This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down.
"So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
2007-10-29 23:41:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
2007-10-29 23:40:58 · 15 answers · asked by slk29406 6 in Senior Citizens
2007-10-29 23:40:46 · 29 answers · asked by ? 5 in Polls & Surveys
You Were an Accident
Strangers Have the Best Candy
The Little Sissy Who Snitched
Some Kittens Can Fly
Getting More Chocolate on Your Face
Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
All Dogs Go to Hell
The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It
Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?
Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver
You Are Different and That’s Bad
Pop Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games
The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
Babar Meets the Taxidermist
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mommy’s Purse
The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear
Barney: The Prison Years
2007-10-29 23:40:35 · 9 answers · asked by br@ini@c 6 in Jokes & Riddles
insult me; there's train-tracks! ;P
2007-10-29 23:39:35 · 18 answers · asked by George TFPGH Delux! 4 in Polls & Surveys
A little girl is in her back yard diggin a hole. The little girl is balling her eyes out and
the neighbor lady comes over to see what is wrong. "What is wrong dear child,"
"my Canary died," she responds.
"I'm sorry. but why such a big hole?"
"Your damn cat ate him."
2007-10-29 23:39:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
2007-10-29 23:39:06 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
what is the best way to get over it?
2007-10-29 23:38:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
Do you think He made us because He was bored and wanted company? Maybe he just wanted entertainment. If you don't think it was for any of those reasons, then what DO you think His reasons were?
Do you think perhaps He just enjoys creating things and then moving on to the next project, the way most artists and craftsmen do? If that is so, then could it be possible that once he is finished creating us, that he never gives us another thought because he is now busy with a new creation? Would that be such a bad thing?
2007-10-29 23:38:51 · 35 answers · asked by Tea 6 in Religion & Spirituality
"It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. AND FINALLY At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
2007-10-29 23:38:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
2007-10-29 23:38:34 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality
and WHY?
(doesn't necessarily mean the most important one, though it could)
2007-10-29 23:38:05 · 24 answers · asked by Sapphrodite® 5 in Polls & Surveys
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow.Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
2007-10-29 23:38:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
An elderlyLady called 999 to report that her car has been broken into. She hysterically explains her situation to the Operator:"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!"The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police car is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard."She got in the back-seat!>>>>>>>>Family:Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house.One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the others, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening.She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
2007-10-29 23:37:42 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
I sure hope you water drinkers read this!!! It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria found in water that contains feaces.In other words, we are consuming one kilo of s*it.However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation.It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you.THEREFORE - It is better to drink alcohol and talk s*it than to drink water and be full of it !!
2007-10-29 23:37:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
I'm 23 right now and I won't start nursing school until I'm 26. I'll be 30 when I graduate. After I graduate I want to adopt. I really don't know anything about adoption. Is there any places to learn about rules and laws of adoption in Maryland?
2007-10-29 23:37:19 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Adoption
One day we found an old straggly pussycat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, and smelled terrible. We named her "Pu*sy". We took her to the vet. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband said,"OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks. "He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE who wanted the dirty cat NOT him. The vet calls my husband "El-Cheap-O," and my husband calls him "El-Take-O." They love to hate each other and constantly "snipe" at each other, with my husband getting in the last word on this occasion.The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people.A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had seen my husband arrive. He looked at my husband and in a loud voice said "Your wife's pu*sy is finally shampooed and shaved and she now smells like a rose. Oh I think she's pregnant.God alone knows who the father is!
2007-10-29 23:37:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
date and have sex with a 15 year old
2007-10-29 23:37:01 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating
2007-10-29 23:36:42 · 5 answers · asked by muckfegood 1 in Baseball
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
2007-10-29 23:36:22 · 14 answers · asked by CHUCKY 3 in Jokes & Riddles
2007-10-29 23:35:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Society & Culture
2007-10-29 23:35:44 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
Are you sure you really want the government in charge of your health care???
I f the immigrant is over 65 they can apply for SSI and Medicaid
> and get
> more than my mom gets for Social Security, and she worked from 1944
> till
> 2004, only getting $791 per month because she was born in 1924 and
> there is
> a "catch 22".
>
> It is interesting that the federal government provides a single
> refugee
> with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also obtain an
> additional
> $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00/month.
2007-10-29 23:35:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics
Propranolol (inderal) vs IMAO (nadril)?
I'm on propranolol (inderal) for PTS dissorder & migranes, im taking about 30mg. daily.
On the prospect it says that inderal should never be mixed with any IMAO but it doesnt mention the reason (antidpr.) but i want also to take Nardil (as i was prescpr. for Insomnia)
If propranolol lowers blood pressure and nardil highers it,but i need to take them both.
What is your oppinion ? I need a good answer
2007-10-29 23:35:40 · 3 answers · asked by ? 1 in Alternative Medicine
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My doc told me that my cervix is thinning and I'm dilated but not even a cm. Is ther anything I can do to speed this up. I'm so ready to see my baby!!
2007-10-29 23:35:38 · 10 answers · asked by wondering 1 in Pregnancy
Do you like or dislike the month of October?
Why?
What about November?
2007-10-29 23:35:06 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys
cause mr mcmahon said one night only what do u think will happen?
2007-10-29 23:34:49 · 6 answers · asked by cody 2 in Wrestling
They made at least two mortgage payments from the fund, and only stopped the practice when made suspects. If they can afford to pay it now, why couldnt they before. Its a disgrace and they should be locked up for fraud and neglect whilst the police investigate their part in the dissappearance.
2007-10-29 23:34:00 · 34 answers · asked by Mr Bond 2 in Current Events
2007-10-29 23:33:29 · 24 answers · asked by Barbara Doll to you 7 in Religion & Spirituality
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fcuking difference?" asks the father? "That's what I said!"
2007-10-29 23:33:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles
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