Senior Citizens

I thought the famed tribe in westerns was pronounced .So Ix...not Soo.

2007-12-31 08:58:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Rather than hear those blowers going all the time? Do you think it is time we go back to push mowers? No noise and it still does a good job?

2007-12-31 08:55:36 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Even if you just glance at it from the corner of your eye, will that still prevent the boiling action?

2007-12-31 08:49:38 · 35 answers · asked by TRAF 4

A lot of my friends say they can't get their husbands attention, So Ive been brain storming I will invent a device that will store and play music, or place a hearing aid under the womens breast bone I hail this as a major break through women are always complaining of men staring at their breast bone and not listening to them

2007-12-31 08:49:00 · 5 answers · asked by Jan 6

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "****! THAT'S the word!”

2007-12-31 08:46:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

2007-12-31 08:21:25 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

2007-12-31 07:48:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

will someone please tell me how i can get out this dam chair and give my eyes and fingers a rest , happy new year,xxxx

2007-12-31 07:17:17 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-31 07:14:10 · 8 answers · asked by tysdad62271 5

...considered chatting and a violation of the CG? I asked a question that was somewhat similar to one I had gotten a violation on before so I'm pretty sure I know who the chat- rat is now. I'm not going to go tit for tat with the chat rat but I'm not giving up on the chat until I get a suspension. I love you all, have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2007-12-31 07:11:43 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who started this custom? I believe that nothing inside or outside the body should be removed un-necessary. Hair was put on legs and underarms for a reason, just because I don't know the reason, doesn't make it null.

Male's comments are welcome also.

2007-12-31 07:11:25 · 48 answers · asked by Gem 5

...for some its next year, and others yesterday...

...as for myself, ...YES!!!...one day at a time...

2007-12-31 07:05:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have searched without success for a meaningful response to this question for many years. Perhaps those that have a meaningful answer "are not talking"?? :o]

I would like to start off the new year knowing the answers to all of my questions! (Any thumbs down will be considered to be an error in judgment)

2007-12-31 06:47:42 · 15 answers · asked by LUCKY 4

We are going to move and I am getting rid of some of my books. I did some a few years ago and it was weird. I am going to take them to the Edgewood Library and let someone else enjoy them. I can always buy new ones when we move. I still hate to see them go. Only the most sentimental will stay.

2007-12-31 06:30:50 · 23 answers · asked by sniggle 5

2007-12-31 06:29:04 · 21 answers · asked by Gem 5

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a ***** didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his *** out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

2007-12-31 06:26:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Our (new) Australian government is intending to force all ISPs to remove porn and other "unsuitable" material from all Internet service. In order for people to access such material, they would have to register with the ISP, give their details, and then they could get what they liked. I don't like porn and such like, but I do like that the Internet is a free forum for all people, with no censorship except what we place on ourselves.
This is obviously to protect children from predators, but I believe that parents should be doing that job.
What would you feel about your government placing such consorship on the Internet?

2007-12-31 06:01:00 · 13 answers · asked by Stella 6

2007-12-31 05:52:13 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

We see people on the television , who collect the most odd and fascinating things. Do you collect something - just because it fascinates you?

2007-12-31 05:51:38 · 12 answers · asked by Stella 6

Apart from the instant communication of the Internet, I love what I can do with my still photgraphy and movie-making. What is your favorite computer use ?

2007-12-31 05:48:09 · 16 answers · asked by Stella 6

2007-12-31 05:31:44 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous

For what undesirable uses could your questions and answers here be employed?

2007-12-31 05:27:39 · 22 answers · asked by LUCKY 4

I don't mean look it up in the dictionary. What means contentment to you?

2007-12-31 05:19:03 · 26 answers · asked by Miz D 6

Light, dark, float a muleshoe, or dissolve a mule shoe black coffee like I do?

2007-12-31 04:51:53 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-12-31 04:46:54 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I saw this little sentence and it made me think about forgiveness. "Every person should have a special cemetery lot in which to bury the faults of friends and loved ones."

2007-12-31 04:37:24 · 16 answers · asked by Miz D 6

And after 39 answers it got deleted? Why?

2007-12-31 04:37:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Chocolate that we , correction.HE lost, on Christmas Eve?
I gave him this joke present on Christmas Eve 'cos I couldn't be doing with it Christmas day .
It was a VERY nice spreading knife. For chocolate, which I had ordered off Anne Summers. He got all excited and put the chocolate, somewhere. We had the knife but, he had mislaid the choc. We improvised and it was loads of calories
but we managed. 6 days later, the chocolate appears!! In his dressing gown pocket. He was trying to be all sauve and sophisticated and produce this ' chocolate spread' at the correct moment.
Upshot is that I have to endure the chocolate run again Lol!
Twice in one year? OOOPS! I have just given the game away for his twice a week! Love him to bits! Only joking.

2007-12-31 04:36:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you take a afternoon nape?
Each day around 2:00 I get so sleepy I can hardly hold my eyes open.
I don't want to feel lazy...one hour will do me...and I'm up ready to go again.

2007-12-31 04:34:54 · 23 answers · asked by Mustbe 6

Things change weekly and monthly. Some of us don't have enough to make it monthly much less save. Will you if possible?
Will you stop some of the frivolous help you give family and friends to help them or force them to be more responsible?
I have 2 leaving the nest in the next 3-4 months. One will be getting birthday and wedding money not for a party but towards a house downpayment-her choice. The other is going back on her own after getting her debts all paid off by living at home for almost 2 yrs.
We've got two mothers to be ready with cribs etc. Now we intend to save more once again. Plus replace some things we are donating to the kids to help them be more comfortable.
We think it is time to let them fly and take a giant step back. have you all ready done tis or do you plan on it?

2007-12-31 04:11:02 · 14 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6