can someone help me?

Question

The stress of school, friends, and sports are starting to take their toll on me. I have been getting more and more depressed lately. I try to talk to my friends who have been down this road, but they can't be there for me 24/7. When i am alone, i get to thinking how i am going to be a failure in life and no one will ever love me. I know i shouldn't be defined by a guy, but when i had my first "relationship" (or as close as you can come at my age) i felt so secure. But when it ended i was devastated. I don't miss the guy so much as i miss the feeling of comfort.

My depression has gotten so bad that when i cross a bridge on my way home from school, i think of flinging myself off or throwing myself infront of a car. It makes me want to cry when i think of how badly this has ruined my life. I want to cut, and the temptation is getting too strong for me to fight it anymore.

I am 14, and depression does not run in my family.

I need help right now, because i can't stop myself for reaching for something sharp much longer. Please help me!

Answer 1

I know this is long, but I found it on www.myspace.com/isupport. It's a gay and lesbian support site, but they have some good links on there for depression/suicide. You have your hole life ahead of you!!!!! Please think this over before you do it....=(

www.myspace.com/xolilwindmill
that's me if you want to message me. I'll talk to you, ok?




If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1

You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2

Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4

Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

* Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
* Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
* Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
* Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
* Call a psychotherapist
* Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen

But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5

Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Answer 2

SO many people have given such thoughtful and caring responses- I hope you see that there are people that care about you- after all, you don't even know these people in person and they care.

I suffered from depression at your age and I know it can be very rough.

Promise me you'll talk to someone about it- is there any adult in your life you can trust to listen to you about this? Someone who will agree to be there for you whenever you need to talk? Someone who will know what to do if you should need something more? Your parents? A friend's parents? A teacher or a counsellor at school? Your grandparents?

One thing to do, for sure, is to do as much of the stuff you enjoy doing as possible. If you have a hobby or a passion, throw yourself into it right now. If your hobby is solitary, consider also finding something to do that gets you around other people- do both things. Consider taking up a new sport, learning a new skill... finding things that you enjoy doing is part of the cure of depression. If you play music, write stories or poetry or create art, this is the time to pour your heart into it. If you're an athletic person, go out there and use your body.

Activity is good for the depressed person.

You CAN get through this. I'm 50 now and I'm happy as can be. I was severely depressed when I was your age and I can so remember feeling the way you're feeling. But I got better. Hang in there, you can do it, too.

But reach out, too- you did the right thing to ask for help here. Now think about what adult you can talk to about it in person. I hope your parents can be there for you, but if not, think about others that might be available to help you in the meantime.

I'm rooting for you!!

Answer 3

Don't cut! Although depression may not run in your family, you are clearly depressed. I am not going to get intrusive, as this is a public forum, and I am NOT your psychologist or treating you. Often teens who cut themselves have experienced severe physical or sexual abuse--not always though. The way that you describe your feelings of loss at the relationship that you had indicate to me that you are not feeling "whole" as a person, not an uncommon feeling for a 14 year old girl. As women, we are taught most of our lives to define ourselves by the "man" in our lives, and the lack of a man means that we are "nothing". It IS comforting to have another person there for you, but ever so much more comforting to be able to build a solid relationship with yourself, to understand that YOU are sufficient and alright just as you are.

Run--do not walk--to a school counselor or teacher that you trust, make a call to a suicide hotline, or to a teen "warm line", a line that you can call to talk to someone else about how you are feeling and what you would lke to do to yourself. You are a valuable person just as you are--scared, lonely, confused and all. I really and truly was where you are at right now at one point in my life and I know how it feels. I didn't give in to the idea of killing myself right away, but I did do a pretty good job of messing my body up for a while. When I came through the other side, I worked on becoming a psychologist so that I could help others who were in the siuation that I had once been in. I say this not to brag to you about me but to tell you that you CAN get through it, you CAN have a rich and meaningful life, even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

Good luck, and if you need to, please send me an email.

