All categories - 22 November 2006

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"




CAR TROUBLE




A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"




SPEEDING TICKET




A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

2006-11-22 20:59:08 · 17 answers · asked by charlie 3 in Jokes & Riddles

2006-11-22 20:58:57 · 3 answers · asked by Gouresh 1 in Alternative Medicine

had a baby 8 months ago and have gone from a uk 12 to a uk 14 and feel ok at that but we are trying for another baby will i get even fatter should i lose weight first ?

2006-11-22 20:58:32 · 28 answers · asked by makemesmile 2 in Newborn & Baby

father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I
had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings,
tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older
than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods,
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt
anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people
in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grandchildren.


Love, your son, John.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on my desk.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

2006-11-22 20:58:28 · 15 answers · asked by toietmoi 6 in Jokes & Riddles

My son got in a fight with a black kid and when I went to confront the boy his father stepped in and we had some heated words. He called me a name and I called him THE name and he swung at me I maced him and tried to stab him in the eye with my keys. The cops said it was a hate crime and arrested him after I told the police what happened. I have been called racist at work and now lately I have been in 4 more fights with more gorillas. I will send more of those mooleys back to the hospital if it continues but I dont know how to stop this....for my sons sake should we move or join the KKK or what? And for the record I have 3 black friends so I am not racist..

2006-11-22 20:58:05 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Family & Relationships

2006-11-22 20:57:33 · 13 answers · asked by 1/6,833,020,409 5 in Singles & Dating

My 2 year old son, who is a twin has been having what I call "nightmares" since he was a small 5-6 month old baby. When he was that age, he would be sleeping, then he would whimper in his sleep and frown, then if I didn't pat him and reassure him he was okay, he would began to cry. Now that he is 2, he does the same thing, start whimpering in his sleep, then if I don't pat his back and catch him in time, he starts screaming bloody murder! His eyes will be closed, like he's sleep, (and I think he does be sleep still) but you can't wake him up! His body is limp and he will be crying bloody murder. It takes a few minutes to "wake" him, and once he's awake, he goes right back within a few minutes and sleeps through the rest of the night. This only happens maybe 1-2 times every so often. I have talked to the pediatrician, and she says it sounded like night terrors, but he's too young for those, so she didn't have an answer for me? Can anyone suggest what I can do? The other kids are fine?!

2006-11-22 20:57:33 · 7 answers · asked by Nyema 3 in Toddler & Preschooler

I have just had them knocking on the door 5 minutes ago....I had to tell them that I was just out of the bath (well, I was in my pyjamas).
Do you have any original excuses to see them off?
Each to their own as far as religion is concerned..if others want to practice their religion that's okay with me, but I don't want to be converted, thank you.

2006-11-22 20:57:31 · 60 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

2006-11-22 20:57:23 · 12 answers · asked by sunil n 2 in Cricket

What is the difference btw normal coffee and decaf. I know it has no caffiene in it however how is this done. So normal coffee has added caffiene? im confused

2006-11-22 20:57:11 · 12 answers · asked by Darlin 2 in Diet & Fitness

2006-11-22 20:57:05 · 7 answers · asked by Soph 2 in Makeup

Apologies for the image quality but this has been blown up from a photo of this picture which my mum used to have on her living room wall in the 1980's. There are trees, a rock on the left hand side and a stream or river running through the middle. The picture was lost years ago when we moved but I would love to get a print of it again for her so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Just follow the link below to view it.

http://www.darkmedialtd.com/page1.htm...

2006-11-22 20:56:46 · 9 answers · asked by Hotpink555 4 in Painting

i am verry shy guy and right now my Grand Pa and Father is prepare for my marriage .but problem is that without knowing the girl how can i marry but i cant say thats words to our family person till time i cant see her photograph due to our traditional culture .
now i want to meet her and share opnion then marriage plz tell me what should i do ?

2006-11-22 20:56:20 · 10 answers · asked by R12121 1 in Singles & Dating

My boyfriend just told me he loves me with all of his heart and he likes me so much but he doesnt think I would be happy with him. I ask him if he wanted to take a break or just break up but he said no that he loves me and he wants the best for me but he doesnt think he's making me happy but I told him every mintue that I with him or talking to him he makes me very happy and that I wouldnt tray him for eny thing in this world but he doesnt believe me, also he thinks I'm to pretty for him but I dont think thats true.Because to me he's very beautiful and I love him with all my heart. How do I make him realize that.

