Psychology - March 2007

There was a four year old child in my state who was unwanted, mistreated, beaten and abused from the time he was born until the time he was finally beaten to death. No one in this family ever loved this child. It made me so sad. I thought to myself, and I still think, that it would have been better for him if he had never been born. If all he was going to know in his short life was pain and suffering, what was the point?

I am SERIOUSLY struggling with this thought and would appreciate answers that were thoughtful and honest, not bombastic.

2007-03-23 13:32:04 · 13 answers · asked by Julia Sugarbaker 7

2007-03-23 13:30:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

How did it affect your life and relationships? Did you tell your bf/gf/spouse? After how long did you wait to tell him/her? How did you deal with everything, did you get counselling?





For anyone who read my previous questions about being molested, here is what has happened since then:
-I told my parents in December and we went to the police right away
-he admitted it, and to molesting several other girls
-the other girls were questioned and confirmed everything I said, even about the pictures on the computer
-there is so much evidence against him that I will not have to testify
-his wife and daughter still remain friends with us, she thanked us
-the cat died
-one girl said it had happened last spring, so it really was ongoing

2007-03-23 13:27:38 · 9 answers · asked by epitome of innocence 5

I've been having bad dreams ever since I can remember, and I seem to get them more than I've heard anybody else get them before. I've screamed, cried, had panic attacks, and have felt in pain after my dreams. I try looking up things on the internet and asking people what my dreams mean, but nobody can figure out. I just want to know why I have such a bad reaction to bad dreams, and why I have so many. Whenever I had a good dream though, it's all mythical and fantasy related. 19/20 of my good dreams or bad dreams could never happen in real life. Is there something wrong with me? If you want some examples of my good and bad dreams, I'll tell you them, it may really help. So please, help...

2007-03-23 13:23:53 · 7 answers · asked by ^__^ 3

2007-03-23 13:22:41 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

What causes it, and what really happens?

2007-03-23 13:20:41 · 12 answers · asked by Leo 3

when everything you think comes out of your mouth without filtering.................like thoughtless, mean, assumptions for instance.

2007-03-23 13:19:40 · 6 answers · asked by Dino 3

I had a dream last night... The main thing that was happening is there was a ghost in this house, I started performing some sort of cleansing or exorsism ritual on the house to get rid of the ghost.

Prior to that there was a guy with a machine gun, he was angry & he shot into the roof, & accidently killed someone....

After I did the cleansing on the house, a guy who was there, or helping me, asked me to dance & I did but I was scared my boyfriend might see.... What does all this mean??

2007-03-23 13:17:08 · 7 answers · asked by idk 3

Hi,
I need to work on my communication skills:
[1] One feedback I get from people off and on is that I dont speak loudly. Actually when I am engrossed in myself (which often is the case), thinking deeply abt sth, feeling bad abt sth, and I speak in my normal tone, I end up speaking not very inaudibly, without realizing that I am really being inaudible. Can I do sth abt it? Being a computer savy, is there some software etc, using which I can analyze my voice - frequency,loudness etc.. Is there sth I can do with my throat to make my natural voice loud, and clear.
[2] Also, my english pronounication is not very fluent and smooth flowing, and soft - infact it could be somewhat rustic. I guess, there is a grammer of speaking, which maintains some kind of balance in your speaking, some fillers etc which maintains the flow. For ex, if I am right, Americans tend to emphasize their middle syllable etc. How do I improve my speaking. How do I practice my speaking?

2007-03-23 13:14:24 · 6 answers · asked by learner 1

Do you know how it infulences your life and why you hate, be it someone or something.

2007-03-23 13:12:30 · 2 answers · asked by singscale 2

It seems like i always have de ja vu and when i have a dream in the next week it usually happens!What is going on?

2007-03-23 13:12:24 · 6 answers · asked by Kerri B 2

If you were a smoker, and a police man/woman came over and told you all the bad things that can happen to you how would you react? Would you be frightened, ignore them, listen, stop smoking, etcetera. Please explain your reasoning.