Answer 4

suicide is a permenant solution to a very temporery problem.
Either get to a councelor or wake up and start like new. forget the past and stop your pity party. What you are thinking is the easiest thoughts a person can have. It is much more of a challenge to have to think positive when things arent going perfect. Get tough , be proud of yourself for not choosing the easy way and accepting the challenge becasue yo are an intelligent worthwhile person that hneeds a little time to go by and things do get better.
I had to leave a great life and girl at the age of 30 to take care of my mom who had a stroke. I never got to have a wife or family and I am just fine as I see my friends always arguing and trying to get free time for themdselfves and their wives wont let them.
All relationships are not that great after the first bgit of lovey dovey days in the beginning.
I still care for my mom and found out that this is my life so I dont cry about it or feel sorry formyself. I chose to make the best of what life gave me.

Answer 5

I have been struggling with problems like that for a while now sence about 13 and I'm 22. I would suggest first trying to talk with a counselor at school. Cutting isn't the answer been there done that, still have temtaions to do it, once bleeding stops your stuck with a soar arm and nasty scars, you may think that at the moment you feel better, but then you look at your arm and feel bad for cutting and its just downhill! PLEASE DON'T cut. Also try to talk to some one like your mom or a sibling. I know you think they wont understand but they need to know whats going on, they need to be there for you! I never told any one and still haven't told my family, I over heard my mom talking to some one saying the depression is all in your head and its not a medical condition (WHICH IT IS) so That has really gotten in the way of me telling her. Three of my close friends know and my doctor. If you can get into your family DR i would suggest that. They can help a lot, even with out meds! Please what ever you do find help, HECK you can email me and I will try to answer you the best I can with personal experience I might have some good info for you! Just remember your young and there is so much more out there for you! Hang in there OK, and please feel free to contact me and ask my any questions you want!

[e-mail]

Answer 6

Listen! I was a cutter and I had no one, not my mom or anyone I could talk to. Your body is a temple don't damage it in that way!! I am now 32 years old and I have ugly scars on my hands from cutting! What if my child was to ask me about them, what am I to say? You are young and full of life and there is other fish out there in the sea. That guy might have just done you a favor. Think of it that way! Try to tell your mom that you would like to see a therapist or some thing. I hope that you realize how many people in the world love you! Don't take that for granited!! Don't orry about being a failure!! You're just 14!! You are going to have to live and learn and no body in this world is perfect except GOD!! Think about it and don't be so hard on yourself!!

Answer 7

Well, if you need help, I'm here. Email me:

eileenprince @ sbcglobal .net

or IM me using that name on Yahoo Messenger.

Some distractions might work.. but sometimes the tension is too strong. Scream, or cry. Try to just release it in a healthy way. Write a song, or just writing down your thoughts. Throw pillows, lol. If you need to talk, I'm here.

Answer 8

You need to talk with your family and make an appointment to see a doctor. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to a local hospital and tell them you are depressed and suicidal. It could save you life. Depression is curable with the medication and/or therapy. Do it!

Answer 9

Talk to your family. We here on Yahoo Answers cant help you much more then giving advice. Talk to your family they are their to support you. Ask your mom to see a doctor who can prescribe anti-depressants if needed. My friend was horribly depressed. He had 5 suicide attempts and he would cut his wrists raw. He went on anti depressants and after that he worked through his problems and now he is fine and doesnt need the medicine anymore.

Answer 10

DO NOT reach for that knife....call 911....you need help right away!!!! I used to cut and cutting is not the way. There is help out there sweetie....you need it....Please set up an appointment for a mental health facility....I have been through this before, I promise with help things will get better.

Answer 11

Honey please think of it this way: This To Shall Pass. Go to your parents and if you can't, go to the Hospital NOW!! You have a purpose in this life and its a very valuable one, someday it will come to you what it is, but in the mean time, go see a doctor that can help you sort things out..you don't I think need medication as of yet..You do need someone that cares about your welfare. I wish that I was there to help you!!!!