What do you think of the expression "you made your own bed"?

Question

When coming from people who have never had any really bad luck or serious problems in their lives? Usually these people either have no children, or if they do they are still just babies who are too young yet to have "made their own bed",

Am I the only one who finds this extremely offensive and insulting when somones says this?

Is a person who develops MS in their 40's is somehow responsible? Or a women beaten senseless and raped?
A business man who is ruined when the bottom drops out of the economy somehow did something to cause that to happen? A health care worker who is stuck by a needle? The people in the Trade Tower? A child who is hit by a car and left a quad? would you say these people "made their own beds?"

Do these self righteous jerks think they are Gods chosen because they have had no bad luck or illness?

What does one say to such a narrow minded self righteous unchristian jerk when they throw out such a horrible cruel comment to less fortunate people?

My friend went to her mother, two black eyes and a broken arm, two little kids and asked if she could stay there until she could get a job, get back on her feet again and her mother said" you made your bed, you lie it it, go home to your husband where you belong" and threw her out - THIS is what I am taklking about, FYI the jerks who answered here I am NOT talking about someone saying it to me -

Mr Ed your reply here in no way jibes with what your profile says - you just say anything that will insult other posters, which is your MO on here

Top contributor often means a person with a huge number of points because they have no life and spend all their time on yahoo insulting people - its a troll who hasnt been banned yet like the Mr Ed who is not dedicating his life to "sharing his esteemed wisdom" as his profile says by insulting the members on seniors

Answer 1

It is an expression that relates to "choices". When people, after listening to good advise, go their own way, and make their choice.

That is how I always understood it.

Certainly not referring to people who are by circumstances, beyond their control, disabled or harmed in any way. Used in that context, it would be inappropriate, and down right insensitive and cruel.

And sometimes Mr Ed's answers leave me "gobsmacked", and from a top contributer. What yardstick do the measure the so called "top contibuters" by?

Answer 2

I have seldom ever used that expression unless it was a question...You made your own bed?...in response to my children saying their room was clean. But I must say that the expression is no worse than name calling: "...self righteous unchristian jerk..." My, my. And I must say that everyone, in general, does not make it through life unscathed in some manner...."no bad luck or serious problems", "no children", "too young". As for offensive and insulting, it depends on the context and manner in which it was said.

Answer 3

It sort of looks like you are comparing apples to dill pickles. The only time I heard this expression used was when someone was talking about a person that spent every dime they had on b s and then ended up desitute--by their own actions. I have been without a roof, food or transportation and a job. I made it and not one person said it was because I made my own bed.

Answer 4

It's a very self-righteous thing to say, and should only be used in a friendly, jocular way about a minor mistake made by a friend or relation. Or to someone you really do not like in a heated argument.

Answer 5

Sorry I dont know what to think of your statement. I have no children by choice, but I have raised at least 5 that belonged to other people. You would not believe the hard times I have lived with, but never, ever have I used this cruel phrase to another human. I am not sure what experience you have had with childless women but please dont put me in that lump of clay. I have never made fun of the diasbled and never will.

So shall we just agree to disagree?

Answer 6

Hi, Isotope...yes, I have heard people use that expression. Most notable of them was the man who lived next door, talking to his daughter who married at 16, found herself pregnant with twins at 18, and was not emotionally capable of caring for herself let alone them.

"You made your own bed, now lie in it" was especially reprehensible coming from him, as he had been molesting that girl (and her brother) from the time they were infants. SHE did not make that bed, HE DID, but he had her convinced that it was all HER fault.

The outcome? Her twins were eventually adopted by her husband's Aunt. The marriage broke up when the trial of her father began--he was being charged by the "state" for raping his son's seven year old daughter. And the mother of the twins, when last heard of, was working as a prostitute in Jamaica to finance her boyfriend, a local gangsta.

Answer 7

And what do you say to a woman with five children by four different men, no job due to a lack of education other than you have made your bed now lay in it.
There are consequences to the choices we make in life.
Most of your examples are not valid as they are not self inflicted wounds made by decisions.

Answer 8

Well, truthfully, no one has ever, ever accused me of that one...I have never made a bed in my life, nor am I going to start...no sooner is a bed made than it is messed up again....such a waste of time!
YOu will find, in life, the only people who say this kind of stuff are those who nasty stuff hasn't happened to .......yet! Trust me, everyone, someday, somehow, somewhere will have nasty stuff hit them when they least expect it. I have been hit so bad it took years to get back up, but I never gave up...and as for those who said, "you .....lie in it" were not my friends when they came a knocking for help when it happened to them! AND IT DID happen to them...it is called Karma. Don' t screw with Karma! She is one nasty woman to cross (must be a woman, men don't hold grudges that long :-) Phil

Answer 9

i take issue -- i use that expression all the time == for everyone of the ms or other sick folks there are 1000 able body folks who use sickness a ruse!!! the same way with folk in business -- most who lost in bad times were bad business men in good times they just was able to hang on because the boom kept them in the black -- same way with luck -- i do not believe in it -- when we roof our house and end up with nails in our tires is it bad luck or poor policing on our part for not picking up all of the nails or when my stock gets out is in my bad luck or poor fencing!!! so i guess i am what you call a "self righteous jerk" but i do claim to be god!!!

edit == yes i always answer in the blind -- for goldwind -- i was born and raise dirt poor == shot and knife a few times while in the service and spend my time recovering from various broken bones and as adult went to bed hungry and spend a lot of holidays along and broke so don't lump everyone who uses this term was born with a gold spoon in there mouth -- i think most of us say it out of own experience!!!!

Answer 10

Actually, I've never heard those words used in the context you have mentioned. And it's always been when someone has disobeyed what common sense has told them would be a risky situation, at best.

Besides, my Mom always told me "Be careful what you say because someday you may have to eat your words". It's served me in good stead.