2007-03-23 13:09:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a dilemma, my mother evicted 8 mnths ago who also has a severe mental illness was being looked after by the council who homed her, now they are saying they will put her on the street because she has equity, the prob is, i just found out today that the house was sold and we knew nothing about it, of course there is a surplus, they never contacted anyone, despite the social worker being actively involved and them having her number,and mothers permission, nor me whose adress they had and consent to talk to me letter.
Mum is schizophrenic, and i need to know ho wcan I stop the council placing her on the street and not paying her room. She is unable to work , and merely spends days sitting alone not talking or anything, the social worker says they were told they need to cut their budget and mother will not be a responsability to them any more.how cani challenge this? help. I am unable to take mum on as i am pregnant with one son already and live in a studio

2007-03-23 13:05:43 · 4 answers · asked by FLAVIA D 2

what mental condition did he have..................what are the symptoms

2007-03-23 13:04:32 · 1 answers · asked by Dino 3

Doesn't it make African Americans seem stupid? I don't believe that African Americans are "genetically inferior" because I score higher than my Asian and white classmates. Just because many African Americans have low IQ's doesn't mean all of us have low IQ’s. I believe it’s all environmental.

http://iq-test.learninginfo.org/iq03.htm...
http://www.nyu.edu/gsas/dept/philo/facul...
http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/l-inferior...

2007-03-23 12:52:53 · 17 answers · asked by lorrnae 3

I am afraid that there are cameras in the bathroom.
In the toilet, in the shower, and in the air vent.
So When i use the bathroom i get very uncomfortable.
What is wrong with me?!

2007-03-23 12:47:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

People have different personality traits and attributes, and sometimes, you have for instance a great husband or mother or other, but they have this one thing that bothers everyone, even they get in trouble because of it (IE. lack of religiosity, being nervous, hard to live with etc...)

Can we change those people? Can we, with wisdom, patience or something else, really help them be better themselves? Or is changing others IMPOSSIBLE?


I'd love to see thoughtful answers.. Thank you

2007-03-23 12:46:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

so ok i didnt fall off of a horse i sliped off and my keep telling me to be carefull becaues i might get kicked in the head or kick off and never walk again i believe thats why i fear sometimes horses BUT I NEVER DID untill my mom told me all this can yall help with working this out i dont mind my mom telling to becareful but it just getts me to think things THANKS

2007-03-23 12:46:24 · 5 answers · asked by JXSPhoenix 1

. . . that my cat would die. I saw myself crying in my room, writing her name and the date that she died, which was two days later. Two days after I had that dream, my cat /did/ die. And last night, I had a dream in which I saw my bestfriend dead on the floor and I saw that I had a knife in my hand. Now I'm terrified of my dreams, and I really don't know what to do. I've have many premonitions, and /most/ of them have come true. I don't want to lose her, much less be her assasin. I wish I knew if that dream will come true soon or not, but I don't. Can anyone help me, please? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

2007-03-23 12:45:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any chemicals? or anything? jusssst wondering.

2007-03-23 12:43:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

And what else will I forget when I grow older? And if you forget is it as if it never happened? Will none of the things you saw or thought or dreamed matter?

Well I'm not just talking about me...more like everyone in the world. I've always wondered about these questions.

2007-03-23 12:43:05 · 2 answers · asked by Duchess of Cookieshire 6

an optimistic attitude about life in general.......?

What are some ways to think better about life .( besides religious beliefs ??)

2007-03-23 12:41:13 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Infact come to that, how do we know what we call life is actually being alive - other than knowing when others are dead - what frame of reference do we have or is death frame of reference enough?

Please those of a religious disposition or members of the Moral Coward Society i.e. those not supplying contact info for a possible counter-answer - please could you resist the temptation to answer.

You religious lot are supposed resist temptation anyway!
So don't do it - you hear!!!

