All categories - 31 August 2006

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.

Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ***."

The rest is history...

2006-08-31 20:19:20 · 28 answers · asked by Sangy . 4 in Jokes & Riddles

you can only steal up to $1,000 and you can only strip everybody completely naked. Which would you choose and why?

2006-08-31 20:19:08 · 12 answers · asked by stephanie 1 in Polls & Surveys

1-Cut all contact with your family forever?
2-Agree to test an experimental drug when there was a 10% chance you would die within a year?
3-Play a part in a porn movie that would be widely distributed?
4-One of the following:
Gain 50 pounds and keep it on for life.
Falsely accuse a co-worker of sexual harassment.
Jump naked into a dumpster full of dead hamsters
5-One of the following:
Sleep with your best friend's spouse.
Play 1 spin of Russian roulette with an 8-chamber pistol.
Spend 3 hours in a giant vat of human excrement.
6-Get a sex change?
7-Cut off your finger?
8-Have sex in a place of worship?
9-Give false testimony under oath if the only repercussion were that your testimony would bankrupt an insurance company?
10-Would you spend an entire day manning a kissing booth in a maximum security prison?

http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/million.html

2006-08-31 20:19:05 · 17 answers · asked by Ashley 3 in Other - Family & Relationships

Mexican men: They can look like millionaires, but be rapist gangsters. they can look normal, and whistle at you wen u walk down the street. wen i was 12, i was walking my dog, and a group of mexican men in their car whistled and honked at me. what are these peoples problems?

2006-08-31 20:19:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Immigration

2006-08-31 20:19:02 · 14 answers · asked by That Guy Drew 6 in Religion & Spirituality

I'm reading this book called "Natural Cures" by Kevin Trudeau and in it he makes a reference to a man named Earl Nightingale. He say's that that Nightingale made the claim that you become what you think about. Trudeau then say's that fat people constantly think about their weight, which creates the undesired result of being overweight. How is this possible? Just thinking that you will be fat makes you fat? Is that why I see my face as fat ever since I quit smoking, yet nobody else agrees?

2006-08-31 20:19:01 · 12 answers · asked by Ryan H 2 in Mental Health

I made a lasagne last night for my tea (home made) and couldn't get to sleep because I was itching, managed to drift off, but woke at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep because the itching was unbearable, could it be the food I cooked?

2006-08-31 20:18:57 · 21 answers · asked by Brunettebeauty 2 in Skin Conditions

2006-08-31 20:18:17 · 25 answers · asked by jay 1 in Singles & Dating

2006-08-31 20:18:14 · 18 answers · asked by serinitylashae 1 in Pregnancy

2006-08-31 20:18:03 · 8 answers · asked by chopperdoc100mph 2 in Motorcycles

When I was 21 I had to give my second child up for adoption because I was already a single mother of one working two jobs living on my own and paying my own bills ( no state help) The father decided he didn't want to be a father anymore, which is fine I know I did the right thing and I don't regret it because his family is awesome. I am now married had a baby now two, got fixed after her birth. I want to adopt but my feelings are mixed, I want to be able to give a life a second chance but I don't want a baby I want a child who is one or older. I guess my question is I am worried that when my son who was adopted if he ever wishes to contact me. What he might think of me having more children. I am confused. If anyone can tell me what my problem is please tell me because I can't figure it out. I don't know if I am scared and want to save a life for him or did I really go wrong with putting him up for adoption.

2006-08-31 20:18:02 · 12 answers · asked by medevilqueen 4 in Other - Pregnancy & Parenting

My Husband has tried explaining it to me, but I'm still having a hard time understanding it. I really want to though! Is there anyone out there who can explain it laymans terms for me? It seems fascinating....

2006-08-31 20:17:43 · 7 answers · asked by aht12086 2 in Physics

according to her x-ray. my mother had a pnuemonia. She has been coughing for 3 months and when she consulted the doctor, they said she a pneumonia and now she's admitted to our local hospital. She is 57 years old and a public gradeschool teacher..

Hope to hear from you asap...
thanks!

2006-08-31 20:17:43 · 9 answers · asked by aj 1 in Respiratory Diseases

2006-08-31 20:17:38 · 11 answers · asked by teuca s 2 in Security

Its 3:15 am here, I'm outty. goodnite

2006-08-31 20:17:35 · 12 answers · asked by Tapout 4 in Polls & Surveys

2006-08-31 20:17:28 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Physics

Why are you so angry?
why do you feel the need to be hateful?
if you have a religion what does it teach you?
if you dont have a religion or a faith please tell me why?
anger spreads like wild fire, but love and kindness can also spread if your kind to just one person that brings them the feeling of joy then that person is in a good mood and passes it on to the next person and so on. I'm asking these questions so ill have a better understanding of people. i bet behind all the anger is a good person waiting to come out. what gets me is people putting down other people because of their religion or lack of religion a good person is a good person no matter what they believe. and the same goes for the evil people

2006-08-31 20:17:27 · 17 answers · asked by unitedfaith 4 in Religion & Spirituality

What to you call a dinosaur with piles?



Answer. Mega-saur-***

2006-08-31 20:17:26 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

2006-08-31 20:17:25 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Food & Drink

But I am able to visualize the inner working of a cell, I can "see" synapses working, I can see protein pumps working with protons in order to create ATP. But I just cant do the same with Math. I am a biologist, junior year in college. I think it may be because I was never brought up on actually visualizing and using a number line. What do you think?

2006-08-31 20:17:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Mathematics

i have asked many questions about the contradictions in the Koran some have been explained...and others people always come up with the same answer..."in arabic"...so does that mean if you don't understand arabic you really can't be a muslim...because you truely can't grasp the arabic language...and if that is true...why is allah so narrow minded about being understood only in one language...i don't have to read the Bible in Hebrew or Greek in order to understand what God means...i just don't get it...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmqMMJRb8DhX8ui89Zsq8frsy6IX?qid=20060830064334AAF0iV4

2006-08-31 20:17:17 · 21 answers · asked by turntable 6 in Religion & Spirituality

2006-08-31 20:17:15 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - Pets

2006-08-31 20:17:10 · 8 answers · asked by smilingontime 6 in Languages

I'm meeting a very old friend for lunch next weeks. I haven't seen her for 10 years. I'll be taking my son with me. I don't want to look my usual mumsy self, but still want to look like I haven't made a big effort? Any ideas? On a limited budget?

2006-08-31 20:17:06 · 20 answers · asked by hadjama 2 in Fashion & Accessories

2006-08-31 20:17:04 · 5 answers · asked by missy 1 in Fashion & Accessories

and wht is advantage and usess of ST?

2006-08-31 20:16:51 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Software

carbon + oxygen gives ?

2006-08-31 20:16:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Chemistry

2006-08-31 20:16:49 · 13 answers · asked by The Disappearing Act 2 in Fashion & Accessories

2006-08-31 20:16:46 · 11 answers · asked by DikkiJones 3 in Dental