Getting over your past (serious answers please)?

Question

I am 34 years old and I still struggle with the guilt of something I did when I was 14. I won't go into any details because it's not something I care to share in this forum.

At the time, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't really grasp how wrong it was. I started feeling serious guilt about it within a year or two and at times it was so overpowering I would almost stand up in the middle of crowds and yell what I had done.

As the years have gone on, the intensity of the guilt has diminished, but it's still with me on an almost daily basis. It's always just at the edge of my consciousness waiting capture to my attention at the slightest reminder.

I have never repeated what I did back then and I know I am a different person now. However, I feel this has affected my self esteem and self image as an adult. I'm not looking for forgiveness or to forget about it, but I would like to find a way to put it behind me so I can really move forward with my life.

Answer 1

wow, you sound so sad and exactly like someone I know. YOu know, people change and something you did at the age of 14 ? You shouldn't dwell on it. People make the wrong choices and if your talking about what I think your talking about. It's pretty common at that age. I think you should seek counseling, I know that telling someone about it is not what you want to do, but believe me, it will help. The counseling is always confidential and you will feel a lot better. And you don't have to have a lot of money for one. Just call your local health dept and find out where you can go. Good luck and Keep your head up!

Answer 2

The best advice I could give is to accept it. You can't blame your past for who you are today. And you were just a child when it happened.

An excerpt from Self Matters by Dr. Phil may help, may not, but here it is:

The Past reaches into the Present
And Programs the future
By your recollections
And your internal rhetoric
About what you perceived happened in life.

Look back on your history of your own life. Own it. Because at least you'll know why you react the way you react to any given situation, and once you know that, you then have a choice on how to feel about it.

I don't know if this helps or if you understand what I'm trying to say, but perhaps if you get the book I mentioned, it may help you more than anyone else can. Good luck.

Answer 3

One of the nice things about childhood is that it ends. Everyone does things they would rather not remember or are not proud of.
If you have done something to someone, try apologizing to that person if they are still alive. You could even write a letter. It is not important whether they forgive you, but you should apologize. You will be amazed what a healing effect this will have. Possibly for both of you. And then put it behind you.. it's done, you feel remorse and you apologized. That's it.

Answer 4

I to have suffered guilt over past actions, but have come to realise the past is gone there is nothing you can do to change it. You need to get on with your life and talking to counsellor's or Therapist's is one way, check their confidentiality procedure first. You should be OK so long as you have never killed someone then it becomes ethical,. Discussing your past may help your self esteem as it sounds like your not growing to your full potential because of this issue. Good luck

Answer 5

That must be hard for you. i have too been haunted by my past. Whenever I feel anxiety.... i use that opportunity to say to myself "I am so thankful that I had that experience because that experience shows me who i am not. And by knowing who I am not... I know who I am.' does that make sense. The way to acceptence and forgivess is to be grateful.... that alone will change you. You don't need to be grateful that you hurt someone or that someone hurt you. Just be grateful for what that experience taught you. That is happened. That you were able to build on that to be the person you are today. The opposite of unforgiveness is being grateful for what you learned from that expereince.

Answer 6

Find professional help. There are psychologists and social workers, (no drugs) who will listen to your problem , and help you..
Every one of us has done something he wishes he hadn't, so, you aren't alone. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be. I'd bet a couple sessions with a social worker or psychologist will help. To find one, check with a psychiatrists's office, the psych dept of a local college, a local hospital.
A social worker helped me,. big time, and I am not ashamed to admit I needed his service.
A couple 1 hour sessions was enough to do the job. Good luck.

Answer 7

you need to see a councelor. if you can't afford one, go see a pastor, or seek a community based free clinic for mental health. unless it was murder or some serious crime, they have to keep it private.. i tihnk you have to tell someon before it eats you up inside. maybe work your way up to it.. try witing it down...then shred it so nobody sees.that will help you get use to putting it outsie your mind and body into the real world, and you can work your way up to telling. maybe there is a hotline outt here for your particular problem..a crisis line. those are private too. good luck! now if it has to do with you molesting somone..sorry to hurt your mental health..buti hope someone beats you and lets you bleed almost to death slowly...becaus THAT is the most horrible thing you could ever do to somone and you deserve that gulit to eat you..but if it isn't something like that..seek help

Answer 8

If I were you, I would go to therapy. If it is such a big issue, it's affecting your everyday life, it neads to be dealt with. People on Yahoo! Answers probably can't give you as much information and guidance as a psychologst can. If you are religious, I would also go to your place of worship for advice.

Answer 9

You have to forgive yourself. You were just a kid, and kids make mistakes, especially in light of what they are subjected to themselves. Adults make mistakes, so how can you hold yourself accountable forever for something you have not repeated? That shows obvious remorse. God forgives you, forgive yourself and be done with it.

Answer 10

I WOULD SUPPOSE THAT WHEN YOU WERE TWO YEARS THERE WAS A TIME YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS, AND WHEN YOU WERE 13 YOU EXPLORED SEX WITH ANOTHER BOY????

BELIEVE ME SO DID THE REST OF US.

LOOK AT YOURSELF NOW, ARE YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE? CAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF NOW?? PROBABLY.Y NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL WHINING ABOUT POOPING YOUR PANTS, AND OTHER STUFF THAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT ALLOWED YOU TO FIND THE SELF YOU ARE NOW.

LIVE FOR TODAY AND ACCEPT THAT WE ALL LEARN ABOUT OURSELVES BY EXPERIMENTATION, AND JUST BE PROUD THAT WHEN YOU HAVE EXPERIMENTED, YOU HAVE MADE THE RIGHT DECISIONS AND BECOME THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE TODAY!!!