Senior Citizens

i found it on yahoo answers
One day Three men were walking
along and came upon a raging, violent
river. They needed to get to the other
side, but had no idea of how to do it.

The first man prayed to GOD saying,
"Please GOD, give me the strength to
cross this river." POOF!!
GOD gave him big arms and strong legs
and he was able to swim across the
river in about 3 hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to GOD
saying, "Please GOD, give me the strength to
and ability to cross this river. POOF!!
GOD gave him a rowboat and he was able
to row across the river in about one hour.

The third man had seen how this worked out for
the other two, so he prayed to GOD saying,
"Please GOD, give me the strength, ability,
and intelligence to cross this river."

POOF!!

GOD turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, then
walked across the bridge.

2007-11-21 04:19:22 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. I have absolutely no idea where my wallet is. (Or pants... but that's a long story).
2. I believe that dancing with my arms over head and my butt wiggling while yelling woo-hoo is truly the sexiest dance move around.
3. I've suddenly decide I want to kick someone's *** and honestly believe I could do it too.
4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.
5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine on the floor (which I'm eating even though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.
6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooo much.
7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.
8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.
9. The person I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.
12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.
13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me lemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the gin.
14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.
15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.
17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.
19. I begin leaving the button's open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the washroom away from my drink.
20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having problems walking straight.

2007-11-21 04:14:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Now that I have a few years on me (40+ to be precise), here's
what I have discovered:


* I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart


* I started out with nothing, still have most of it
* My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran
* Funny, I don't remember being absent minded
* All reports are in. Life is officially unfair
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser
* Some days you're the dog, some days your the hydrant


* I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few.....


* Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the
back seat cause kids
* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't
been anywhere
* Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you
are in the bathroom
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them
on my knees
*When I am finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?

2007-11-21 04:09:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

She will give loud, gushy compliments on something but then when complimentee? (one to whom she gave compliment) is gone, will comment on how ugly the blouse/shoes really were or how unattractive the hair style really was. I'm often on the receiving end of these compliments (as are most of our mutual friends) and have heard her in action so I know that she will make sarcastic comment as soon as I'm gone. I've tried to be gracious and accept the compliment as though I thought it was sincere and I've also tried to avoid her but she's a close neighbor and it's difficult. I'm tempted to just say, "Cut the crap" but I hate to cause discord in our small community. Any suggestions?

2007-11-21 04:05:40 · 18 answers · asked by Just Hazel 6

I am off tomorrow for at least a year .
and would like to thank all of you that i have comonicated with over the last month .i am going to see love ones in Astrailia.as you can see i have had my hair done and a face lift. i dont surpose this is normal to write these things , but hay who care i am off , so take care to all your are a wonderful bunch of folk luv to you all Patricalxx

2007-11-21 03:43:27 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Iam going away tomorrow for a year could someone please tell how i can get off this web site, please. as you can see i have had my hair done luv to all. Patrical x

2007-11-21 02:57:57 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

in here, why does it say uk and Ireland only if it does not mean UK and Ireland.?I used to watch my brother on Q&A, and I got to know you all especially the one from CA who went about reporting everyone. I think that Lady was born with a microchip in her head, that kept repeating the word guidelines.
I think you know who she is, anyway we have a lot of different words to you, words that you have a different meaning for. And if we say our own words we could get reported by that yank which she has done before whereas no one would report you in the UK because they would know what the word means.

2007-11-21 02:48:33 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did I do that I am not allowed to read or answer your questions?

2007-11-21 02:48:09 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-21 02:32:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Something from your childhood or an exwife?
My Grandmother made the best dressing, ham, potato salad and many other dishes. My husband was born in California and he doesn't appreciate all things southern. I prepare my dressing/stuffing just like Grandmother. I love dried beans, too. He is more a tomato and pasta kinda guy. But I'm making something for everyone that lives in our house for tomorrow. Plus my daughter is going to make Banana Pudding that is so good it is suppose to make you want to slap your momma.

