She will give loud, gushy compliments on something but then when complimentee? (one to whom she gave compliment) is gone, will comment on how ugly the blouse/shoes really were or how unattractive the hair style really was. I'm often on the receiving end of these compliments (as are most of our mutual friends) and have heard her in action so I know that she will make sarcastic comment as soon as I'm gone. I've tried to be gracious and accept the compliment as though I thought it was sincere and I've also tried to avoid her but she's a close neighbor and it's difficult. I'm tempted to just say, "Cut the crap" but I hate to cause discord in our small community. Any suggestions?
2007-11-21 04:05:40 · 18 answers · asked by Just Hazel 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
I go with "cut the crap." Regardless of the community size, and in fact, the smaller, the better she is known, stand up to her and call her on it...you will gain the respect of those around you, for they all know the same thing about her...this is one of those "self-made important people" we have all grown to just love to avoid. So, what have you go to lose? OR, play her game better than she plays...compliment every rag, every worn out shoe, every ugly scarf she wears...profusely...she will immediately think you are going to cut her to ribbons the minute she leaves the room..the difference is, YOu don't say a word, just go about your business...let her do the worrying.. and do it everytime she comes in the room! Goldwing
2007-11-21 04:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 11⤊ 0⤋
Merle's advise is spot-on!! You can say it in a light-hearted way - but it will hit the nail on the head without sounding too accusatory.
One of the supervisors where I work is like that - as in two-faced, she acts as though you are the most wonderful person, she will offer you and only you, a certain job; at the same time she runs down the management which was the first thing to cause me to wonder about her. Then I realized she does the same with everyone. I'm just very careful now about what I tell her.
2007-11-21 08:50:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She must be one heck of an insecure person to try to get people to like her this way.
Is there some way of letting her know that you disapprove of this behavior without actually wanting to put her down.
So many people must put down a person like her all the time so she is taking desperate, though inappropriate steps to gain approval.
Perhaps when she gets stuck into someone Else you could defend that person. There is nothing like defending those who cannot defend themselves to get admiration from others.You don't have to be nasty about it just say well you differ from her opinion, or if what she says has a teensy bit of truth say something nice about another aspect of that person sort of "well maybe purple hair isn't the best but I do admire her courage in wearing it and she is a nice person"
2007-11-21 06:27:10 · answer #3 · answered by happylady216 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
However you decide to handle it.. just know that you're not the only one to notice this about her.
Those times when she compliments a person in your presence and then talks bad about them when they are gone, I believe I'd have to point it out to her. Maybe it's become so "normal" for her that she doesn't realise how turned off other people are by it.
Personally, I would try to avoid her.
2007-11-21 05:20:05 · answer #4 · answered by Teresa 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who gives a fuc* what she says to others about you. Just as you could decipher her deception and crass comments, others are also taking note.
They too will wonder whether she will do the same to them. So you really don't have to worry or care.
What you could do is wait until she's looking her absolute worst (everyone has a bad day).
And say something like....you look different today....I don't know what it is...ohh...you aren't wearing any make up are you.
Or when you know she's having a bad day or her hair is out of place, say something like....I love your hair...is that the new style.
lol.
Just fuc* with her like she does you....or just ignore her. Say thanks for the compliment and keep it moving. What she says once you hit the corner is up to her.
2007-11-21 04:16:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ignore it. She probably does this to everyone. She must have low self esteem. Some people have to tear others down in order to build themselves up.
You could also just gush to her how sweet she is to say such nice things and you know she is such a nice person she would never say anything bad about anyone.
2007-11-21 07:50:21 · answer #6 · answered by curious connie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most people realize quickly this type of person. I had to work with someone like this and she was critical of everyone. It pleased me to know that when my name was mentioned my coworkers told me not to worry. They knew the source and just ignored anything she said. I always did the same. I knew who the good guys were.
2007-11-21 04:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by mydearsie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Say "Thanks for the compliment, but what are you going to say when I leave?" Then laugh.
Do this every time she give you a compliment. I am sure eventually the fake compliments will stop...it make take some time...it may not. Good luck!
2007-11-21 04:29:30 · answer #8 · answered by Merl 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Each person who hears who do this to others should tell her that it is rude, unkind and for her to not talk to them about others. SHE is the one who is causing discord. She should politely and calmly be stopped
2007-11-21 04:59:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The truth is out there. I would say cut the crap and just maybe she will change her ways.
2007-11-21 05:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