Thank you in advance for your co-operation!

2007-03-23 12:37:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-23 12:35:54 · 40 answers · asked by james t 1

2007-03-23 12:27:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you consider to be an ugly person? Nose shape? Eye shape? Hair style? What characterizes an ugly person to you? Is it physical or in their personality?

2007-03-23 12:23:09 · 15 answers · asked by ♥ 1

2007-03-23 12:22:54 · 11 answers · asked by inSane 2

2007-03-23 12:16:59 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Has your spouse done something so horrendous that it has
ripped your marriage apart and made you question the very
foundation of your relationship?

Are you in a place right now where you are wondering
whether or not you can ever forgive this offense and
move on with your marriage?

Perhaps your partner has been regularly lying to you about
your financial situation, and has put your family in jeopardy
by doing so. Maybe he or she verbally attacked you one or more
times, and you don't feel like you can get past the awful
words that were spoken.

Or maybe the worst has happened, and your spouse broke your
marital vows, had an affair, and crushed you emotionally as a
result.

In situations like these I find most people come to a point
where they ask themselves: Can I ever forgive my spouse?
Will I ever be able to open my heart to this person again, and
move on with our relationship.

The question is a perfectly legitimate one, in no small part
because the concept of forgiving is so complex.

What does it mean to forgive someone? Do you have to forget
in order to forgive? And what if you can't simply "forgive"
your spouse and move on with your marriage? What does that
mean about you and your relationship.

In this article I am going to explore answers to some of these
questions, and will offer you an alternative definition of forgiveness--
one that will show you a different path for moving forward with
your marriage.

What Does it Mean to "Forgive"?

For a lot of people the very concept of "forgiving" is overwhelming.
I think this is largely due to the fact that in our culture there is
a fairly specific definition for what it means to forgive. Unfortunately,
for a lot of people this definition is unrealistic and nearly impossible
to achieve.

I think for most people in our culture the idea of "forgiveness" is
almost a holy act. It's supposed to happen in a single moment; a
moment of revelation where you open your heart to another person
in an act of the purest, most selfless compassion and restore the
relationship to its former level.

For example, I once heard a story about a mother and father whose
daughter was murdered. At some point after the terrible crime,
this couple went to prison, met with their daughter's killer, and
forgave him.

To be perfectly honest with you, this is not a kind of forgiveness
I understand.

In my experience the meaning of this forgiveness and the cultural
support it receives from examples like the one I just noted sets up
an unrealistic expectation for people who have suffered from
a trauma inflicted by another person and are trying to move forward.

As a result people often judge themselves when they can't seem to
forgive people who have hurt them the way the two parents in the
example above were able to forgive their daughter's murderer. They
seem to feel like they are not as "good" as people like this.

But in my experience, forgiveness is a very complicated and personal
subject. Everyone moves forward in different ways, especially when
they are trying to reconcile with people who have hurt them.

It is especially complicated when the person who has hurt you is
your spouse--the one person on Earth you are supposed
to trust above and beyond anyone else.

Another example might help to make this point clear.

Let's say Jeff and Sally have been happily married for many years ...
or at least that's what Sally thought. She has been going through her
days thinking that her husband Jeff loves her and is completely faithful
to her. They have children, and they have built what seems to be a
beautiful life together. Sally thinks everything is wonderful.

Then one day Jeff comes home and drops a bomb on Sally.

He tells her that he has been having an affair for more than
a year. He expresses regret. He cries. He even begs for Sally's
forgiveness. But Sally is emotionally crushed. The world she
felt safe in has been torn apart, and the man she thought she knew
has turned out to be a liar and a cheater.

In this situation is Sally simply supposed to "forgive" her husband?
Is she supposed to have some experience where she realizes in the
blink of an eye that she can open up to him again; that she can trust
him again?

Imagine all of the questions this must raise for Sally. What if she
forgives Jeff and he betrays her trust again? What if she exposes
herself to more pain by doing this? And what if she simply can't
forget what has happened, and forgive him the way those
magnanimous parents did in the story above? How is she supposed
to move on with her marriage?