2007-11-21 01:43:40 · 24 answers · asked by Southern Comfort 6

It is the same ones that are there every day. No offence but is it because they don't like their own site, only asking.

2007-11-20 23:48:22 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

If so what do you do, and what do you say to them without being rude, or are you rude if they get on your nerves.

2007-11-20 23:37:07 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Movies, TV, Books, etc.?

2007-11-20 23:19:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-20 23:02:56 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I got two today, normally would not worry me, but one was a great link to music, and other was an answer with a link to some music. Doesn't this make more sense. That way, if people see anything offensive, adult content, the ones who have worked hard here and contributed a lot, would pick it up anyway.? You comments please.

2007-11-20 23:01:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) A video of Elvis I posted. Big V
2)And a reply from wickwire with ANOTHER link of an Elvis song. And I want to know THAT link. And he is probably still sleeping.

2007-11-20 22:53:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

back in the 1990s the government gave senior citizens awinter fuel allowance of £200.it has never gone up with the rise in gas and electric prices.what is its true value to day

2007-11-20 22:33:37 · 17 answers · asked by ? 4

good morning to you all .
apart from sitting here are you doing anything else today.x

2007-11-20 22:11:33 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was so amazed to see the youngest performer was 56 years old and the oldest was 82!!! It was a terrific show!

2007-11-20 20:15:52 · 3 answers · asked by PBcruzr 4

Joy is unbounded on The Moors in the safe harbour of the walls of MacTealc Towers - and all hands are called to make ready the Great Feast of Reunion!

We must band together to salut the return of our brave leader MacTealc who has returned to bring us security - and who knows what else!!

My heart that is so full of happiness yet - heavy for I have to see the glory of a flyby of the Great Dragons - of all hues! And old faces are still missing - when we were dispersed to the four winds by the evil ones - we lost some of our dearest.

Jilly aka WonderWoman - my rock and friend - where are you?

Let us drown with Glenfiddich the sorrow of the past and party together as of times before!

Send for Goldwing to begin the festivities!

2007-11-20 19:56:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

How it will be?
Then they need not depend on their spouses or sons

2007-11-20 19:51:00 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I like to paint on canvas, or in summer work in my garden.

2007-11-20 18:55:07 · 25 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

2007-11-20 18:50:12 · 23 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

don't we use our reserve from the Alaskan pipeline to make them come down?????????????
I think I know the answer but if many inundated the offices of their congressman with a request to do this maybe we could make a difference. I know I will be using as little as possible in my car and in my heating.

2007-11-20 18:04:58 · 8 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

....go back to a younger age, what age would you choose? Or...would you choose to remain the age you are now??

2007-11-20 17:08:37 · 18 answers · asked by Eve 5

.....running your air conditioner? It is still too warm here near the Gulf ( in Texas) to not have it on. It is supposed to cool off and be 57 degrees Thanksgiving day however.

2007-11-20 17:04:14 · 30 answers · asked by Eve 5

.....the grocery store that you go to most??? I do my shopping at Krogers

2007-11-20 16:57:54 · 25 answers · asked by Eve 5

What language do you wish you could speak??
I speak Spanish and some Italian

2007-11-20 16:49:35 · 21 answers · asked by Eve 5

one to live that has a VA hospital near by? I am a Vet and need to be near a VA hospital and preferably anywhere in the mid west, or mid Texas.

2007-11-20 16:39:07 · 15 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4

have adult child, who has used you for money and only comes around when they want something? My daughter recently married this past Sat. I paid for her wedding,and has now turned against me based on what her in-laws, who she lives with said about me which simple is not true She does have complex partial absent seizures and doesn't even remember her vows...it was sad. She didn't even ask me what happened, just told me what she heard from them. I am shocked, and feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I told her maybe I should just move away and start a new life, and she said that would be a good idea. She has up set the rest of my family by saying that she and her husband will not attend holiday gatherings if I am there, causing drama for all of them too. I just don't get it!

2007-11-20 16:33:20 · 14 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4