My divorce from a nine year marriage (14 year relationship) is almost finale. It was an abusive marriage and ended very badly. He is moving away and will probably never see our two small children again. He does pay his child support so I guess he thinks that is enough. The thing is even with every awful thing that happened and went on , I am still having a hard time moving on. I know I can’t go back because of the violence and I love my children and myself to much to live that way. I just feel so empty right now. I miss having someone to cook for , do laundry for and go out with. I guess I just miss being a wife to someone. I do not want to jump into a relationship because I want to work on me. I want to know who I am and become stronger on my feet. Build my self esteem back up. It is all the memories that I can not stop thinking about. Certain songs, places and people. We were high school sweet hearts and he has been my one and only guy I have ever been with intimately. I want to hate him so much and I should after what he did to me. I am just having a hard time with moving on. He is a very successful business man and I am afraid I will never meet someone like that again. But then I know that money is not happiness. When I left him I left everything , the house, the new care , all my possessions. I never cared about any of that stuff. He just makes me feel inadequate to him and I feel like I need to prove to him that I am a better person than him. Even though I KNOW that I am better. Because I love people with my heart not just because I have something to gain from them. It makes me sick to think of him making love to someone else. Why can’t I just move on!! I know what the right thing is to do but my heart won’t let me let go. What can I do? I am in counseling already.
2007-05-07
16:59:58
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14 answers
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asked by
renee125
2
in
Marriage & Divorce