Do you believe my friends husband would write a letter like this. ?

Question

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

Answer 1

I would type something grand but I can't see !!!!!!n hahahaha !!!!!!!

Answer 2

It can be possible that he wrote that only because he's known to be a jerk like that. Why would he have to write everything down, like keeping a daily journal for 1 year WTF! What a dumb ***! lol And your friend the wife, just probably wrote that back to get back at him and to show that there is two side of every story. She most likely guessed on numbers , but i think she was the most honest! LOL I think he made that letter, but now that we all have read it, he's the one that looks like an ***! hahaha He's a dork...if he had to write that to his wife...he must be doing something wrong...for reals!

Answer 3

Looks like a STALE MATE to me.

Answer 4

Great! Sounds just like my ex's divorce complaint. She must be selling copies again to supplement her alimony payments.

Answer 5

Another star, this one should get about 53 stars.

Answer 6

great well done ,have a happy new year

Answer 7

Excellent. Plenty of laughs in this one. Thanks. If these are original you should put them in a book. You could make a fortune.

Answer 8

This is the greatest thing I have seen in a long time LOL

Answer 9

That was your best work yet. If I could give you 10,000 points to keep entertaining me, I would in a heartbeat.

Answer 10

LMAO very funny