Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Excellent day to make strange mouth noises, particularly in a crowded elevator.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will develop a passion for Cajun cuisine, and will refuse to eat anything that hasn't been "blackened." Your family will draw the line at blackened corn flakes, however.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will be struck by an odd thought. It will do little actual damage, fortunately.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This might be a good time to consider night school. That's night, not knight. Unless you enjoy clanking around in armor, of course. Some people do.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Remember: it's a pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, and a murder of crows. More important for you today, though: a group of budgies is a "bludgeoning. "
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Stay home today, with the curtains drawn and the door locked. Trust me on this one.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will be walking along today when you overhear someone making a snide remark about you, drawing an unflattering comparison between your personality, and landfill. A snappy reply will occur to you, sometime late next week.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That's not something you should try to deal with yourself -- call in the professionals.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today will be the best day of your life, if you can just remember ... er ... now what was that? Hmmm. If you can just remember something really important. Otherwise, no. Hmmm.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
This week, you'll discover a trick to make those meetings seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret clinging to their head.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into wrestling a giant anaconda.
2007-01-17
07:37:44
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36 answers
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Horoscopes