I have to put up with bad memories daily. They come in my mind for no apparent reason, and immediately, my thoughts turn to violent retaliation fantasies for what was done to me, and I have the same feelings of helplessness and lack of control as when things happened. Most of the time, the slights were insignificant, but the amount of rage behind them are tremendous.
I've tried therapy, self-help, and meds. I'm even trying propranolol therapy, which is experimental, but even that doesn't help. A lot of times, my thoughts are stuck on wondering when God will ever love me enough to heal me of these thoughts. I beg, plead, pray, etc., and nothing. I'd give almost anything for a life totally devoid of these thoughts. I've tried everything I can think of to stop them. I even tried slapping myself everytime I had these thoughts. All that did was cause bruises. Life isn't worth living as long as these thoughts harass me and take over my life.
2007-02-19
17:58:00
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8 answers
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asked by
Anonymous