What do you think of it? And could you spot areas where I can improve ?
The light descended from the sky
A blinding white light; I lost all sight, I couldn’t see
Closer it came, more thrilling it became
Thrilling terror, I felt as it came upon my
Family, then, it came upon me
It covered me with peace, it ceased all pain
Ecstatic joy, Enthusiastic pleasure, a happy demise
Overwhelmed me with delight, Overpowered me with emotion
Captured, thrown into the rapture; excited, I forgot pain
And dismay as I was carried away, off to paradise
The light disappeared, I was alone
Not a soul was there, I searched everywhere
Quiet it was, as though no one had ever been born
Everyone had vanished and here I was, banished
Despair crept inside me, a numbing despair
I ran outside, to find anyone, I tried
Someone left behind, someone like me
Nothing was there to see or hear but a desolate silence
That echoed an eerie sensation; I cried
In desperation and distress and as a plea
A dreadful feeling descended upon me
Abandoned, I was, forsaken and mistaken
A dismal destiny loomed; I was doomed for eternity
Condemned, I lamented, I repented; worthlessly
Cast aside; everyone but me was blessed and taken
In the empty street, a gusty wind blew
Reminding me of the wound with which I cope
My spirit died, my faith dried and again I cried
And as I cried, into my view, as image flew
Of a holy place, I dragged my ragged self in hope
Once inside, I tore my clothes in grief
And I knelt before the idol in shame
Holding my hands apart, I screamed out my heart
Why, I cried as faltered did my belief
What have I done? No answer came
Hours passed; colourless and with agony
Sat a wretched I, Distraught as in vain I fought
A forlorn fate, I have fallen into; so damned I prefer
To die; Gloom filled my soul's hole as misery
Set upon me, cursing me for worst as I begin to rot
2006-12-26
02:06:27
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14 answers
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asked by
Cornesan
1