Over and over again, I see people who have this kind of experience,
and I think the questions these people ask about forgiving are
legitimate.

I am not saying those parents were wrong or disingenuous. I
am sure those parents were sincere in the forgiveness they
offered. I'm just saying that this kind of forgiveness is not
something I understand, and it's not something I think is
useful for all people.

In fact, I think it can be detrimental for couples who have suffered
through an affair and are trying to move forward with their marriage.
The injured person thinks he or she is supposed to be able to "forgive"
his or her spouse this way, and when that can't happen the person
feels stuck, and, in some cases, judges himself or herself harshly,
complicating an already difficult situation.

When I work with clients I try to get them to move toward a different
kind of forgiveness than the one typically promoted by our culture.
This form of forgiveness is more practical. It requires work. And it
focuses on the concept of acceptance. Let me explain
what I mean.

Acceptance: An Alternative to Forgiveness

Acceptance is defined as the "willingness or ability to tolerate"
some event in your life. This step--accepting that the terrible
events that have happened in your marriage have in fact
happened--is the first thing you need to do if you are going
to move on with your relationship.

That doesn't mean you have to like what happened. You probably
hate what happened. But you have to accept that it occurred, and
you have to accept the feelings that come along with it if you are
going to move forward.

Let's go back to the example of Jeff and Sally above. When Sally
learned about Jeff's affair, she was emotionally destroyed. She wanted to
move forward and try to save her marriage, but she just couldn't forgive
Jeff for what he did.

Sally didn't have to forgive Jeff at when she found out, because she
wouldn't feel it in her heart.

What Sally did have to do was accept the reality that Jeff
had the affair and accept her feelings about the situation and about Jeff.

If Sally is able to do this, then she can move forward with her relationship
(assuming of course Jeff is willing to put some real work into changing
his character and repairing the breach in trust he created). Once Sally accepts
what has happened and her feelings about it, the opportunity exists to heal
the pain and create a better marriage.

In fact, acceptance is the first in a series of steps that ultimately have
the power to move you toward forgiveness in a practical way. Forgiveness
doesn't have to come in a single revelatory moment. It can
be the outcome of specific steps leading to recovery.

These steps include:

* Exploring your own feelings, and learning how
to cope with and manage them more effectively

* Rebuilding the trust in your marriage

* Communicating your pain to your partner and acquiring
an appropriate and complete apology

* Getting over images and obsessive thoughts about the
event that created your pain

You can work through each of these steps in practical and effective
ways.

The result?

If you work through each step properly, in time the overwhelming
emotions that you are experiencing right now will move to the back
of your mind. You won't experience them nearly as much, and when
you do they will be less intense. The feelings will start to fade as you
rebuild your marriage and get over the pain that has been created.

At this point you will move toward forgiveness. It won't happen
in a single moment. Instead it will take time, energy, investment,
a real commitment, and work. AND, a demonstration by your partner
that he or she has made real changes. But it can happen.

This is a different kind of forgiving. It is one that is built on practical
steps you can take to heal your relationship. It's a style of forgiving
that allows you to have your feelings and still move forward with your
marriage. It's a forgiving that happens more naturally as the emotions
you have fade to the background and you move on with your life.

If you do the work you need to do to heal your relationship and make
it better than ever you can experience this kind of forgiveness.

You will know in retrospect when it has happened. One day you
will realize that your emotions and memories of the awful circumstances
have moved to the back of your mind, and you will realize it is okay to
move on again. These are the hallmarks of my definition of forgiveness.

But the whole process starts with acceptance. That's the key. That's
the starting point.

2007-03-23 12:08:37 · 2 answers · asked by carenffb 2

I am wondering why people find it so hard to forgive things when life is so short not to mention boring

2007-03-23 12:04:45 · 18 answers · asked by curious female.... 3