All categories - 16 May 2007

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass

2007-05-16 10:48:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

i need something catchy and mabye a lil risky but ne thing can hepl thanks

2007-05-16 10:48:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Senior Citizens

harry is third in line to the throne so what's the big deal??

and don't tell me he can't go because of security, he could be sent without blabbing his whereabout's could he not??

what message does this send to the rest of the British military??

and what message does it send to the enemy??

2007-05-16 10:48:52 · 13 answers · asked by ~Celtic~Saltire~ 5 in Military

I know newborn pigeons & doves need enzymes their food in order to digest. So...is it ok to use papaya enzymes for them?

seriously...

(no jokes or wisecracks)

2007-05-16 10:48:38 · 7 answers · asked by Checkers- the -Wolf 1 in Birds

we are going to be 5 years married on June 30th but he always forgets our anniversary.... What can I do to let him know that I want to me surprised?

2007-05-16 10:48:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Marriage & Divorce

I

2007-05-16 10:48:32 · 4 answers · asked by Cynthia K 1 in Fish

We've already recieved mixed reactions from family members. Most of them in opposition to the name.

2007-05-16 10:48:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Baby Names

Broken into your house and has a gun pinned to your head......your family is tied up watching in terror.....

What are your thoughts at this exact moment?

2007-05-16 10:47:54 · 14 answers · asked by Daughter of a Coma Guy 7 in Polls & Surveys

2007-05-16 10:47:52 · 4 answers · asked by rdrivera1968 1 in Men's Health

Ok . . well my boyfriend of a yr and a half. broke up with me bcuz i lied about somthing. . . i dnt blame him but over the past 5 months ive proved to him that was a one and only thing. well he took me back but 2 weeks later told me he couldnt be with me bcuz he still cant trust me. it seems like one minute we're great the next he pushes me away. it hurts. . and it seems like the more i wait for him the more it hurts me. . . everyone tells me to move on. but i cant. everytime i try he acts like he wants me back. not to mention he's my first love. . it was love at first sight for me and he was my first everything. . . we've been through more than you can imagen but yet it seems like we cant work through this. . . i want to move on. . . . i just . . . cant. . . . what do i do and if i have to move on how do i do it ?

2007-05-16 10:47:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

What does EMO stand for? I heard it means either Everyone M**terbastes Often or something like that? I have never seen an EMO or however you say it, but I do know that Jared Letto looks pretty Gay these days. Does it mean if you dress up like a homosexual that you are an EMO? Somebody please fill me in. I'm not hip to the groove cause im an old dude but the kids in my neighborhood are all gay and say they are emo's. May it is an emu? Im not really sure. Either way i think they are gay. Let me know what EMO stands for please?

2007-05-16 10:47:39 · 25 answers · asked by jswolpers 1 in Other - Cultures & Groups

its summer I thought you guys should know you can turn your A/C up full blast...it doesnt make you run out of gas any quicker people..

its a myth..

Windows, air conditioning - who cares?

There's the old saw that leaving your windows rolled down creates an aerodynamic drag on your car, cutting down on fuel efficiency. And there's the notion that the fastest way to drain your gas tank is by running your air conditioning.

Don't believe either one.

In two separate studies conducted in 2005, the automotive Web site Edmunds.com and Consumer Reports compared the fuel economy of both a sedan and an SUV at highway speeds with and without air conditioning and how open windows affected gas usage.

2007-05-16 10:47:38 · 9 answers · asked by spink_is_not_dead 4 in Other - Cars & Transportation

2007-05-16 10:47:27 · 28 answers · asked by PhoeniXoXoXoX 6 in Polls & Surveys

Never Show Up Late!
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had and affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the republican senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!

2007-05-16 10:47:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

They made electronic devices such as the Snappy Video Snapshot device.

2007-05-16 10:47:08 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Hardware

2007-05-16 10:46:59 · 15 answers · asked by ATLANTA FALCONS 2 in Dental

i use the charger on my laptop all the time when the charger is in place should i remove the battery?

