Senior Citizens

I know we adopted an elderly woman out in North Carolina many years back when I was a kid, but now that I have my own kids and live in Texas, I'm trying to find a website or program that does this sort of thing. I think it was ALOT of fun to have an adopted grandparent and I can see how it would make a person extremely happy.

2007-12-12 07:06:15 · 15 answers · asked by web_trace 1

Would they say something nice or would it be something grumpy??? Awe, come on here people...we're just pretending and you know it's something you pet lovers have thought about. Right? Me too. Edit : Yes, I meant this for my Senior friends, not the joke room.

2007-12-12 07:05:52 · 31 answers · asked by Eve 5

Or do you try to convey the sights and sounds so that the person you are talking to can get a feel in their minds eye of what you are describing themselves?

2007-12-12 06:52:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay.

2007-12-12 06:36:31 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

Day 1.

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2.

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3.

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4.

A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his problem. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5.

What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.

Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.

Day 7.

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8.

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.

No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10.

Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with whip cream and whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11.

I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

Day 12.

I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ...

Day 13.

Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry", thing again, I'll kill the *******.

Day 14.

I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me.

Day 15.

I think I'll have to kill him. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and f... himself and he did.

Day 16.

The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17.

Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18.

He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the telly all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!

2007-12-12 06:15:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

...how would YOU feel and what would YOU do...now, in life...

2007-12-12 05:25:06 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am considering getting one.I think everything has a down side,but I haven't found one yet in that program.

2007-12-12 05:14:04 · 11 answers · asked by computer dummy 2

I looked for a weather site ,couldn't find it so I thought Our American Friends , on Answers could fill us in!

2007-12-12 04:51:14 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

ResimaY


To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a reporter but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.



Sinseerly,

BRYAN nikname Beefy


PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.






Employer's response:.....
Dear Beefy-I mean Bryan,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check. You're hired.

2007-12-12 04:45:35 · 40 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

We had the "junkman" in our neighborhood. He wore a large black overcoat and a black hat, no matter the weather. He had a mangy black dog and pulled a wagon and used to go door to door about once a month collecting junk. We never knew his name. He was just "The Junkman."

2007-12-12 04:29:46 · 20 answers · asked by Wandering In The Wilderness 4

I am involved with an organization that instead of giving gifts to each other for x-mas wants us to bring personal items for elderly women in nursing homes. I have no idea what these items should be? any suggestions?

2007-12-12 04:00:01 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

...that made YOU smile with Happiness...

2007-12-12 03:53:18 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was raise old school and taught to hold open doors for ladies, to say please and thank you for courtesies that were extended to me, to give up a seat for elderly people and pregnant women, etc. It seems that in the past decade and/or generation or so, these common courtesies are seldom seen. Is it because the younger generation were not taught these things ? Is it because everyone is too busy or involved in their own existence to really care ? Do you think todays moral/ethical values are being misplaced ? Do you see this world in general, becoming a more hostile enviornment due to world circumstances ? What are your thoughts on the reasons for these changes ?

2007-12-12 02:39:49 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-12 02:38:23 · 20 answers · asked by Tracer 5

i collect i love lucy stuff/ & i walk to the parks & feed the Pigeons & other birds, plus i do word search puzzells & watch dvds, Thats mainly my off computer time, whats yours?

2007-12-12 02:14:18 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

My mom is very generous and financially secure. If she wants it, she buys it. I just returned from a trip to Europe, which she paid for, because she wanted to share the experience with me. I want to show my appreciation (of course I thanked her) and give her something special. She's a photographer so she has plenty of pictures of our trip, etc. Any ideas?

2007-12-12 02:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by katydid 7

2007-12-12 02:08:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

garden (75 x 125) ft where the folks (as well as everyone else)grew all the onion potatoes and than canned vegies for the winter -- over the years of traveling i neve did but since returning to the farm i have started again helpin my sister (she never stoped) raise vegies -- how many of you still grow some of your own food!!!!

i remember while stationed in england in the early 70ths alot of the english folks did gardening -- do you folks still have the little plots -- by the way i plant my potatoes like you folks do!!!

2007-12-12 01:01:34 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-12 00:56:07 · 26 answers · asked by gggggg 6

was it true?

2007-12-12 00:10:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

One of my favourites,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1h3alZfMXw

2007-12-12 00:05:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Breast Exam Poem
For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care, My doctor found a lump. She ordered up a mammogram, To look inside that bump. "Stand up very close" she said. As she got my boob in line, "And tell me when it hurts" she said. "Ah yes! There, that's fine.

She stepped upon a pedal. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate pressed down and down, My boob was in a vise!

My skin was stretched and stretched, From way up under my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt. Within it's vice-like grip. A prisoner in this viscous thing, My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say As the room was slowly swaying. "Now, let's have a go at the other one." Lord have mercy I was praying.

It squeezed me from up and down. It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet she's never had this done, Not to her tender little hide!

If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have popped, "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how they come out!

2007-12-11 23:28:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Super Granny



An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!



Get out of the car you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.



The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.



No charges were filed.
(True story!)

2007-12-11 21:13:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

mine do but if they disagree with my latest crazy idea, they let it be known, but stand by me all the same

2007-12-11 20:50:31 · 14 answers · asked by ⓑⓐⓨⓢⓐ ™ 6

2007-12-11 16:25:21 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Could be that alot of these kids have two parents working ? When I ask this I am not talking about people that are trying to make ends meet but people that COULD downsize lifestyle and have a parent home?

2007-12-11 15:54:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

maybe it is when you are a true senior that it begins to happen

2007-12-11 15:43:11 · 20 answers · asked by ⓑⓐⓨⓢⓐ ™ 6

on top of how old you are already, but everyone elses life cycle would not change, would you be happy or sad? Would you do it?

2007-12-11 15:26:11 · 42 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

i usually put my foot on the brake, even though i do not intentionally speed, it is just an automatic reflex.

2007-12-11 15:14:13 · 18 answers · asked by ⓑⓐⓨⓢⓐ ™ 6

2007-12-11 15:11:34 · 35 answers · asked by Wickwire 5