Senior Citizens

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.
"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns
are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have
always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win
the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and
the voice of God Himself thunders:
"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

2007-11-24 09:11:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He un - wrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife
He then carefully counted out the French fries,dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple -
all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

2007-11-24 08:50:02 · 35 answers · asked by ? 5

When coming from people who have never had any really bad luck or serious problems in their lives? Usually these people either have no children, or if they do they are still just babies who are too young yet to have "made their own bed",

Am I the only one who finds this extremely offensive and insulting when somones says this?

Is a person who develops MS in their 40's is somehow responsible? Or a women beaten senseless and raped?
A business man who is ruined when the bottom drops out of the economy somehow did something to cause that to happen? A health care worker who is stuck by a needle? The people in the Trade Tower? A child who is hit by a car and left a quad? would you say these people "made their own beds?"

Do these self righteous jerks think they are Gods chosen because they have had no bad luck or illness?

What does one say to such a narrow minded self righteous unchristian jerk when they throw out such a horrible cruel comment to less fortunate people?

2007-11-24 08:46:27 · 13 answers · asked by isotope2007 6

2007-11-24 08:34:23 · 55 answers · asked by Aloha_Ann 7

Arguably, Oprah and Howard Stern are examples of current cultural icons.

2007-11-24 08:29:36 · 11 answers · asked by LUCKY 4

Like through text messages and your brain can talk to you soul, both the brain and your soul could give you one option each for getting your internal organs back into peak condition. The brain says while there are certain risks and will cost an arm and a leg and while medical advances have come a long way both good and bad, go with the medical profession. But your soul says for the good of not only your internal organs but you body entire go with an herbalist who is known world wide and you won't have to spend tons of money, which you you choose to use, your brain or your soul?

2007-11-24 08:20:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-24 08:12:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Same old deserted island-only with electricity- You get to take 1.one book (besides the Bible)
2.one CD
3.one DVD

What would they be?

2007-11-24 08:00:04 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

What trait would that be?

2007-11-24 07:58:36 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

These are characters in an English sit-com, which is shown nightly, in the US and Canada, on PBS. Hyacinth, Richard's wife, is a particularily obnoxious, pretentious woman who makes poor Richard's life somewhat difficult. Elisabeth is a very thoughtful and understanding woman who lives next door, and quite often sympathizes with Ricahrd. The show is a comedy, has anybody watched it?

2007-11-24 07:44:52 · 16 answers · asked by TRAF 4

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by wh=res all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

2007-11-24 07:37:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were forced to have that voice inside your head changed for a month, and it had to be one of these people, who whould you choose?

Rosie Perez
Fran Drescher
Gilbert Gottfried
Paris Hilton
Rachel Ray

2007-11-24 07:37:22 · 22 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

2007-11-24 07:34:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-24 07:33:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Myself, definitely. Luckily the sentence is to be sentenced to associate with other like minded weirdos.

2007-11-24 07:33:25 · 24 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

2007-11-24 07:26:04 · 24 answers · asked by judy b 4

Thank you to all you showed for the celebrations at MacTealc Towers - The Big Mac and myself had a wonderful time and we hope you did too!

However - on our return to The Towers we have had to face the saddest news .............. our dear chook Hetti has been removed!

We thought at first it may have been that she flew the coop to escape the shenannigans that spilled out from the Big Hoose ......... the owner of the HUGE motor bike dressed in all the Bling was causing a great kerfuffle whilst impersonating John Travolta in the fountain!

But no - it would seem the most unthinkable has actually happened.

We received dear Hettie's best tail feathers in the post this morning with instruction that we should not contact the police or the fowl authoritieis.

Do you have any clues ? Who could do such a thing? And what price for the return of our dearest friend and chicken - Hettie?

And if you have her - PLEASE DONT EAT HER - she would be tough as old ostrich anyway!

2007-11-24 07:15:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think most of know where there is one special house or
street of lights that stands out each year. Or a store window
with animated figures that are delightful. What's going on in
your city or town? And what is the name of your town?

2007-11-24 07:09:57 · 5 answers · asked by Lynn 7

Which one would you go with?

Ellen D
Oprah
Jerry Springer
Conan O'Brian
Dr. Phil

2007-11-24 07:06:38 · 37 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

2007-11-24 07:06:19 · 13 answers · asked by hk 2

With gas prices as high as they're climbing, they'll probably
be up 5c more by then. If you're staying home, what's the plan?
Some people like to have an open house, where people come
on New Years Day. That would save YOUR gas problem and
still be socializing.

2007-11-24 07:04:54 · 29 answers · asked by Lynn 7

Do you have a ritual you follow when opening presents. Is there
one person who always wants to be 'last'? That's me!
And who hates packing everything into the car late at night to
go back home? Especially if temps are freezing.

2007-11-24 07:00:39 · 33 answers · asked by Lynn 7

....right now? I mean a current song not one from the old days.
Mine is " Lost Without You" by Robin Thicke.

2007-11-24 06:57:24 · 14 answers · asked by Eve 5

without having complications?

2007-11-24 06:49:50 · 27 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

....piece of furniture in your home? And, your favorite room. Why?

2007-11-24 06:47:47 · 15 answers · asked by Eve 5

2007-11-24 06:46:54 · 28 answers · asked by Wickwire 5

....what is it like where you are? (It is in the upper 40's with a supposed high today of 51 which is freezing to us here. It was 80 only a few days ago.)

2007-11-24 06:43:29 · 11 answers · asked by Eve 5

My most recent question, along with a ridiculous story, was a little 'too informal', and, I'm sure, some folks found it somewhat odious (maybe even odorous).
"I must apologize, and from now on I will try to keep my flatulent stories to myself."

By the way, the question was ingloriously removed by the powers that be.

2007-11-24 06:38:58 · 8 answers · asked by TRAF 4

if you looked the word inane in the dictionary?

2007-11-24 06:27:39 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am getting better and more patience, but when I go to buy fresh green beans, I just grab a handful and put it in the plastic bag and go. Lately, I seem to get the ones who individually inspect and pick each bean. Ugh. But I am getting better at not getting upset. Really

2007-11-24 06:23:52 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous