And, if so, is he saving money for a ring, etc.? The mortgage shouldn't be an issue as you can both continue to rent until the two of you can buy a place together. The bottom line is you should NOT back down from your position at this point but be gentle and tell him how much you care and that you don't want to lose him but that you need something that shows he feels the same and wants to be with you for the long run. Good Luck!
2006-12-29 06:26:37 · answer #1 · answered by FortheFuture 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take a women's study course. If you weren't getting what you wanted out of the relationship and if you wanted a stronger commitment, that's fine and you were right to get yourself out of there. However, I'm really disturbed by this "get the milk for free" stuff. It really sounds like you're viewing your sexuality as a commodity, rather than an intrinsic part of you. You shouldn't sell sex for commitment; it should be something you want to do. Maybe you should also look at your boyfriend's point of view. Men, in general, aren't so shallow that the only possible reason they'd be with a woman is for sex. I think you aren't holding yourself or your man in high enough esteem.
2006-12-29 17:12:17 · answer #2 · answered by random6x7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may want to get engaged, but your manner of bringing the subject up could've used some work. You've been together for 2 years and are living together now. How is he "getting the milk for free"? I, of course, am assuming he's contributing to the household costs from which you both benefit, similar to a married couple. He's obviously made some type of commitment to you by moving in with you so what kind of power-play are you trying to make by now making him "pay" for the "milk" he's been "freely" given in the past? I think he has every right to be upset with the mixed messages you're sending.
2006-12-29 14:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by JW 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your bf has a bit of fear of commitment.
I find it amazing that when someone your living with wants a commitment, folks get real paniced. Its something after a while, should have been discussed/mentioned. From the way I see it, you 2 have had this conversation a few times before, so he does know that you expect him to show some signs of a commitment.
Stick to your guns.
2006-12-29 15:00:30 · answer #4 · answered by chefantwon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think guys are sometimes like little kids, they don't get their way so they do what? Right.... don't talk until they get their way, maybe tell him that you aren't asking for marriage right away you just need to know that he is just as serious about your relationship as you are and you need to feel respected. Trust and respect is important to you and if he doesn't feel the same way then just not talking to you isn't the only thing he needs to do he needs to go on. Tell him you aren't trying to be mean about it its just that you know how you feel and where you stand in this relationship and you need to feel secure and know that he is just as serious about it, if he isn't then the best thing to do is to go your seperate ways and you will find someone who will give you the respect that you deserve and need. I did this and I am happily married and have been for 12 years. If he really loves you then he will come around and if he doesn't then the best thing for you no matter how hard it is, is to just move on. But my guess is he will come around. Good Luck.
2006-12-29 14:31:01 · answer #5 · answered by MaChel_B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like you said, marraige and mortgage is to expensive. nothing wrong with a $60 ring if it meant you could afford to get married, mortgage. he seems like he is thinking about the future on what he can and cannot afford. maybe he is afraid of marrying you and disappointing you/your parents when it comes to cost/buying a home etc. there is also pros and cons to marriage too.
2006-12-29 14:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by havingfun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you should say 'sorry'. you want to move out and stop living together for the wrong reason honey. maybe you're just confused. you think you need a deeper commitment, however dont confuse this with the sense of security you're feeling - maybe you just want to feel secured or to make sure that you both get an equal share of the expenses - make an agreement! plan your finances, stick with it! he will be willing to do this since he walked out, he obviously didnt liked it when you want to just resolve to moving separate ways, he cares for you dears.
2006-12-31 06:22:52 · answer #7 · answered by annam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. He can get away with it. I am sure at some point you would like to start a family. Common sense tells me, that he does not want make a commitment. Life is to short to live that way.
2006-12-29 14:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by palette 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds a little serious but if he has to start pay for the milk it sounds like you need a sugar daddy hun Happy New Year.
2006-12-29 14:18:25 · answer #9 · answered by monte the man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