2007-05-16 10:46:54 · 8 answers · asked by hyper29 4 in Other - Computers

Theres 2 guys that are in a bar thats on top of a cliff.

The first one sez ''hey come and look at this'' and walks to the edge of the cliff.
the first guy jumps off the cliff, catches the wind in his coat and flies back up.
''wow howd u do that?''
'' u just gotta wear a coat and catch the wind in it, its easy''
so the second guy tries and falls to his death. the first guy walks back into the bar and the bartender sez

''wow u can be an a.s.shole went ur drunk superman''

2007-05-16 10:46:41 · 7 answers · asked by skxu 3 in Jokes & Riddles

Have you ever seen anyone buried in the sand at the beach with only their head and feet sticking out of the sand? Did you see them having their feet tickled? If so, was it someone you know or was it a stranger? Was it at a public beach?
I was just wondering because I love it when that happens!

2007-05-16 10:46:29 · 15 answers · asked by ticklish Jen 1 in Other - Society & Culture

help fast

2007-05-16 10:46:27 · 18 answers · asked by Mered G 1 in Languages

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

"You have no arms !"

"No matter," said the man. "Observe !"

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

"Bishop, who was this man ?".

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,



( scroll down )





" ................ BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"





WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more


The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.

I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened ? Who is this man ?" the first monk asked breathlessly.



"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but..."





(. . . Wait for it ...)




(.. . . It's worth it.. ..)






"HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."

2007-05-16 10:46:13 · 20 answers · asked by jabelite 3 in Jokes & Riddles

2 women are coming home from a night out, they stop in a church yard for a wee. 1 wipes herself on her knickers and throws them away the other uses a wreath, The next night their husbands are in the pub, 1 says I'll have to watch my wife she came home without her knickers last night, the other said that's nothing I found a card stuck in my wife's @$$ that said - from all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you.

2007-05-16 10:46:09 · 10 answers · asked by cleocat 5 in Jokes & Riddles

The world comes to and end as everything does. And the world will one day come to an end whether you believe it or not, science does prove that our star(the sun) will not burn forever.

What will happen when the world comes to an end? Will all of the souls just seize to exist or will they all reach Nirvana?

This question is not intended to offend anyone.....I just want to get some good opinions.

2007-05-16 10:46:06 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous 3 in Religion & Spirituality

Our child was just born, and we were told she automatically qualifies for SSI because she is so small. What should I expect to go through to get her sign up, and what might she receive as far as benefits?

2007-05-16 10:45:56 · 5 answers · asked by ZacA 1 in Newborn & Baby

2007-05-16 10:45:55 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I know it's probably just a slip of the tongue- they were married for over 15 years, divorced for over 3 years - and he still has to talk to her about the kids.
I've told him it hurts my feelings and he doesn't do it very often - but why does he do it all all?
I never call him by my ex-husbands name.

2007-05-16 10:45:36 · 18 answers · asked by Kaybee 4 in Marriage & Divorce

2007-05-16 10:45:36 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6 in Polls & Surveys

I have always gotten these for my girl at Target (Circo brand, $9.99 for either 2 or 3 pair). But they only carry them during the fall and winter. Well my girl still spins circles in her bed, so a blanket is not an option. It is too cool in our house for her to sleep in the lightweight cotton ones. She is outgrowing the fleece pjs she has now and I need some in size 18mos or bigger. Where can I find them at a decent price? $20 bucks for one pair is TOO much for baby pjs!

2007-05-16 10:45:21 · 9 answers · asked by ladybug 4 in Toddler & Preschooler

I have 5 big Koi's in my pond which I have had for many years, and recently bought 6 new koi's to add to the pond. Am I suppose to seperate them first before I put them in with my old ones? Because it seems each time I add a new fish to the pond a few of my fishes would die. How can I avoid this problem? Are you not supposed to add new koi's in the pond straight after buying? Help needed please!

2007-05-16 10:45:08 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Fish

2007-05-16 10:45:03 · 13 answers · asked by Bradford A 1 in Amusement Parks