MY MOTHER
My Mother . . .
There is no other like my mother
With her love like a feather
She would never let me wither.
With her care that is deeper
She would help me flower!
She taught me love . . .
By her gentle care, by always being there
By her awesome presence, by her kind words.
She gave me confidence . . .
By telling me im not alone, by giving me the courage to rise up from each fall
By her right judgements, by her praises for me.
She gives me knowledge . . .
By sharing her wisdom, by instilling love for reading
By books, by encouraging my talents.
She showed me GOD . . .
By the truth, by listening to her conscience
By her smile and by her sincere prayers.
Nithya Nagarajan
2006-12-25 21:56:56 · 16 answers · asked by cheerfulwife 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Indeed, it is quite a lovely poem, beautifully composed. As others have observed you should be proud of the little one.
A common assumption among many young poets is that a poem must have a consistent rhyme-scheme even at the expense of words' connotative meanings. Hence, the tendency to "look up" for words that rhyme. Perhaps this is because most of us love lyrical songs whereby the sounds of words are given more weght! Free verse seems unappealing.
The musicality of the poem is unmistakeable especially in due the rhyme scheme and the trailing constituents after the repeated "By". You may rethink "my" in line ii. Readers already know this as it is prominently foregrounded in the title. However, I think the image of "feather" seems chosen simply to help phonetically, rhyme with "wither."
Otherwise, how does "love" of a mother be so compared to a physical state of "wither!" "Awesome presence" connotes a domineering/authoritative - rather slightly in the negative sense although commonly deployed casually today to suggest positive quality. Suggest to her to look for another lexicon instead of this "awe". awesome people sometimes do not have "kind words"
She may also consider dividing it into stanzas with the first ending with line iv or line vii. Or separate into two stanzas withe first ending with "kind words."
A bit of consistency is needed between "She gave me confidence" and "She gives me knowledge" See the tense gave/gives!!
I love this "By sharing her wisdom, by instilling love for reading" except for "instilling" Search for another softer word, or begin the next line "My" instead of By.
This line is floating "She showed me GOD" and misplaced. Either find a way to make it fit using the musical By something Or delete altogether. In any case, you perhaps showed her the path of God but certainly not God Himself!!
This needs recasting too: "by listening to her conscience"
listening to mother's conscience? how? I think another word is could convey the intended meaning more concisely and adequately.
The last line of the poem is excellent in my view. At first I thought the mother was going to be compared to father along the now tired metaphor of "Mother's Baby, Father's Maybe" But I was pleasantly surprised that the poem focuses on no other but "my"! I wonder what grade she is in! No matter, she has the makings of a wonderful poet. I'd be flattered by such fondness from my little girl. Just encourage her creative talents the more.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-26 03:58:09 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WoooooooooooooooooooooooW
Amazing
Really thx for sharing this with us and i want you to tell her to keep going she will be famous someday if she continue in writing poems ( Try to let her study poetry )
And of course you are a great mother for her as her poem describes you , you must be proud of your girl
2006-12-25 22:02:20 · answer #2 · answered by P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'd write one like Dondi, yet yours is too efficient. that is a tale i have seen too many circumstances. there are quite some lonely adult males in our technology, adult males who've paid that cost many circumstances over. that is sweet that there are nonetheless those who seek for and locate, and may each from time to time quiet the battles.
2016-12-01 04:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um ..... the sentiment is beautiful, but in terms of talented poetry, I'm afraid to say it's not very good. There are blatant grammatical errors, bad flow and style in general.
As they say, it's the thought that counts.
2006-12-25 22:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Jaded 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's sweet coming from a daughter certainly, the only problem is now I need an insulin shot....
2006-12-25 22:05:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old your daughter is but I'll bet she isn't a teen ager yet. If on the other hand she is, take her to a trick cyclist
2006-12-25 22:06:16 · answer #6 · answered by burtbb0912 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was beautiful. Your daughter must appreciate and love you very much. You should be proud of her. You could try to get it published maybe.
2006-12-26 09:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by bookworm_jenny15 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think, that it is great that you have such a loving daughter and she has you. But I always thought that a poem should have a rhyme notwithstanding the great metaphors.
2006-12-26 00:56:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anne 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ohhh that is so sweet :)
I can tell you have a very loving mother - daughter relationship by her words. It is a very sincere poem.
2006-12-25 22:58:26 · answer #9 · answered by Lilliana 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's really beautiful, well written. You are lucky to have a daughter that looks up to you and loves you soo much.
2006-12-25 22:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by courtsnort51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