I felt no different after previous psychiatrist appointments, so I don't know if I need that kind of help. I feel like I want to hurt myself, and that I wish I wasn't here. I'm kinda still not really believing that I feel down, still, after first noticing how bad I felt about 3 years ago. I don't know if I've actually been happy during that time apart from the very odd occasion. Do people actually feel happy? I was happy getting exam results, after I'd swam with sharks/scuba dived, and also at New Year after a bit of alcohol and I wasn't being ignored for once (I felt I existed). I can't even smile properly, I feel as if I've totally forgotten, like the mask has broken, and I just look like a clown when I do now.
I've spoken online to various people who have been concerned, which I am grateful for, but I still feel lonely.
I no longer have my conscience trying to stop me thinking about suicide, or trying to recorrect the bad thoughts. I have lost motivation.
2007-01-03
12:10:33
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10 answers
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asked by
joy_hardyman2003
2