2006-11-22 20:56:17 · 7 answers · asked by hclover21 3 in Other - Family & Relationships

2006-11-22 20:56:14 · 20 answers · asked by Mikey 3 in Other - Sports

If Bill Gates were killed in a car accident. He might
find himself being sized up by God.

"...Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm
not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After
all, you enormously helped society by putting a
computer in almost every home in the world, and yet
you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do
something I've never done before. In your case, I'm
going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference
between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places
briefly if it will help you make a decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."

Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy
beach with clear waters.

There were thousands of beautiful women running around,
playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.

Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God.
"If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said God, and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels
drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his
decision. "Hmm, I think prefer Hell," he told God.

"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.

When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a
wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave.

He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded, his voice full of anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful; this is NOT what I
expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened
to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful
women playing in the water?"





God says, "That was the screen saver."

2006-11-22 20:55:44 · 48 answers · asked by keekee 1 in Jokes & Riddles

were was an earthquake in this morning?

2006-11-22 20:55:34 · 4 answers · asked by Nechita M 1 in Earth Sciences & Geology

i want an answer. it does not matter whether it is gonna help me or not.

2006-11-22 20:55:21 · 14 answers · asked by annettepaul4 2 in Friends

So you're going to the mall (You know you're going to), & you sit on Santas lap (You know you want to), What will you tell him that you want for Christmas ?

2006-11-22 20:55:13 · 8 answers · asked by Justin 3 in Christmas

to a certain person, should you take the chance and find out what could have been? What does it mean when your mind wanders back to them?

2006-11-22 20:54:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

i love christmas it is fun wahtbo you do

can you help me faned i came that i CAN PALY

on christmas day tahkes a lot uk can help me
NOW IF YOU WAHT TO.

2006-11-22 20:54:59 · 10 answers · asked by malta marilou 2 in Other - Holidays

RECENTLY I VISITED A LAB TO GET MY MALARIAL TEST DONE, BUT I NOTICED THAT THE LAB TECHNICIAN HAD FRESH BLOOD STAINS ON HIS GLOVES WHEN HE INSERTED A NEW BUTTERFLY NEEDLE INTO MY VEIN. HE HAD OPENED THE NEW NEEDLE AND UNWINDED THE PLASTIC TUBE WITH THOSE BLOOD STAINED GLOVES. ALSO THE TIP OF THE NEEDLE HAD TOUCHED THE PLASTIC TUBE BEFORE HE INSERTED THE SAME INTO MY VEIN..I AM VERY MUCH CONCERNED AND SCARED THAT IF THOSE BLOOD STAINS ON HIS GLOVES CARRIED HIV GERMS THEN CAN I ACQUIRE HIV GERMS THRU THIS MODE. PLEASE LET ME KNOW THAT WHAT SHOULD I DO? IS THERE A NEED TO GET MYSELF TESTED. WHICH TEST DO I HAVE TO GO FOR? I SINCERELY NEED HELP AND AM SCARED TO DEATH.

2006-11-22 20:54:54 · 9 answers · asked by harshaddsh 1 in Infectious Diseases

2006-11-22 20:54:53 · 8 answers · asked by sha_la_la 3 in Other - Beauty & Style

Who has buckets of money. Buckets of personality and buckets of stamina?

2006-11-22 20:54:45 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Singles & Dating

Either online or shops which are reliable and good.

I would love to have a collection of the American and Germany army uniforms. I think they look fantastic !!

2006-11-22 20:54:30 · 2 answers · asked by Stevenson D 1 in Fashion & Accessories

2006-11-22 20:54:26 · 10 answers · asked by sk 1 in Investing

I have managed to kill two in the last 6 months what am I doing wrong. I never water them from above (i know not to do that) but this last one just started wilting on my and the stems went all mushy and now it has died. Does anyone know how I can bring it back to life? I have left it on a cool windowsill out of direct sunlight as I know it prefers this please help. (I promise I am not a plant killer all my other plants are very well) Thanks

2006-11-22 20:54:25 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Home & Garden

2006-11-22 20:54:24 · 7 answers · asked by Red Yeti 5 in Polls & Surveys

I'm not saying all I said almost all! Even if they heared some negative news about McDonalds.. Gets?

2006-11-22 20:54:12 · 23 answers · asked by aNGie 2 in Fast Food

2006-11-22 20:54:02 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality