have adult child, who has used you for money and only comes around when they want something? My daughter recently married this past Sat. I paid for her wedding,and has now turned against me based on what her in-laws, who she lives with said about me which simple is not true She does have complex partial absent seizures and doesn't even remember her vows...it was sad. She didn't even ask me what happened, just told me what she heard from them. I am shocked, and feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I told her maybe I should just move away and start a new life, and she said that would be a good idea. She has up set the rest of my family by saying that she and her husband will not attend holiday gatherings if I am there, causing drama for all of them too. I just don't get it!
2007-11-20 16:33:20 · 14 answers · asked by Meeshmai 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Thank you for your support.
I do also think she will need me before I need her. Mostly because I am seriously considering moving away, as what I don't know can't hurt me.
2007-11-20 16:41:06 · update #1
Jan: You are right, I guess I just was hoping for the best and thinking she was growing up (26now) I will take your advice. Thank you!
2007-11-20 16:54:03 · update #2
Luvpbr2: Thank you for your answer and will take your advice. She is on medication but needs insurance so that she can get evaluated and hopefully some how stop these seizures. She is on Keppra but it isn't enough. Now that she is married, she will have the insurance to do just that, whether she will is another thing.
2007-11-20 16:56:57 · update #3
Jan G. In my wildest dreams no I can't imagine it. I didn't do this to my parents and didn't raise her this way.
2007-11-20 17:08:39 · update #4
Thank you Might Be, I do plan to stay away, and maybe send them a season greetings. I hope you are right.
2007-11-20 17:23:24 · update #5
Dear Harley, Thank so much for your support, it is comforting. She has been living with the in-laws for 5 years and her now husband. He was suppose to get them a home but it didn't happen yet. She is well dug in there and the in-laws were nice to me till now. I am going to take your advice and enjoy the peace and pursue getting my house finished for sale when the economy is better, and checking out new areas this winter. And this is not the first time she has done this to me, she did it at 18, but I thought that whe had grown up, so yes, it will be on my terms...it has to be as I can't handle this anymore.
2007-11-20 17:28:07 · update #6
Noonacan: Thank you, and I hope things will change for you as well! God Bless! But how do you handle it emotionally?
2007-11-20 17:59:16 · update #7
She could not have hurt you more if she had just ripped your heart out with her bare hands!
Right now you are hurt...don't react without thinking. Just back off from the situation. Don't try to change her mind. Don't even try to see her. I would hope that all relatives that have been told the same lies by her have set her straight?! And also that they have told her that there is NO WAY they are going to exclude YOU from their holiday plans, so it is too bad that she and her new husband can not attend.
Your daughter will eventually come around, or she won't. In the meantime, you can't let her lies affect your own life...you are much more entitled to continue with your life as it is, than SHE is...after all, you have been around for twice as long as she has.
So, why is it that these allegations didn't come up BEFORE you spent so much money on HER wedding?
If what she is saying about you is upsetting you that much, try telling her that you are going to sue her to recover the amount you spent on HER wedding....after all, if YOU are no longer her mother by her wishes, why should you be responsible for the cost of her marriage?
2007-11-20 23:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do feel for you, our kids can bring us so much heart ache.
Thing is you have obviously done your best for her. You have given her all that she needs and more. She has an illness that prevents her from acting in a better way, and you know this.
Now its time for you, she has married and her needs are being met.....You will always think of her but you need to draw a line, if she comes back to you then as a Mother you will welcome her and remind her gently how she has hurt you.
Dont give her anymore money, I would send her mail with photographs, explain how you are enjoying your new life and that she is always welcome for a visit. Just keep the door open for her and enjoy the rest of your family, if she does not want to attend family meetings then she has to live with that.
Unless it suits you to move then stay right where you are, dont be blackmailed into making decisions.
Concentrate all your love and affection on the rest of the family and just pray for your Daughter and her Husband that they may see you differently and realise what they are missing.
2007-11-20 22:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may not remember her vows, but I still think she is in the limelight with a new husband and in laws to baby her. Take a breather and enjoy your time of freedom. Do some things you want to enjoy or learn.If you are serious about moving, start looking for new places to live.Kids can be spoiled brats at any age. I am sure her "newness" will wear off with the in laws and she will come back to you.And, be thinking of a different way to handle your adult married daughter. It should be on your terms not hers.Good Luck. Happy Thanksgiving! And, remember, if you need anyone to talk to, we are here.
2007-11-20 17:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I saw a picture of Raquel Welch not long ago. She's still a wowie. And Cher still looks great. I would much rather be around women nearer my own age than with younger ones. I used to be in a work environment with women of all ages and I preferred the ones I could actually hold a conversation with.
2016-05-24 10:08:25 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I so much know how you feel, and I am so sorry you are going through this too, no Mother should be given this sort of pain from their children, but it happened to me also about 10yrs ago, I was devastated, she did a terrible thing to me, we didn't contact each other for 2 yrs, she because she felt to guilty and I because of the hurt she caused me, we did start speaking to each other again but the family is split now, my other children still dont have anything to do with her and they found it difficult to come to terms that I do now, but have to say even though I hated what she did I do love her dearly, but if I am totally honest I don't think I would have forgiven her if it wasn't for the Grandchildren, she forbid them to see me during the 2 yrs we didn't speak.....I was hearbroken...
I really hope your Daughter comes to her senses before it goes on to long....I am really feeling for you xxx
2007-11-20 23:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ HOPE ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not me, but my some of my husbands children, his sister, brother and some of their kids are like that. They call or visit us when they need money and if they don't get it they will not speak to us for some time. We are dealing with some of this right now. They will say that if it wasn't for "her" (meaning me) then he would give them the money. Thankfully, not everyone in his family is like this. I don't understand it either since my family is not like that. Hopefully things will change.
Edit: Emotionally.... it is difficult to handle. For me I keep reminding myself that they will think what they want to and there really isn't anything I can do to change that. Since I am considered the "outsider" I will naturally be the one they blame. Time can change many things, so don't be discouraged.
2007-11-20 17:46:28 · answer #6 · answered by noonecanne 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If my daughter did that I would feel just as you do. You were too good to her and paid for the wedding and now you get stabbed in the back. I feel for you and think you just need to go on with your life and do what you want to do. She will need you some day and she will need to get down on her knees and ask forgiveness first. Hope she comes around soon.
2007-11-20 23:16:58 · answer #7 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said it in your first sentence she comes around when she needs something, She don't need anything from you right now Can you in your wildest dreams ever think about treating your parent this way?Do your best to ignore her for awhile Just send her Seasons Greetings and pray for her
2007-11-20 16:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by Jan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I haven't had this problem with my daughter, but I know it must be heart breaking. Is your daughter on any medication for her seizures that could be affecting the way she acts and feels towards you? You could tell her your side of things.
All this stress is bound to be unhealthy for both of you, so maybe you'll have to be apart for awhile, until she realizes she does need her mom in her life and comes to you. My best wishes!
2007-11-20 16:51:46 · answer #9 · answered by luvspbr2 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Thankfully Its not happened to me. My son is still at school and my daughter has a good well paid job. But I'm so sorry for whats happened to you, you never know whats just around the corner do you.
2007-11-21 00:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